Overheard at the Cottage

There are countless moments in which children just make your life perfect.  For example, having a tiny baby fall asleep on you.  Having an extremely happy, dimply cheeked toddler run out of his room in the morning to greet you.  Or, if you're me this week, asking your son and his cousins what kind of game they're playing and getting this answer:

Boy 1, age 5:
Hey look I made a watch out of Lego!  When I wear it it can turn me into anyone I want.

Boy 2, age 4:
Check out my Lego GUN! I shoot all the bad guys with it!!

Boy 3, age 5:
And I have knitting needles!  I can knit a sweater that is too long so when you wear it you'll trip over it and embarrass yourself!!

Guess which one belongs to me.

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

This is some of the idea board I've been putting together for my next tattoo.  I say next like I have a whole tat sleeve but no, I don't, I just have one.  It's also an incredibly simple tattoo, so my idea of going 'balls out' on this one is similar to bringing a handfull of sparklers to other people's otherwise huge firework display on the 4th of July.  It's meant to be special to me, though, so I like to think of it as a big deal anyway.

If you're intuitive at all I think it's obvious this tattoo is for my 3 boys, I want to get birds for each of them.  I initially loved the idea of just three silhouette birds

i.e.

..but my other tattoo is black and I kind of want this one to be bright and colourful - like they are.  Like a tiny watercolour painting.  I sent in a request to basically the best watercolour tattoo artist I've seen in my searching, Amanda Wachob, and would happily to travel to NY to get it done.  I mean look at her stuff, it's insane.

I have realized that when I get an idea it really takes a lot for me to walk away from it, so that's what I'm doing right now and will likely keep adding to my idea board all summer.  And no, I'm not getting it on my neck although that seems to be VERY popular.  In the end, all I know is you won't see me with this unless (and until) looking at it makes me feel like I do when I read this:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                    i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant 
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

The Orchard Country

There was only one stop in the tour de cider last night, aka my tour of ciders of the world, from now on just referred to as the tour.  It was a mixture of cider and pilsner called Nickel Brook Green Apple Pilsner, brewed not only in Canada (there's obviously a lot of Canadian ciders available, and I'll name a couple more you should try) but right here in Burlington, Ontario.  It's basically green apple beer so try and figure out how that can be anything but great because I'd love to know.  Today two stops,  Magners Irish cider, and William organic cider.  

Both kind of topped them all for quality, and neither were flavoured ciders.  We actually went back to get more Magners and they had literally sold out of them all in 2 days, so I guess the secret is out on that one.  Will keep looking for it to come back in, Sean was a big fan of it.  William reminded me of Pommies Dry Cider but sweeter.  Pommies is also Canadian... we're a big country, lots of apples I guess.  

I tried it a few weeks ago and was so good I decided I should tour the ciders.  It reminded me that the first time I had Strongbow was a bar called Chester's Beers of the World.  Sadly Chesters is gone, just like my favourite coffee shop that looked like you were sitting outdoors, indoors.  I'm old enough for my favourite places to close down.  Can I get a big WTFantasic, huh? 

After announcing the tour I've gotten a few suggestions to add, apparently ciders are a hot-button issue this summer, and I totally agree.  It feels like a cider summer.  So if you have a suggestion I might want to include in the tour add it in the comments.  Anything not trying to sell me viagra actually would be a welcome comment.  

Tour de Cider

Yes!  I gave in to the fanatic nailpolish blogs and put some cray-cray bling on my toes.  I actually totally love it!  A girl has to have a little sparkle on her feet every now and again; you don't need to understand - I don't understand it - just accept it as truth.

Last night I enjoyed the first two stops, the berries, on the tour of the ciders of the world. England: William's Sir Perry Berry.   Sweden: Rekorderlig Wild Berry.

My review of William's SPB is.. meh it's ok.  Nothing great so I'm glad it was my first stop and not my last.  I think what kills it is the strawberry flavour is synthetic syrup and ends up tasting like malt.  Rekorderlig WB on the other hand was amazing! Sweet taste, not bitter.  Only negative about this one (for me, probably not for you) is that it was slightly too strong.   It's a pint of 7% alcohol so I was almost drunk and needed to go to bed after that.


On to the next one..

And I'll tell him you're goofing off.. don't correct my spelling

Maybe it's the Italian in me but sometimes I really enjoy reading up on the website passive-agressive notes.  So far my favourites are always disgruntled employees who try and plan company events and notes from pissed off children.  I like everything about them, even imagining the furiousness associated with them being composed makes me smile.  But recently I picked my favourite.

These letters to the toothfairy are so good I really have no choice but to insist you read them.  I mean really, a little girl who threatens to find a new toothfairy so awesome I bet being her mother must have been FUN.

You were just always talking about changing, changing

I know this will sound lame but I am sort of impressed with blogger right now.. aren't you?  this shiz looks awesome!  Anyone with a blogger feel free to let me know what you think of it.  Isn't it like sitting at a new virtual desk + paper? It feels like I got in crap for talking in class and the teacher moved me for being saucy.

I should confess I only use the word saucy because I was actually called saucy once before, when I was 5, yes once, by a guy who dyed his hair purple and I let him know he looked just like Rio.  Omg.. it was my first things that look like other things!  Aww.

$125 in auction.. that is truly outrageous!

With my memory the way it is (that way being freakish) I could tell you every word a teacher has ever used to describe me or scold me.  One of my favourites was primadonna.  Yes, I unfortunately got an English teacher upset with me.  That was not pretty only because she went on for like 10 minutes straight, I suppose not being satisfied enough with just one way to say it.  Oh, and I also once got in trouble for saying "damn" .. I mean really, damn?  of all the things.. at least I wasn't SMOKING.

What I was going to write about though before blogger distracted me with their new interface/fancy-ass juju, making me recall every time an adult was frustrated with me, was actually about nailpolish.  HOLD ON IT GETS BETTER.  I tend to get really intensely interested in very specific subjects that interest others, like did you know there are numerous blogs dedicated to nailpolish??  Different ways to do your nails, brands, stamps, etc?  If you're into that here's a couple I liked.

• Prettyfulz
• Polish Hoarder Disorder
• Lacquerized

I can't explain why it's so fascinating but it just is.  Another thing I found recently fascinating is cricut cake making.  It's a machine that you buy cartridges for which cuts out fondant for you to make cakes like this.

Am I actually interested in these things for myself?  Not really.  It's just neat, don't you think?  The kinds of things people are really into?  Except collecting 80s dolls.. I imagine that person is 70% creepy and 100% soul-crushingly lonely.  Math doesn't make sense when you're trapped in the 80s.

I used to write letters I used to sign my name

So the BBBQ happened.  The extra B was for Brooke is leaving or Bon Voyage or.. Boogers: everyone has them?  I can't think of another B.  I'd have a bunch of pictures but technology and I decided we're in a huge fight and the pictures never happened except in my mind.  It's where a lot of things happen but sadly, I can't share them all.  If I could somehow show them to you I would since they included cake pops that I made.

Anyway, many foods were cooked, baked, dipped and eaten, and my friend Brooke is finally in Edmonton.  It was fun to get together with everyone for the start of summer while we were at it, too.  In fact other than Brooke leaving me FOREVER and my being so upset saying bye to her that I accidentally drove home with my emergency brake on the entire time, and wondering if something was on fire.. this summer is great.  I already have probably the best tan ever, after also accidentally getting a totally WEIRD sunburn on the parts of my skin that had no sunscreen on and never see sun.  AKA my armpits/side boob.

I literally have to tan the tops of my shoulders more to make it all match.  Annnnd.. instead of writing 'accidentally' I should just say this is the kind of stuff that routinely happens to me.  I try to start the car with my bank card when I'm tired, I don't know how to operate my camera, I get a sunburn every year, I forget my emergency break when I'm upset.  I'm old enough to own these things, this is just who I am!

On the night I went to go help Brooke pack, aka I wasn't going to see her after that, we drank some wine and went through book sorting and a pile of letters I wrote her in high school.  I swear she is holding onto them just to make sure I never think I'm cool ever again; I thought I was cool last week and I definitely do not anymore.  She insisted I read some since I knew she was looking forward to it, out loud of course, and holy crap why was anyone even friends with me??!  A couple of them were so angst-y I was in emo-shock reading them!  Usually I love to embarrass myself but I've decided not from a teenage me, "Teen-Marie" was just way too much fun coupled with "if I didn't know who wrote these I'd say she has some serious problems"!  It was a fun evening though, and I have some new books to read for the cottage.  The sad part didn't really sink in too much until me and a sleeping Kieran left her apartment and I realized he'd be a year and a half the next time she saw him.  Uhh.. that's just a big reminder of how much this sucks.

I was reminded pretty serendipitously of a quote often used for graduations that I thought about a lot when Andrea moved to Calgary a few years ago, and quoted.  Then last week someone happened to google search it to get here which reminded me of it's greatness and how it applies to all the changes that come up in your life.  I know it will be all good because, overall, it always is.

Enjoy summer, errbody.

Your days are short here; this is the last of your springs. And now in the serenity and quiet of this lovely place, touch the depths of truth, feel the hem of Heaven. You will go away with old, good friends. And don't forget when you leave why you came.
Adlai E. Stevenson 

Well That's Fantastic

An update about the BBBQ and Brooke leaving for a year is coming shortly, in case you wondered about it at all.  It's just taking me a while to write; unhappy things are always harder to finish, but funny things are not so this is what I have today.

It might be super uncool to admit I laugh especially hard at comments I hear about having 3 kids, or 3 boys.  I hate putting myself into any sort of category more than you could ever imagine but I don't care if I'm uncool.. it's cool that I don't care, right?  Do kids even say COOL?  Somebody make sure I don't end up like this:

If anyone has seen the movie Bridesmaids, that one scene where they were all having lunch at the food poisoning place and the one mom bridesmaid gives the newlywed girl a reality check about the beauty of motherhood.

“The other night I was making a lovely dinner for my family, and my youngest son came in and said he wanted to order a pizza. I said ‘No, we are not ordering a pizza,’ and he said ‘Mom why don’t you go fuck yourself.’ He’s 9.” 

It was well into another scene by the time I could stop laughing, I'm telling you, it felt like forever.   That was probably one of the most genuinely funny movies I've seen in a really long time by the way.

You know what else is uncool?  I was supposed to go see Bridesmaids with Brooke but didn't get to, and now I'm sad again.  WTFantastic!

A 5 year old could write this blog

I've come to the conclusion that my 5 year old boy should have his own blog.  His little assertions about life aren't so unlike my own "things that look like other things" that I love.  He likes to watch TV with us and hover over our computers and yes, interrupt you with what he thinks when you didn't ask.  Sometimes I'm glad though.

• Watching the playoffs when Don Cherry comes on
  
  
  

  

  "He looks like he's getting married"

• Playing Katy Perry's video "Last Friday Night"
  
  
  

  

  "Did she escape from the hospital?"

• Something I saw posted on Facebook that I thought he'd think was cool
  
  
  

  

  "Hey look, it's Iron Man R2D2!"
  "That doesn't make any sense.  It would be way more cooler if it was Iron Man C3PO"

I'm not often offensive, but when I am.. I'm not sorry

I believe I've mentioned before that one of the weird things my friend Andrea and I came up with is a (completely inappropriate) game called Celebrity Death.  Unlike the Werewolf this one is pretty simple, the second a celebrity dies you notify the other the fastest.  We do not keep any scores but clearly the bigger win is in the bigger the celebrity you were first to hear about.  We've recently gotten Brooke into the game too because uhh... we're just assholes.  Anyways!  Today she got me with the death of Jackass star Ryan Dunn.

My response, admittedly, has to be one of the worst things I've ever said.  Probably because I honestly didn't know this guys real name until yesterday.

Now that's offensive!  More than I can say for when I read about what happened afterward to Roger Ebert.  The guy is an open former alcoholic, but he was pretty quickly attacked because he said it might have been dumb if this guy drove drunk? (if that was the case).  PLEASE.  It might not be "the time" to make that assertion, I get that part really I do.  Obviously I'm not happy that he or his friend died, nor was I there to know what happened, but I'd just like to make a point that I find people too often being afraid of saying anything because someone else didn't "make it ok" and say it first.  The reason being when you do STUFF LIKE THAT happens to you.  Every person who has heard this story in the past two days has thought it, no matter how sad they are; and while it's a serious tragedy that it happened at all.. just for a moment I'd like you to consider the fact that this whole thing would be spun much differently if their car had the misfortune of crashing into another car and killing someone else.  Maybe a bunch of kids on their way back from graduation.

I don't mind being an asshole about things if I'm an asshole who maybe has a good point.

What photo filter do you use for caged children?

I had a dream last night that included me and Brooke attending some sort of university in NYC, an insane professor that made us eat a large candy covered bug as an assignment, taking pictures with my Instagram and Brooke and I somehow not getting along because of something to do with me being competitive in class.  Oh and a professionally made cake was involved somehow, too.

In all that randomness what stood out to me the most was that technology has actually (finally?) invaded my sub-conscious, which I don't even know what to say about.  Not just random technology either, but a fracking app for my phone!  I need a break from photo filters.. uhh.. that has to be the lamest thing I've ever said.  Ever.

It might be true though since I Instagram'd a damn crime scene the other day.

What's better for the yellow in the police tape.. Apollo filter?
ugh, nothing looks good in Poprocket, amiright?

Speaking of really horrible ideas that seem pretty normal at the time, I love kijiji Hamilton for being so ...Hamilton.  Bunk bed + Crib = this?

Do not feed.

Click on the picture for the full ad.  This is a real thing! really intended for two babies to sleep in.  WTF?!!!

Holy Shot

Just in case anyone needs future reference of it, I am pretty sure something is wrong with me.  I actually decided to sit down and watch the pilot of the tv series remake of Teen Wolf (or what I thought was a remake of it, it's not..) just to see how bad it would be.  If that right there doesn't highlight there is something wrong with me, that I would willingly waste my time to see HOW BAD SOMETHING IS, then I have about 10 other examples.  One of those is why am I finding the guy who plays the lead to be supercute?  I mean THANK GOD he's not actually a teenager or I would volunteer my name on some kind list that warns people you're a bad person and nobody should let their kids talk to you.

Is there a list like that?  I said supercute, to clarify.  Not sexy.

Anyway, THANK GOD every teen show casts people in their 20s in High School.  Oh, and it's kind of a bad show but I know lots of people into Twilight so... this is much better than that.  That's ..a.. compliment?  In my old age I try and save anything bad I have to say for serious situations.  Like when my cousin txt'd me just now that their car is so messed up the mechanic said it could catch fire at any moment.  My autocorrect tried to say "holy shot" .. this is not the time, man.  I meant SHIT.

SO RELAXED

I was googling neck pain and I came across this.  All I could think is, his kids walking in on this and thinking he's trying to end it all.

DO NOT USE IF... 
You have severe osteoporosis, cancer of the bone or metastatic cancer, congenital spine deformity, panic disorder, unstable or fracture of upper spine, worsening of your pain or condition, spinal cord injury, fusion of cervical vertebrae, temporomandibular joint disorder, or if your symptoms are in any way related to fever or infection. -- NeckPro

Am I going to hell or would it not be hilarious to watch someone with panic disorder try and get out of this thing - immediately.  Funny until he accidentally hung himself, I guess.  I mean seriously from the look on that guys face how do these people not realize they are selling a suicide machine?

BBBQ- the extra B is for Brooke is leaving me

Is it me or does it seem like this year Mother Nature is extremely impatient?  It's not even the cottage yet and I've already been bit by whatever bug I'm allergic to.. twice!  My legs a-no looking so good.  And, if anyone noticed, there were about 100 different weather conditions in about a weeks time.  It's like the bus driver who blows through all his stops.  Mother Nature decided to bypass Spring so she can have a smoke break.  2 days ago we saw a little funneling of tornado wanting to happen in our neighbours backyard during a huge thunderstorm.. now I have a base tan from being outside all day in the backyard yesterday.  This seems like one of those questions at the end of a physics exam that states in all caps: EXPLAIN.  And show your work.  And then get me a coke... or something.. I don't want to come in the house, it's really nice out!!

And don't just say it's global warming.. that has been the answer for the last 15 years so it can't still be happening!!!  Can it?  I mean, I hope not, or else I guess that's a really big problem huh?  

Whatever, I have to plan a BBQ.  My best friend is moving to Alberta in less than a month so I have 2 weeks to learn how to make frozen banana skewers.  Oh, and whine or wine it out of my system.  If you're confused I am not talking about Andrea.  Yes, now two of my best friends will live 3 days away from me.  Fuck you, west coast, and your.. stampede! and clean air!  or whatever else you're known for other than my friends moving there.  

Things I'm excited about:  my backyard, my family in the backyard, the big pool, the fact we had Easterbrooks for dinner today, finding out what bug I'm allergic to and exterminating it.. unless that would cause global warming,  f'kin fishbowl friday, ordering bun hoy again because leftovers fed me for 3 days. etc.   A happy life is about celebrating the little wins, so when Brooke actually leaves and I need some more wins we can just revise this thing again.

Chubbaaaaa

I really don't want to post cute pictures of my babies.

I really, really don't.  I rather do anything but.

And yet here we are...

LOOK AT THEM EMOTE!  K makes the best faces already.. he really does. It makes my heart happy. Plus his lil naked skin is like a sharpay so squishing him is addictive and wonderful.

Truthfully here, sometimes I love my life so much it's gotten to the point I'm not even sure I deserve it.. but who said good things happen to only people who deserve them? Suckaaaas. (I don't know why I said that, but I'll keep it)

James Face

In the past two days, two things have made me laugh so hard I couldn't breathe. One was last night going out for some beers with Brooke, where she stopped herself mid-sentence referring to the beer as simply 'booze' when asking if our glasses were the same size. Quick answer, our 'booze cups' held the same amount of hooch! That right there is hard to visualize how funny it really was, but the second thing is easy.

Go check out an article called James Face, where a guy decided to mess with his facebook friend's pictures and repost them. You have to read the comments on each one from 'James'. I seriously almost died of loving it/wondering how I can do this to torment Andrea. Nothing in the world can be that bad as long as this exists.

Nick Name

I should update you that I have no injuries but I did have a great Mother's Day!  The kids and I spent the afternoon with my mother and grandmother having lunch outside.  Other than my grandmother telling me 100 times that Robeez shoes are actually evil and that I'm a bad person for making my kid wear them.. it was a pretty good time!  Those days are so rare they might as well be precious diamonds.

Anyhow that's not really the point of my post though.  While we were there my grandmother went to get some drawing paper for the kids and grabbed a 'journal' I had in school for him to use.  My room there is pretty much exactly how I left it in grade 8, so it was literally just sitting on the shelf.  I read a few pages and laughed in the same way I do when my 5 yr old does something totally weird and I wonder, what the hell is that about??  Like when he made a Lego character who lives on the fireplace named Dr. Mashawn.  Or when he told me (very seriously) to start calling him Nick.. and when I asked why he said "because that's my nick name" 

I'm not sure what the idea was behind asking students write personal answers to things that the teacher reads over, but my favourite was finding out that apparently, to a 13yr old the worst thing that could ever happen would be if the Blue Jays won every game but lost the world series.  Yep.  That's all.

Suck on that, every other horrible thing on earth!  I just wished my parents wouldn't be so 'sick' all the time but the World Series is SERIOUS SHIT guys.

Just saying!

24 hours for Moms

Mothers Day is coming so of course I'm waiting for the shipment of diamonds I'm going to be showered in to arrive. I bought a special hat for the occasion and everything just in case they are so large I'd be injured. Trust me, I would love to go into Emergency with that story though. In the meantime... some friends of mine have put up pictures of their Moms for the occasion, so I did as well. That's right I do actually have pictures with my mother, and I'm not even annoyed at her in them!

The second one my friend Andrea pointed out that I look terrified, which I'd like to downgrade to 'uneasy' .. probably because I wasn't sure if I was being fed to a giant mouse or not as it is 100x my size.








Oddly enough I see today Gabe Athouse also put up a picture of his mother.

I can't even explain how long it took me to stop laughing, if just to comment on the pic that I can't believe the baby is handcuffed to the walker. Hahaha... please will someone tell me what for????

I don't need love looking like diamonds

Ben covers Ke$ha's "sleazy" .. I admit I haven't heard the original but this is so fantastic I don't even care if it means that I like Ke$ha somehow. She probably sprinkles glitter in her underwear, so, that's a strong statement from me. You can download to donate to Tsunami relief in Japan. There are lots of other tracks, too, if you don't like this one!

the whole sky

I hope everyone was outside on Saturday, wherever you were on Earth I'll just assume it was nice weather for you too. Unless you're the Werewolf and you literally can't go outside because your under court ordered house arrest. Again.

Yes, THE SUN was out!! I was actually excited to go clean up all the rotting winter apples (it's actually not an apple tree at all, and even the birds won't eat them because they're so bitter) that covered the ground over the winter. THE SUN was shining on those rotten apples, folks!! While some weird tornados and sudden 'bird confusing' snow and rain have been upon us.. The Sun hasn't been around at all. Still, everyone knows it's one of those rare things in life where it can be a total bastard to you and you still giggle when it calls you.

What a flowering quince looks like in spring, before the shitty bitter apples.