Enjoy what lingering Summer is left

That's an order.  DO it.

I fucking love life

I feel like there are times in an otherwise average, perfectly nice day, where you just notice something and decide ok I need to tell someone about this.  I had one of those days.  Don't get all nervous here it's not a long story; stop sweating I promise you have time to read this.  


So I'm in the car and I glance over to my left at a woman rollerblading.  I think, hey gurl, good for you.. even if you are not going in the right direction for your side of the road, that's still awesome.  Then I notice Rollergurl is on fire... no no wait.. she's smoking???  Yep she's actually smoking! and rollerblading.  As I pull up to pass her I glance over again.. maybe hoping she WAS on fire and not doing the dumbest thing I've ever seen; like the guy who went for a treadmill run at the gym in fucking jeans (not even stretchy spandex jeans.. WORK jeans).  So what else do I see??  Not only is Rollergurl indeed smoking but she's texting.  She's fucking smoking, rollerblading on the street and texting.  I can't even believe it.  Rollergurl has to be the busiest person ever.. the only way she could be busier is if maybe she was taking a huge morning shit in her pants as she was doing all this.  Let's just assume she was for the sake of argument, ok?  I went from thinking hey cool I wish I were doing that, to realizing she's too 'Type A' personality for normal activities and is likely not even rollerblading for fitness.. she's probably going to work or something.  Raise your hand if you imagine a conversation with someone like that to be so confusing you'd cry.  Raise your other hand if you are also kind of scared she does everything while smoking and texting, because she's on crack, and only stops to randomly shout out to people on the street "I FUCKING LOVE LIFE!"

this is the best margarita party ever

It took me less than 5 seconds to decide I need this.





1100 watts of power... what does that even mean???  Who cares!  Keywords: ninja! 1100 watts! gourmet healthy FROZEN DRINKS!!!!

the road not taken

I had a particularly weird dream a week or so ago about someone I know being dead.  As in they apparently just died, nobody told me, and I felt totally cut off and lost about it; unsure of what to do now they were gone forever.  In my mind, the world was suddenly empty and nobody lived on earth but me.

I was so disturbed by the feeling that when I woke up mid-night I googled dream meanings on what exactly that was supposed to be about.  I know my friends have all been moving lately.. now Kim is moving to Guelph.. but that just wasn't a good enough explanation for me at the time I guess.  Dreams are all things going on in your own sub-conscious, a way of working things out, and I just wanted to know what exactly my mind is preoccupied with.  Apparently every dream about something dying, being dead, loss.. is supposed to be good or the opposite of whatever it was: life, new beginnings etc.  I remember my friend Andrea and I would always chat at school the next day about our dreams.  She's very Sylvia Brown like that, still is, and I suppose in a way I am too.

I am more than grateful for every path I did not take, even if it took me a while.. or long while.. to fully appreciate every facet of their particular outcomes.  They were always positive.  I hope that although my dream was sad, some part of myself is reassured that things.. even ourselves.. are renewed everyday.  It's hard to look upon the roads you decided not to take and learn anything, if only that life is all about those missteps because they insure your next steps are more purposeful, careful and meaningful.

More important things

Video of my best friend Ryan Gosling (I think I've mentioned our shopping together before, it's a thing we do) is hitting all the social media today.  I wasn't going to post anything about it except I just wanted to point out that it's great that we live in a day in age where people will film someone beat the shit out of you and go oh shit is that the guy from the Notebook?? FOR REAL? 

"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal."

Albert Camus

This year summed up in a cheesy heart photo collage

Flickr: Cottage 2011

I suppose rather than tell you a huge story I could sum up the weeks highlights.. I was in a cottage without my grandparents.  Does there even need to be more about the week other than that? I could also mention the coach outlet and my awesome new purse, the drive up to North Bay's 'famous' mall, Taco Tuesday, a couple of birthdays...

....pizza night, my horrible tooth infection which caused me to visit a nurse practitioner with the largest boobs I've ever seen in my life.  And oh, right, my entire cheek was so swollen I looked like I got fat but only on one side of my face.  Smiling was.. creepy.. for a few days.

The days were great, the lake was warm, MY GRANDMOTHER WASN'T THERE, sunshine everyday, kite flying, MY GRANDMOTHER WASN'T THERE, Ethan had his first visit from the toothfairy, we brought our tassimo for perfect morning coffee, and nobody called me an asshole.  In the night, however, this year we had one mild family tribulation.  

Putting Gabriel in a big bed for the first time, and I like to call the result 'fists of confused fury'.  It was gonna happen anyway but the paper thin walls at the cottage was GREAT for making everyone think we keep them in cages.  Which WE DO, obviously, but we just didn't bring them up to the cottage.  No room.  Additionally we bought every box of the only teething solution that finally worked for Kieran as getting teeth has really pissed him off.  If this sounds repetitive it's because I said the exact same thing at this time last year  but much worse. Putting him to sleep every night is hard on a normal night as he's the worlds largest infant.  I say that because I still swaddle him and he's 6 months old.  This is why I never give out unsolicited parenting advice.. my motto is YOU DO WHAT WORKS UNTIL IT STOPS WORKING.  Nothing fancy, if you want some sleep you just do the same thing until it stops working, for the rest of eternity.  So picture that bedtime routine, and the turbulent part of this story is actually that my cousin-in-law was doing a holiday fireworks display 15 feet from my bedroom... not once, not twice, but 4 nights.  It was baby-waking festive, this year, folks.

You see why it was a miracle that neither me, nor anyone else, was called an asshole right?  I hope you do because any clearer of a picture I'm going to paint you is reserved for my therapists eyes only.  

Did you know things from 1992 are also considered vintage now?

Everytime I see retro candy I always end up looking for Bonkers, my favourite candy of all time.  Guys, I ate so much of it.. and I didn't even have a favourite flavour because they were all awesome.  They make Starburst, or whatever comparative soft chew candy, taste like a pile of puke.

Why was I not one of those insane people who saw through time and hoarded random stuff to sell on eBay once it got discontinued?  Is it me or are you pretty sure they must not be of this world.  "Ouu 800 packs of Bonkers, I don't want to eat it.. eww.. let me just put this in my closet for uhh.. 25 years?  yeah that sounds good.  I'll just keep my coats in the bathtub."

That makes total sense.

Also, I don't remember a lot of commercials so the Bonkers commercial means nothing to me, and I'll tell you why.  My dad taped all my favourite shows on VHS every so often updating them without commercials and I was allowed to watch that as much as I wanted, aside from Saturday mornings and whatever crap my parents were watching.  This is why I remember the opening theme to that news show, Midday, with all the gold bars but not from my favourite candy.  It's probably a really good thing though because I swear to you that yesterday I was humming the Whatchamacallit song, for absolutely no reason.

Smore running

The only thing I am thinking about at the moment is how long it's been since I've sprained my toe, aka I really, truly, need to go work out right now.  That can't be right, right?  Here's why that's a) not a bullshit statement and b) something I would have previously thrown hot coffee on anyone who told me that.  

The reason is not for losing weight, although I've eaten an extraordinary amount of shit lately.. due to my vacation and all... so it might not be a terrible thing; but I discovered that no amount of wine at the end of a stressful day feels as good as an hour and a half work out does.  That's just a fact!  And I sleep great.  The annoying thing about this injury is I actually find myself to be insanely bitchy and wound up if I don't go..  like I imagine a talking dog would if you didn't walk it.  It'd verbally abuse you then eventually just kill itself somehow, and you'd be glad!

That said, look at the new smore I created!  Mint Aero! 

Don't mind my minty nailpolish here, I promise it's not a new obsession due to the blogs I read, we just had a nailpolish party.  I'm back to my regular nails.. ugh.. it's like summer is already OVER!

Insta-life

This is my (instagr.am) life at the cottage.  I'm missing it.. although my glorious mattress is really helping me move on.  Right now you could tell me it was made in Heaven, and not the Serta factory, and I would believe you.

 

I'm kind of excited to get my pics off my new upgraded camera this year; I had some fun with it!  So did anyone I handed it to, so it might take me a while to get it all sorted out.  My only regret is I didn't figure out my ISO fast enough to get a picture of low lying harvest moon one night.  If you've ever seen one you know it looks pretty cool, like a red moon-set that disappears.

Overheard at the Cottage

There are countless moments in which children just make your life perfect.  For example, having a tiny baby fall asleep on you.  Having an extremely happy, dimply cheeked toddler run out of his room in the morning to greet you.  Or, if you're me this week, asking your son and his cousins what kind of game they're playing and getting this answer:

Boy 1, age 5:
Hey look I made a watch out of Lego!  When I wear it it can turn me into anyone I want.

Boy 2, age 4:
Check out my Lego GUN! I shoot all the bad guys with it!!

Boy 3, age 5:
And I have knitting needles!  I can knit a sweater that is too long so when you wear it you'll trip over it and embarrass yourself!!

Guess which one belongs to me.

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

This is some of the idea board I've been putting together for my next tattoo.  I say next like I have a whole tat sleeve but no, I don't, I just have one.  It's also an incredibly simple tattoo, so my idea of going 'balls out' on this one is similar to bringing a handfull of sparklers to other people's otherwise huge firework display on the 4th of July.  It's meant to be special to me, though, so I like to think of it as a big deal anyway.

If you're intuitive at all I think it's obvious this tattoo is for my 3 boys, I want to get birds for each of them.  I initially loved the idea of just three silhouette birds

i.e.

..but my other tattoo is black and I kind of want this one to be bright and colourful - like they are.  Like a tiny watercolour painting.  I sent in a request to basically the best watercolour tattoo artist I've seen in my searching, Amanda Wachob, and would happily to travel to NY to get it done.  I mean look at her stuff, it's insane.

I have realized that when I get an idea it really takes a lot for me to walk away from it, so that's what I'm doing right now and will likely keep adding to my idea board all summer.  And no, I'm not getting it on my neck although that seems to be VERY popular.  In the end, all I know is you won't see me with this unless (and until) looking at it makes me feel like I do when I read this:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                    i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant 
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

The Orchard Country

There was only one stop in the tour de cider last night, aka my tour of ciders of the world, from now on just referred to as the tour.  It was a mixture of cider and pilsner called Nickel Brook Green Apple Pilsner, brewed not only in Canada (there's obviously a lot of Canadian ciders available, and I'll name a couple more you should try) but right here in Burlington, Ontario.  It's basically green apple beer so try and figure out how that can be anything but great because I'd love to know.  Today two stops,  Magners Irish cider, and William organic cider.  

Both kind of topped them all for quality, and neither were flavoured ciders.  We actually went back to get more Magners and they had literally sold out of them all in 2 days, so I guess the secret is out on that one.  Will keep looking for it to come back in, Sean was a big fan of it.  William reminded me of Pommies Dry Cider but sweeter.  Pommies is also Canadian... we're a big country, lots of apples I guess.  

I tried it a few weeks ago and was so good I decided I should tour the ciders.  It reminded me that the first time I had Strongbow was a bar called Chester's Beers of the World.  Sadly Chesters is gone, just like my favourite coffee shop that looked like you were sitting outdoors, indoors.  I'm old enough for my favourite places to close down.  Can I get a big WTFantasic, huh? 

After announcing the tour I've gotten a few suggestions to add, apparently ciders are a hot-button issue this summer, and I totally agree.  It feels like a cider summer.  So if you have a suggestion I might want to include in the tour add it in the comments.  Anything not trying to sell me viagra actually would be a welcome comment.  

Tour de Cider

Yes!  I gave in to the fanatic nailpolish blogs and put some cray-cray bling on my toes.  I actually totally love it!  A girl has to have a little sparkle on her feet every now and again; you don't need to understand - I don't understand it - just accept it as truth.

Last night I enjoyed the first two stops, the berries, on the tour of the ciders of the world. England: William's Sir Perry Berry.   Sweden: Rekorderlig Wild Berry.

My review of William's SPB is.. meh it's ok.  Nothing great so I'm glad it was my first stop and not my last.  I think what kills it is the strawberry flavour is synthetic syrup and ends up tasting like malt.  Rekorderlig WB on the other hand was amazing! Sweet taste, not bitter.  Only negative about this one (for me, probably not for you) is that it was slightly too strong.   It's a pint of 7% alcohol so I was almost drunk and needed to go to bed after that.


On to the next one..

And I'll tell him you're goofing off.. don't correct my spelling

Maybe it's the Italian in me but sometimes I really enjoy reading up on the website passive-agressive notes.  So far my favourites are always disgruntled employees who try and plan company events and notes from pissed off children.  I like everything about them, even imagining the furiousness associated with them being composed makes me smile.  But recently I picked my favourite.

These letters to the toothfairy are so good I really have no choice but to insist you read them.  I mean really, a little girl who threatens to find a new toothfairy so awesome I bet being her mother must have been FUN.

You were just always talking about changing, changing

I know this will sound lame but I am sort of impressed with blogger right now.. aren't you?  this shiz looks awesome!  Anyone with a blogger feel free to let me know what you think of it.  Isn't it like sitting at a new virtual desk + paper? It feels like I got in crap for talking in class and the teacher moved me for being saucy.

I should confess I only use the word saucy because I was actually called saucy once before, when I was 5, yes once, by a guy who dyed his hair purple and I let him know he looked just like Rio.  Omg.. it was my first things that look like other things!  Aww.

$125 in auction.. that is truly outrageous!

With my memory the way it is (that way being freakish) I could tell you every word a teacher has ever used to describe me or scold me.  One of my favourites was primadonna.  Yes, I unfortunately got an English teacher upset with me.  That was not pretty only because she went on for like 10 minutes straight, I suppose not being satisfied enough with just one way to say it.  Oh, and I also once got in trouble for saying "damn" .. I mean really, damn?  of all the things.. at least I wasn't SMOKING.

What I was going to write about though before blogger distracted me with their new interface/fancy-ass juju, making me recall every time an adult was frustrated with me, was actually about nailpolish.  HOLD ON IT GETS BETTER.  I tend to get really intensely interested in very specific subjects that interest others, like did you know there are numerous blogs dedicated to nailpolish??  Different ways to do your nails, brands, stamps, etc?  If you're into that here's a couple I liked.

• Prettyfulz
• Polish Hoarder Disorder
• Lacquerized

I can't explain why it's so fascinating but it just is.  Another thing I found recently fascinating is cricut cake making.  It's a machine that you buy cartridges for which cuts out fondant for you to make cakes like this.

Am I actually interested in these things for myself?  Not really.  It's just neat, don't you think?  The kinds of things people are really into?  Except collecting 80s dolls.. I imagine that person is 70% creepy and 100% soul-crushingly lonely.  Math doesn't make sense when you're trapped in the 80s.

I used to write letters I used to sign my name

So the BBBQ happened.  The extra B was for Brooke is leaving or Bon Voyage or.. Boogers: everyone has them?  I can't think of another B.  I'd have a bunch of pictures but technology and I decided we're in a huge fight and the pictures never happened except in my mind.  It's where a lot of things happen but sadly, I can't share them all.  If I could somehow show them to you I would since they included cake pops that I made.

Anyway, many foods were cooked, baked, dipped and eaten, and my friend Brooke is finally in Edmonton.  It was fun to get together with everyone for the start of summer while we were at it, too.  In fact other than Brooke leaving me FOREVER and my being so upset saying bye to her that I accidentally drove home with my emergency brake on the entire time, and wondering if something was on fire.. this summer is great.  I already have probably the best tan ever, after also accidentally getting a totally WEIRD sunburn on the parts of my skin that had no sunscreen on and never see sun.  AKA my armpits/side boob.

I literally have to tan the tops of my shoulders more to make it all match.  Annnnd.. instead of writing 'accidentally' I should just say this is the kind of stuff that routinely happens to me.  I try to start the car with my bank card when I'm tired, I don't know how to operate my camera, I get a sunburn every year, I forget my emergency break when I'm upset.  I'm old enough to own these things, this is just who I am!

On the night I went to go help Brooke pack, aka I wasn't going to see her after that, we drank some wine and went through book sorting and a pile of letters I wrote her in high school.  I swear she is holding onto them just to make sure I never think I'm cool ever again; I thought I was cool last week and I definitely do not anymore.  She insisted I read some since I knew she was looking forward to it, out loud of course, and holy crap why was anyone even friends with me??!  A couple of them were so angst-y I was in emo-shock reading them!  Usually I love to embarrass myself but I've decided not from a teenage me, "Teen-Marie" was just way too much fun coupled with "if I didn't know who wrote these I'd say she has some serious problems"!  It was a fun evening though, and I have some new books to read for the cottage.  The sad part didn't really sink in too much until me and a sleeping Kieran left her apartment and I realized he'd be a year and a half the next time she saw him.  Uhh.. that's just a big reminder of how much this sucks.

I was reminded pretty serendipitously of a quote often used for graduations that I thought about a lot when Andrea moved to Calgary a few years ago, and quoted.  Then last week someone happened to google search it to get here which reminded me of it's greatness and how it applies to all the changes that come up in your life.  I know it will be all good because, overall, it always is.

Enjoy summer, errbody.

Your days are short here; this is the last of your springs. And now in the serenity and quiet of this lovely place, touch the depths of truth, feel the hem of Heaven. You will go away with old, good friends. And don't forget when you leave why you came.
Adlai E. Stevenson 

Well That's Fantastic

An update about the BBBQ and Brooke leaving for a year is coming shortly, in case you wondered about it at all.  It's just taking me a while to write; unhappy things are always harder to finish, but funny things are not so this is what I have today.

It might be super uncool to admit I laugh especially hard at comments I hear about having 3 kids, or 3 boys.  I hate putting myself into any sort of category more than you could ever imagine but I don't care if I'm uncool.. it's cool that I don't care, right?  Do kids even say COOL?  Somebody make sure I don't end up like this:

If anyone has seen the movie Bridesmaids, that one scene where they were all having lunch at the food poisoning place and the one mom bridesmaid gives the newlywed girl a reality check about the beauty of motherhood.

“The other night I was making a lovely dinner for my family, and my youngest son came in and said he wanted to order a pizza. I said ‘No, we are not ordering a pizza,’ and he said ‘Mom why don’t you go fuck yourself.’ He’s 9.” 

It was well into another scene by the time I could stop laughing, I'm telling you, it felt like forever.   That was probably one of the most genuinely funny movies I've seen in a really long time by the way.

You know what else is uncool?  I was supposed to go see Bridesmaids with Brooke but didn't get to, and now I'm sad again.  WTFantastic!

A 5 year old could write this blog

I've come to the conclusion that my 5 year old boy should have his own blog.  His little assertions about life aren't so unlike my own "things that look like other things" that I love.  He likes to watch TV with us and hover over our computers and yes, interrupt you with what he thinks when you didn't ask.  Sometimes I'm glad though.

• Watching the playoffs when Don Cherry comes on
  
  
  

  

  "He looks like he's getting married"

• Playing Katy Perry's video "Last Friday Night"
  
  
  

  

  "Did she escape from the hospital?"

• Something I saw posted on Facebook that I thought he'd think was cool
  
  
  

  

  "Hey look, it's Iron Man R2D2!"
  "That doesn't make any sense.  It would be way more cooler if it was Iron Man C3PO"

I'm not often offensive, but when I am.. I'm not sorry

I believe I've mentioned before that one of the weird things my friend Andrea and I came up with is a (completely inappropriate) game called Celebrity Death.  Unlike the Werewolf this one is pretty simple, the second a celebrity dies you notify the other the fastest.  We do not keep any scores but clearly the bigger win is in the bigger the celebrity you were first to hear about.  We've recently gotten Brooke into the game too because uhh... we're just assholes.  Anyways!  Today she got me with the death of Jackass star Ryan Dunn.

My response, admittedly, has to be one of the worst things I've ever said.  Probably because I honestly didn't know this guys real name until yesterday.

Now that's offensive!  More than I can say for when I read about what happened afterward to Roger Ebert.  The guy is an open former alcoholic, but he was pretty quickly attacked because he said it might have been dumb if this guy drove drunk? (if that was the case).  PLEASE.  It might not be "the time" to make that assertion, I get that part really I do.  Obviously I'm not happy that he or his friend died, nor was I there to know what happened, but I'd just like to make a point that I find people too often being afraid of saying anything because someone else didn't "make it ok" and say it first.  The reason being when you do STUFF LIKE THAT happens to you.  Every person who has heard this story in the past two days has thought it, no matter how sad they are; and while it's a serious tragedy that it happened at all.. just for a moment I'd like you to consider the fact that this whole thing would be spun much differently if their car had the misfortune of crashing into another car and killing someone else.  Maybe a bunch of kids on their way back from graduation.

I don't mind being an asshole about things if I'm an asshole who maybe has a good point.

What photo filter do you use for caged children?

I had a dream last night that included me and Brooke attending some sort of university in NYC, an insane professor that made us eat a large candy covered bug as an assignment, taking pictures with my Instagram and Brooke and I somehow not getting along because of something to do with me being competitive in class.  Oh and a professionally made cake was involved somehow, too.

In all that randomness what stood out to me the most was that technology has actually (finally?) invaded my sub-conscious, which I don't even know what to say about.  Not just random technology either, but a fracking app for my phone!  I need a break from photo filters.. uhh.. that has to be the lamest thing I've ever said.  Ever.

It might be true though since I Instagram'd a damn crime scene the other day.

What's better for the yellow in the police tape.. Apollo filter?
ugh, nothing looks good in Poprocket, amiright?

Speaking of really horrible ideas that seem pretty normal at the time, I love kijiji Hamilton for being so ...Hamilton.  Bunk bed + Crib = this?

Do not feed.

Click on the picture for the full ad.  This is a real thing! really intended for two babies to sleep in.  WTF?!!!

Holy Shot

Just in case anyone needs future reference of it, I am pretty sure something is wrong with me.  I actually decided to sit down and watch the pilot of the tv series remake of Teen Wolf (or what I thought was a remake of it, it's not..) just to see how bad it would be.  If that right there doesn't highlight there is something wrong with me, that I would willingly waste my time to see HOW BAD SOMETHING IS, then I have about 10 other examples.  One of those is why am I finding the guy who plays the lead to be supercute?  I mean THANK GOD he's not actually a teenager or I would volunteer my name on some kind list that warns people you're a bad person and nobody should let their kids talk to you.

Is there a list like that?  I said supercute, to clarify.  Not sexy.

Anyway, THANK GOD every teen show casts people in their 20s in High School.  Oh, and it's kind of a bad show but I know lots of people into Twilight so... this is much better than that.  That's ..a.. compliment?  In my old age I try and save anything bad I have to say for serious situations.  Like when my cousin txt'd me just now that their car is so messed up the mechanic said it could catch fire at any moment.  My autocorrect tried to say "holy shot" .. this is not the time, man.  I meant SHIT.

SO RELAXED

I was googling neck pain and I came across this.  All I could think is, his kids walking in on this and thinking he's trying to end it all.

DO NOT USE IF... 
You have severe osteoporosis, cancer of the bone or metastatic cancer, congenital spine deformity, panic disorder, unstable or fracture of upper spine, worsening of your pain or condition, spinal cord injury, fusion of cervical vertebrae, temporomandibular joint disorder, or if your symptoms are in any way related to fever or infection. -- NeckPro

Am I going to hell or would it not be hilarious to watch someone with panic disorder try and get out of this thing - immediately.  Funny until he accidentally hung himself, I guess.  I mean seriously from the look on that guys face how do these people not realize they are selling a suicide machine?

BBBQ- the extra B is for Brooke is leaving me

Is it me or does it seem like this year Mother Nature is extremely impatient?  It's not even the cottage yet and I've already been bit by whatever bug I'm allergic to.. twice!  My legs a-no looking so good.  And, if anyone noticed, there were about 100 different weather conditions in about a weeks time.  It's like the bus driver who blows through all his stops.  Mother Nature decided to bypass Spring so she can have a smoke break.  2 days ago we saw a little funneling of tornado wanting to happen in our neighbours backyard during a huge thunderstorm.. now I have a base tan from being outside all day in the backyard yesterday.  This seems like one of those questions at the end of a physics exam that states in all caps: EXPLAIN.  And show your work.  And then get me a coke... or something.. I don't want to come in the house, it's really nice out!!

And don't just say it's global warming.. that has been the answer for the last 15 years so it can't still be happening!!!  Can it?  I mean, I hope not, or else I guess that's a really big problem huh?  

Whatever, I have to plan a BBQ.  My best friend is moving to Alberta in less than a month so I have 2 weeks to learn how to make frozen banana skewers.  Oh, and whine or wine it out of my system.  If you're confused I am not talking about Andrea.  Yes, now two of my best friends will live 3 days away from me.  Fuck you, west coast, and your.. stampede! and clean air!  or whatever else you're known for other than my friends moving there.  

Things I'm excited about:  my backyard, my family in the backyard, the big pool, the fact we had Easterbrooks for dinner today, finding out what bug I'm allergic to and exterminating it.. unless that would cause global warming,  f'kin fishbowl friday, ordering bun hoy again because leftovers fed me for 3 days. etc.   A happy life is about celebrating the little wins, so when Brooke actually leaves and I need some more wins we can just revise this thing again.

Chubbaaaaa

I really don't want to post cute pictures of my babies.

I really, really don't.  I rather do anything but.

And yet here we are...

LOOK AT THEM EMOTE!  K makes the best faces already.. he really does. It makes my heart happy. Plus his lil naked skin is like a sharpay so squishing him is addictive and wonderful.

Truthfully here, sometimes I love my life so much it's gotten to the point I'm not even sure I deserve it.. but who said good things happen to only people who deserve them? Suckaaaas. (I don't know why I said that, but I'll keep it)

James Face

In the past two days, two things have made me laugh so hard I couldn't breathe. One was last night going out for some beers with Brooke, where she stopped herself mid-sentence referring to the beer as simply 'booze' when asking if our glasses were the same size. Quick answer, our 'booze cups' held the same amount of hooch! That right there is hard to visualize how funny it really was, but the second thing is easy.

Go check out an article called James Face, where a guy decided to mess with his facebook friend's pictures and repost them. You have to read the comments on each one from 'James'. I seriously almost died of loving it/wondering how I can do this to torment Andrea. Nothing in the world can be that bad as long as this exists.

Nick Name

I should update you that I have no injuries but I did have a great Mother's Day!  The kids and I spent the afternoon with my mother and grandmother having lunch outside.  Other than my grandmother telling me 100 times that Robeez shoes are actually evil and that I'm a bad person for making my kid wear them.. it was a pretty good time!  Those days are so rare they might as well be precious diamonds.

Anyhow that's not really the point of my post though.  While we were there my grandmother went to get some drawing paper for the kids and grabbed a 'journal' I had in school for him to use.  My room there is pretty much exactly how I left it in grade 8, so it was literally just sitting on the shelf.  I read a few pages and laughed in the same way I do when my 5 yr old does something totally weird and I wonder, what the hell is that about??  Like when he made a Lego character who lives on the fireplace named Dr. Mashawn.  Or when he told me (very seriously) to start calling him Nick.. and when I asked why he said "because that's my nick name" 

I'm not sure what the idea was behind asking students write personal answers to things that the teacher reads over, but my favourite was finding out that apparently, to a 13yr old the worst thing that could ever happen would be if the Blue Jays won every game but lost the world series.  Yep.  That's all.

Suck on that, every other horrible thing on earth!  I just wished my parents wouldn't be so 'sick' all the time but the World Series is SERIOUS SHIT guys.

Just saying!

24 hours for Moms

Mothers Day is coming so of course I'm waiting for the shipment of diamonds I'm going to be showered in to arrive. I bought a special hat for the occasion and everything just in case they are so large I'd be injured. Trust me, I would love to go into Emergency with that story though. In the meantime... some friends of mine have put up pictures of their Moms for the occasion, so I did as well. That's right I do actually have pictures with my mother, and I'm not even annoyed at her in them!

The second one my friend Andrea pointed out that I look terrified, which I'd like to downgrade to 'uneasy' .. probably because I wasn't sure if I was being fed to a giant mouse or not as it is 100x my size.








Oddly enough I see today Gabe Athouse also put up a picture of his mother.

I can't even explain how long it took me to stop laughing, if just to comment on the pic that I can't believe the baby is handcuffed to the walker. Hahaha... please will someone tell me what for????

I don't need love looking like diamonds

Ben covers Ke$ha's "sleazy" .. I admit I haven't heard the original but this is so fantastic I don't even care if it means that I like Ke$ha somehow. She probably sprinkles glitter in her underwear, so, that's a strong statement from me. You can download to donate to Tsunami relief in Japan. There are lots of other tracks, too, if you don't like this one!

the whole sky

I hope everyone was outside on Saturday, wherever you were on Earth I'll just assume it was nice weather for you too. Unless you're the Werewolf and you literally can't go outside because your under court ordered house arrest. Again.

Yes, THE SUN was out!! I was actually excited to go clean up all the rotting winter apples (it's actually not an apple tree at all, and even the birds won't eat them because they're so bitter) that covered the ground over the winter. THE SUN was shining on those rotten apples, folks!! While some weird tornados and sudden 'bird confusing' snow and rain have been upon us.. The Sun hasn't been around at all. Still, everyone knows it's one of those rare things in life where it can be a total bastard to you and you still giggle when it calls you.

What a flowering quince looks like in spring, before the shitty bitter apples.

Say it Slowly

I've vaguely referenced The Werewolf before but even if you hadn't picked up on it you should be aware that my undying love of long running jokes is well documented at least.  The Werewolf is pretty much the longest running joke I'll likely ever be involved in since my friend Andrea and I started it in grade school, however I think it's finally time I explain it since it has started going viral in the last year which I think is THE BEST year of The Werewolf's life.  Especially since I sound really crazy when I get asked about it... reason #897 why Andrea was never supposed to LEAVE THE PROVINCE.


If I were to write some kind of wiki definition I would say The Werewolf is a totally 'mysterious' fictional character that my friend Andrea and I occasionally will joke around about.. usually when in the presence of someone who has no idea what is going on.  The reaction to not knowing what we're talking about ranges from finding it hilarious, to confused, to outright angry at us for keeping something from them (ahem, that's only happened once, Andrea's sister..)  The essence of whatever we're saying about The Werewolf is very similar to Stephen Colbert's non-factual statements about Jon Kyl

The difference is that The Werewolf is not based on a real person and in fact that is not even his real name.. we'll get to that though.  For all intents and purposes he is that total asshole friend in the group you're always mad at but let hang out anyway.  The first one to get kicked out of any party for being too drunk and either taking a conversation too seriously or practicing 'Mortal Kombat' moves and breaking a lamp.  The guy who tries to make random conversation with you if you show up at the same time to buy weed from that guy you both know.  The d-bag ex-boyfriend you keep talking to for some reason even though you're pretty sure he once stole a picture from your apartment you had of your mom.. frame and everything.  He owes money to everyone and basically anything that goes wrong, no matter how unbelievable, is always traced back to him somehow.

Well last year The Werewolf got a facebook page.  And friends.  I can count on my hand how many times I've almost hurt myself laughing and one of those times was Andrea calling me in the middle of the night to share that she kept friend requesting her mother over and over from The Werewolf and she called Andrea freaking out "WHO THE HELL IS THIS??" Occasionally anyone who is in on it will 'suggest friends' for The Werewolf and it's always hilarious to see what happens.  I wish it got old but now he's gone viral I really doubt it.





Here's a glimpse of his page, and after years we finally reveal his real name.

Say the name slowly... repeat it a couple times. I'll give you a few minutes.

You can go ahead and add him if you think it's as funny as I do.  The Werewolf totally wants to be your friend!

All the fish

A moment of silence for all the homeless fish that made Fishbowl Friday possible.

That was a damn good night. And yes, I instagr.am everything. It's kind of a problem...

If anyone is looking for a cool app to go with it though, I just found Postagram! It prints and sends your pictures as a postcard to peeps you like for .99. The photo also punches out so they can keep it in some kind of awesome scrapbook/on the fridge. I haven't used it yet but when I actually go somewhere worth sending a postcard, watch out! I'm sure it will also become a problem.

I need a job at Facebook Ads

...what a rewarding career!

First I have no idea what I said in my messages to have them advertise social work; second.. the way advertising is supposed to work is that it makes me interested in hearing more.  Looking at this I'm thinking, wow, I didn't know they had social workers IN HELL.  Am I right or is it not as if she's going to immediately eat my heart right out of my body.  The other thing I'm thinking is how much of a red flag is it that "become a social worker" was its own trademarked phrase.  Is it one of those things where after I take the course I realize I'm not actually qualified to do anything but make paper mache solar systems.  Sure a 6th grader can do it too but I'll be able to do it REAL WELL.

I seriously could talk about Facebook ads all day they're so terrible but there has been an especially reoccurring ad telling me I should do things in my area before I die, and the picture is just something so stupid that I can't help but think.. really? I guess if I haven't put tiny rain boots on a pig then I haven't lived.  My idea of a good time must be way off!

If you're going to point out that the ads must have done their job because I noticed them let me just remind you - shut up.

Last year of asgoodasitgets, I guess it better be good?

"Life is like a train ride. Some people will sit next to you and talk to you. Some will just stand around.. oblivious to your existence. Some will have to leave the train while you're having a great conversation and who knows when you'll see them again. And if you're lucky, there'll be those who will sit and talk to you throughout the whole journey."

(via goodmorning&goodnight)