Magic.. it's everywhere!!

I found this on YouTube, apparently she's now YouFamous for making all these whacked out videos but I didn't know that at the time. I thought this was fucking hilarious, the rest of it.. slightly entertaining but trust me you'll find yourself laughing mostly at the fact that you are sitting there at your computer actually watching it. I mean, I did.





If I was 13 now and had much better video editing skills (read: any skills) I would definitely be making films like this with my friends... and have my own YouChannel. I'm sad that I can't find the few videos we did make, and at the same time relieved. Gosh do I feel old... why am I not doing crap like this? It's so utterly ridiculous it's awesome, and you know how much I like that. On that note, a funny story that is 100% true. My cousin Vince is a math teacher and he was telling us about what "new" kinds of things the kids are saying these days. Yanno, what's going down on the streets. Apparently the new slang is to tell someone that they are "extra" or "arms". Yeah arms. As in "sir, you're so arms" ... hahaha, I thought he was kidding too like what does that even mean? Could be anything!

"Hey buddy, that's so LEGS man... you even realize how arms and legs that is?? Everyone, check this guy out... he's garbage can pizza slice!!!"
- "Whoa are you gonna take that??"

What's a matter with kids these days, you can't even come up with good slang. Just start naming random shit you see on the street, types of gum, diseases.. whatever!


"God, Alex, you couldn't get more AIDS if you tried!"
- "Shut up, trident mint whitening!"


I could go on all day. Literally. lol. Nobody is allowed to start saying garbage can pizza slice by the way. I OWN garbage can pizza slice. It's only cool when I say it.

It's (hung) over

My cousin Maria is officially married, dum dum dummm. lol jk. The wedding was absolutely amazing! All I have to say is she had a flambe show AND fireworks... not a lot of people can top that.

The wedding ceremony went well and the reception afterwars, but the photoshoot honestly felt like an episode of Punk'd. If I was famous for anything I would have honestly thought that's what was going on. The photographer was so crazy, he kept telling us to do all these weird things for the video. Like he had the guys do a mafia bit at the house, and Al shoots a guy for washing his car with rocks. Then at the greenhouse all of a sudden he's like "Ok all the girls start singing 'all you need is love' and then crouch down and the guys JUMP UP behind them and pretend to be trumpets!" Like what? None of us even knew the words, and we didn't get a practice run... so it kind of trailed off after like 8 seconds. The whole thing was basically just more things like that. At one point I just burst out laughing while he was still talking. Next I thought he was going to ask us "Ok so now I want you to all jump into the water and act like Alligators with your arms and say 'we love Maria and Al.... purple monkey dishwasher!'"

One of the groomsmen put it best when he said: "I think we died in the limo and this is hell" Hahaha. All I have to say is I really cannot wait to see that video, because if somehow it all makes sense I will be shocked.

The rest of the night (aka reception) was hilarious, I even got to be Vanna White when I brought out the prize for the Newlywed Game that was going on. Honestly I 'celebrated' way too much wine, so really I don't remember a lot of it in vivid detail... basically I just had a lot of fun and the food was great. There was one of those chocolate fountains. So good. Sean won the huge crystal champagne candle centerpiece which looks so great, I would have been so upset if I didn't have it. Plus it was pretty hilarious when we saw Al's grandfather had also won one and walking out with it Sean pointed out how much it looked like a Pimp Chalice. It really does... he was like 90 years old by the way.

At one point I was talking to my cousin from Florida who I have not seen in 11 years (or more) and guess what I decided to talk about? Cats and dogs. Cats and fucking dogs is the best thing I could think of. Seriously.. sometimes I really am an idiot when I drink, and no one should talk to me. lol. It's like there's a tiny part of my brain totally unaffected way in the back of my head going "you're talking about dogs Ann-Marie.. are you an idiot? because everyone thinks you're an idiot" and yet there's nothing I can do about it. Just to put the last nail in this coffin, I'll tell you how the night ended. As we're about to leave I'm told I somehow got my hands on a cup of beer in the short distance from the hall to the door. Sean asks me where the hell I got that and I say "this beer is great" (or something) and "do you think I can take this in the car with me?" he says no, that probably isn't a great idea so I leave it there.. pass out in the car, spill a bunch of liquid Tylenol everywhere, and puke 2 times before we go to bed. Apparently once wasn't enough. Must have been that fucking beer. I hate beer, by the way.

Seriously I have not actually gotten sick from drinking too much in an extremely long time. I'd say over a year at least. Next time I'm going to slow down a little more, but just a little. Watch out New Years Eve, I'm looking in your direction ;)

AnnSpace - A place where I don't like anything, at all

You know myspace has reached it's height in popularity when there are other sites based off of it. I ran into my death space and found it completely fascinating in the most whole-heartedly creepy way. All it is is a list of myspace.com members who have recently died. It tells you how they died, links you to their page, and then you get to read their profile and friends comments and shit. Before I knew it an hour and a half had passed by and I was sitting at my computer, convinced everyone I knew was going to die.

I'm not sure of the commentary on society here that there are tributes to a person's online profile, but the implications are not totally lost on me... I just am too creeped out to tell you what that is because I don't want to really think about it. I don't want to know you set yourself on fire, I don't want to leave you sparkly comments, I don't want to see your slutty pics on your way to a party, or see your headline is "playas only love you when they playin'" or hear your profile song is "The Offficial Stripper" by T Pain. Just jesus christ, everyone, delete your myspace's right away... and die like normal people please.

I don't want to personally identify anyone I know with being dead. Is that so wrong?





And I don't even know what to say about THIS



Members include "Hoopz" from the reality-tv show Flavor of Love. I was so conflicted with just the original myspace.com, I didn't feel like I really belonged. When I saw this all I could think was "Oh thank god, finally, a place for me." What's next.. mywhitespace? a place for Aryan friends. anorexicspace? a place for starving yourself to death. seemypoospace? a place for poo.

Come on this is so fucking ridiculous. If I met Tom, I would definitely knee him in the junk for making me write this post.

Maria Peckeroni

The bachelorette party was seriously the most fun night I've had in practically a million years. I think everyone pretty much feels the same way, especially Maria, which was the whole point of course!

I can't say enough about how completely awesome the night was, so, I might as well just show you (some) of the pictures.


Man, I wish we thought to actually bring the Bachelorette Barf Bag. We needed it. I also feel the need to mention I am not responsible for my dancing, just fyi, because I was having too much fun to care. Clearly. The only scandalous thing of the whole night were basically the penis straws. And maybe some of the gifts. Even if there was, I definitely wouldn't be writing about it on the site. Some sort of "last night of freedom" rule and all. What happens there, well, you know the rest ;)

I'm bringing 90s back

I was at my grandma's house the other day and apparently she cleaned out the ominous space behind the stairs with all my kid crap stuffed in it. I had no idea how much crap that was... so I'm impressed my grandparents could even physically do it by themselves. I think my grandma got a kick out of it so I'm going through it with her and I nearly DIE laughing. My Jem sticker book!!! haha. I swear, sticker books was the most lucrative thing ever created by toy industries. Kids just buying up all the stickers that the book told them to buy, after their parents already bought them the damn toys to begin with. Genius! "Why don't you just go play with your toys?" "I will, but Jem tells me I need two more packs of stickers" "Why?" "because I'm missing them in the book! see!" All I remember was carrying a suitcase full of crap like that around, so you can imagine how much my parents spent.

Anyways I just had to take a couple items that I didn't want to be in the garage sale.




Oh Jonathan Brandis fan club cut out card. I liked you so much better when you were in Tiger Beat then, yanno, when you killed yourself. In the pic he looks like he just got done with a 2 hour long sweaty work out of being depressed. Man that's hard work... so HOT.




Yeah that's right, I had neon pink DAYS OF THUNDER sunglasses. I got them at Harvey's. Obviously you agree I could not be any COOLER. I should start wearing this all the time and see what happens. My best guess is that when I have them on "Highway to the Danger Zone" plays constantly, but only I can hear it. Why? Because "You can't stop the thunder."



I'm bringing 90s back! The least popular decade, my ass.

Happy Halloween :)

I'll get the rest of the pictures on Friday.. bachelorette party night! Woo woo.

I'll have everything, with everything on it. For here AND to go.

Last night was hilarious. I ended up drinking what had to amount to an entire box of wine lol. No really, I only had 8 drink tickets the whole night but I guess my cousin vince was a pretty good bartender! I partied all night, danced around, met new people, saw great costumes, helped sell tickets and shooters, and ended up leaving with a complimentary pizza! The only way it could have got any better is if Sean had been able to come with me instead of having to work. The second way the night would have been better is if it didn't start off with my being involved in a car accident. The third way it would have been better is if that car accident hadn't been with a member of the groom's family... oh and his car was very damaged. Great first impression right? I guess I should say that's it's good that everyone was OK, but honestly from the look on that guys face he didn't seem like he was going to be OK. I saw that same look once on a guy who found out he'd be getting executed in a couple of hours.

Oh by the way we sold about $300 in jell-o and pudding shots. Yeah, pudding. It's pretty good actually. Thanks to the one person who actually guessed.. you're my hero. I can only assume it means nobody else really wants to see me being embarassed. Wow, I never thought this day would come! I feel like I should thank somebody or make a toast... because there's a really retarded one of me near the end of the night. lol.

Speaking of weird. I'll just end this post by telling you what my mother made me for brunch. A syrup-soaked pancake with a fried egg on it, a bran muffin and 3 cherry tomatoes with ranch dressing on them. She said "well I didn't know what you wanted" .. um not THAT! Never have I ever been so indecisive that I wanted someone to just bring me everything.

All treats, no tricks

Two things in the media right now that I am pretty positive are signs that luck really exists. Actually accusing Michael J. Fox of "overdoing" the Parkinsons for sympathy ... and being paid $3.5 million dollars to tell everybody how you killed a couple of people. Not the usual prison time and daily anal rape for him! And Rush Limbaugh has managed to stay alive somehow instead of being sucked directly into hell, so, that's a way better deal than usual too. What a couple of lucky guys! I bet you thought me proving luck exists would be more life affirming and hopeful. Nope! I also think it's totally fair that for me, luck exists as I just occasionally find a $5 dollar bill in an old coat. Yeah.. just as good. Wow luck is a real asshole.


I am really looking forward to Halloween. My cousin Maria is having a Stag and Doe costume party so an added bonus is we can win prizes for dressing up. I was going to dress up as Alice in Wonderland but I decided to go as red riding hood, same as last year, since I wanted to win best couples costume! I'm pretty sure that me and my big bad wolf will win <3 ;)

I'll tell you all about it the following week as I'm positive the entire night will be well drunkumented. Since I'm a bridesmaid, I'll also be working that night as one of the shooter girls I think. I'm going to extend an offer that if anyone guesses within 5$ of the total money made from the shots Antonella and I sell then I'll post a really stupid picture of me from the night, if one is taken. Trust me.. one is always fucking taken. I'm going to go ahead and guess for you right now that it'll be me making some stupid scary face or one of the 89 pics I am in the middle laughing. You can't put a price on that.

Controls of the contest:

Number of tickets printed = 300 (number attending unknown)
Wedding party total (including Bride and Groom but not including kids) = 16
Price of shooters = 2$ - 4$
Number of hours of the party = at least 5
Food served = tasty buffet

If you're not sure why that last bit of information might help your guess then you're either a) not going to do very well in this contest or b) never been drunk/around drunk people. The more food you eat, the more you can drink. Obvi.

I guess the contest ends Nov. 1st.

Also! I'm really looking forward to the Lost party tonight at my house. I wonder what Lost themed food would be.. peanut butter? Also, adding chocolate soy milk to your coffee instead of vanilla is one of those ideas that are 100% not as good as you thought it would be.

Tyra Banks is out of her damn mind

Seriously. I nearly spit out my cereal when I watched this.. and by nearly I obviously mean that I did and it was totally worth it. I should mention I found this on thesuperficial.com. I think it's possible she might be trying to mock Oprah (which is a great idea if you're a new black women talk show host) and her crazy dream giveaways. Even if that's what's going on here (which I kind of hope is the case honestly, or else she needs to be tested for drugs) she 100% failed because let me just point out right now what someone should have a while ago.. Tyra Banks is not funny. Not even ironically funny, and a lot of people are at least that.

&

The first annual Myspace stupid haircut awards! As someone who likes pointing out how things look a lot like other, more hilarious things... you have no idea how entertained I was by this list. It's so hard to pick a favourite, but if I really had to I'm leaning towards the Tom/Proudstar comparison. I think it was the women's jeans.

Anyways, good jerb on this guy... he even did the second annual Myspace stupid haircut awards! Which is just as good, but 8 million times as scary. I had no idea how many people really want to be superheros/are out of their damn minds.

Google: lesbian lesbians girl-on-girl.. gay

Just out of interest, I check out what people Google to get to this website. I mean, usually they're pretty funny but this week is a tad unusual.

Top 5:

1. lesbian baby
2. what if my dad threatens to beat me
3. lesbian cartoon
4. *variations of my name and the word fucked or fucking* <-- classy by the way
5. AMBER NEEDS TO GET ON MYSPACE WHEN SHE GETS HOME TODAY

Wow, what the crap is up with number 2?! I sincerely hope no one's dad is beating them up, and if they are, this totally isn't the site for you ...but if you're here anyways I'm going to advise you to kick him in the balls if he does. Or tell him he's the worst father in the universe and then threaten HIM with perhaps mentioning to someone he may have touched you inappropriately. Bruises fade but he'll have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. I'm just saying...

Boy is the internet weird, & so is the facination with lesbians.

Ugly is the new cute

So this week I've been away/ keeping my grandma company. I know, don't you wish I made up some other reason as to where I've been? Maybe like, skydiving camp. Ok so I was so sick and tired of skydiving all day so I went out to lunch with Brooke and her mom and I finally bought my shoes for the wedding.





Apparently, I'm selectively indecisive.. and that has caused me to take 4 months to find a pair of fucking shoes that were the right colour. What is more ridiculous than that? Buying a pair of shoes that are the right colour that you have little to no chance of being able to walk normally in. I feel like an 8 year old in her mom's shoes. What? I'm not a hooker, ok, I need practise!


My mom isn't a hooker. I just realized what I was implying there....



So anyhow, wish me luck on that. I have until November 11th to be a "street walker" pro. By the way, someone needs to dare me to make a toast like this at the wedding. Hahaha. To pure terror!!!!

Toronto Marathon 2006

My friend Rob is participating in the Princess Margaret Hospital Marathon next weekend. Personally, I think that's pretty cool for him so I hope he kicks everybody's ass. Figuratively. Also, I think it'd be great for anyone who maybe sucks at running like I do but still wants to support cancer research... you can just sponsor him and he can do all the running! All you have to do is click here, and you get to do a good thing today without getting all sweaty.




See I could never run in a marathon like this, mainly because nobody in their right mind would support me. Cancer patients would actually ask me NOT to run for them... that's how badly I run. I remember one time I was about to take a final exam. In high school, for some reason, I decided that my exam ritual would be to get up ridiculously early... get McDonalds breakfast (of champions) while I study.. and catch the bus to school. Yeah, I dunno, a lot of my bright ideas in the morning revolved around McDonalds breakfast. Anyways, I walk out to catch my bus.. full of McSausage and grease browns (oh, right, and KNOWLEDGE) and I see my bus about to go by. I FREAK OUT because that's one of my worst nightmares, like a lot of people, being late to a final exam. So I full out run. You know the kind of run where you don't even care what you look like, you'd even flail your arms on purpose if you knew it would help speed you up somehow.

Anyway, I caught the bus... somehow... but my heart was on fire and it took me about 45 mins to catch my breath. It was probably closer to 15 mins but it felt like 45. And it was only one block. One.

That was before I started working out at all but it's the best story I can think of related to how much I suck in this area. Oh and that people actually laugh when I run. Out loud and everything. I'm not sure why it's so hilarious.. maybe I'm the Elaine of running and I just don't know it.

So support Rob, if just to never have to see me run ever. It's just not safe.

This one is wet

Hahaha. Ok I don't watch that show but I really wished I was there for this episode. I also love that this was on ABC Family.



Oh and this is totally random but, who orders those written transcripts you see at the end of t.v. shows? Even if it was a really great show, who says " you know, that was so great that I need to buy that in written form and enjoy it on a whole new level." I don't get it, and it's really bothering me. How werid is that? If I ever went to someone's house and I saw a whole shelf full of Dr. Phil transcripts I'd be terrified and make some excuse to leave. Then when I'm in my car they'd call my cell and quote a reference from the transcript of the episode "irrational fears" where this exact situation happened. Maybe it is irrational but whatever you're fucking creepy.

Pics from Saturday Night

Edit: I found one of us on the club's website




This is after I got lei'd by Andrea. Ironically, it was itchy.

This is Andrea... she had a very happy birthday




This is her telling some guy "hey this is my friend Ann-Marie, we've known eachother a really long time!"




Posing for a pic with Katherine and one of Andrea's friends



More birthday love!



I really did have a lot of fun, and my face rash + some Hydrocortizone cream is getting better too. I think Andrea and Katherine wanted me to go with them to Mink again but after some lunch or something, so I'll let you know how it is on just a regular night (with hopefully less people).

iLove iCutethings

By the way, I got this the day it came out (I didn't know).



I traded it with Sean for my 30GB white video iPod that I got for christmas. I only use it to work out anyway, or on the bus... I never keep that many songs on it, and (don't kill me) but I never used the video feature either. Yes I know they had episodes of Lost on it, I just didn't ok? Don't try to figure me out; I'm a very complex person. Or lazy. Yeah that's the word I was looking for, sorry.

And iHate this i in front of everything! Apple needs to stop it... just stop it!!

Gino face rash

First of all I just want to say the whole "how bad could it be?" philosophy I had about going to this club on Saturday was totally wrong. I had a GREAT time with Andrea (+ friends I didn't know) but I did have an actual allergic reaction to what I like to think was all the gino cologne. In reality it was more likely the ridiculous heat in there + some kind of make-up... but I'm still going to tell everyone I'm allergic to ginos.

Seriously I have a rash all over my face.. STILL.

Anyhow, so we went to Mink and I meet up with Andrea in line. She's totally flipping out because someone is sick, or can't get in.. I'm not sure. She's also so ridiculously drunk that she could have probably sterilized a newborn baby just by breathing on him. Unfortunately I did not have a newborn baby with me to test that theory out. Once we get in the doors this guard goes through every single pocket of my purse! I have a lot of pockets in there so it took like 5 whole minutes. As soon as we get in, Samantha and Andrea buy two rounds of shots for all of us as I'm standing there going "no no no I'm not drinking tonight! seriously guys!" but I guess that wasn't happening. I try and meet everyone dispite there being minimal lighting (or what I like to call, "Cave Lighting") in the place and SEXYBACK is defening me. You might be saying "Ann, it's a club.. what do you expect??" but you have to remember I am totally sober, and don't enjoy being deaf in the dark.

So I try and determine just how much Andrea has had to drink by asking other people. Nobody knows. We go to the VIP section and sit down on these couches and I kinda just chill out for a while. All everyone is saying is how hot it is in there.. probably because there is about 50% more people than there should be. One girl passed out and had to be carried down the stairs by security. I guess if you want to stay positive.. I never saw that before! So, that's a plus. I'm having a great time watching Andrea, she's toasting me from the other end of the room every 3 seconds. lol. It's the greatest thing to happen to alcohol since... well, me! Samantha keeps asking what I'm drinking, I say nothing. She threatens to beat me up if I don't tell her what I want. Even if she wasn't drunk I'm sure she, in fact, could beat me up so I say "Rum and Coke please" lol.

We "dance" and I chill out and talk to some of her friends who apparently can't believe they've never met me before.. because I am so awesome. lol. I'm the only sober one but, I agree! At some point Andrea almost cuts herself off, but starts double fisting instead. I stayed till about 1am almost entirely just to see Andrea this drunk in case it never happens again. She grabbed my boobs no less than 5 times, and one time just started banging on them like drums. It was priceless, just priceless... I was fucking dying laughing. lol. It was worth the gino face rash.

Note to self: why do all girls do that to me? I should start wearing a shirt that says "ladies love these" lol.

If I get any of the pics Katherine took that night I'll post them.





As for what's been going on last week or so I've been doing this body detox thing. It's supposed to get rid of all the bad things in your body and help you be healthier etc. It's been hard. 10 days of eating nothing AT ALL. I'm on day 8. I've kept a tiny diary on the fridge of how I feel. Most of it is angry, tired, more angry ...and a confession that I licked an olive on Sunday when my grandparents and Mom came over and I ordered a pizza for them. I hadn't eaten in 6 days, and smelled pizza... don't judge me.

Pajama socks, best decision I ever made!

So.. GREY'S ANATOMY LAST NIGHT. Part of me just can't believe what happened. Since when do we live in a world where some tired looking lip-implant victim can walk away from a situation where she is fucking two really hot guys and they find out.. and have them both be all "yeah, um, totally take your time... here let me kiss you to remind you I'm still around, yanno, if you decide to choose me"? Because if that's true, the minute the world became like that someone should have told me right away. Since I'm halfway attractive and have no implants anywhere, that kind of logic would mean I will end up old and alone with several cats.. and they eat me when I die. Also I would have liked to know if just so that I am not totally SHOCKED right now. She needs to pick Finn by the way. If not for a more complicated storyline/work situation.. he's just so totally cute and nice. You can't dump cute and nice, it's not allowed.

Flip a coin!? Who does that? It's basically gambling. It's like saying I can't decide what to wear today so I'll throw my clothes out the window and wear whatever gets run over by a car first.

Which is why I'm wearing pajamas and socks on my hands. Anyway. Anyone who didn't watch the show has no idea what I'm talking about so I'll move on.



Saturday we're going out for Andrea's birthday here in T.O. That should be fun since I live here but I don't really do the whole club thing that most people do when they come here. Me I'd rather go to another movie lol, should be fun though so I'm looking forward to it. Pix if I take em, sometime next week I guess.

Oh and apparently my dad is now a myspace rockstar! He's got some pretty good blogs too so go check it out/friend him, he's a pretty cool guy; which goes without saying obviously since he's MY dad.

That's about it, can't wait for the start of Lost next Monday!!! Then my life will be complete.

Adventures in ordering crap

"Well, Let me give you a saying from Colonel Sanders. I am too drunk to taste this chicken."

So let me get right to the point, last night Andrea and I got totally FUCKED up and went to see Talladega Nights. We didn't really need to get fucked up, obviously, and I kinda didn't plan on it but my god was that movie hilarious. Wasn't it? It was right? Okay I'm going to have to watch it again. I laughed so hard everytime that one guy made a comment.. yanno, that one guy. He's all PEACHES AND CREAM!! Wtf is that?

Anyways, the best part was right before the movie. I'm not sure why I thought I was OK enough to order snacks because I definitely was not. This is exactly what happened:

First of all I thought I was in line but apparently I was just standing in front of the menu, so as I walk up to the counter these 3 pimple faced 12 year old guys are all "uhhh okaaaay." Real authoritative by the way, start letting random chicks call the shots and you have no chance whatsoever when you get into a relationship, IF that ever happens for you.

I order anyway.
What? I at least THOUGHT I was in line.. I waited for people ahead of me. That counts.

Me: Hi I'd like the number 2 combo please (which is 2 popcorns and 2 drinks)
Guy: Ok what would you like to drink?
Me: Ice, ya I'll have ice... Andrea do you want ice? we both want ice.
Guy: *staring at me with a cup in his hand*
Me: Oh coke. Yes two cokes and ice. What? some people don't get ice!
Guy: Ok would you like butter on your popcorn?
Me: Andrea, butter? ya butter.
Guy: That will be 22.50
Me: Oh wait I also want Reeces Pieces.

I pay, put the reeces pieces in my purse... and walk away. I come back 5 seconds later and get my popcorn, Andrea gets hers and we head over to our theater. She's about to hand him the tickets when I notice we have no drinks, so she says she'll go get them. I'm glad because I've figured out by now that everyone we've encountered so far thinks we've just been struck by lightening. So I spend the next 2 minutes standing in front of the ticket guy laughing quietly to myself.. which really helped my case. Just a tip: when people think you're mentally challenged, laughing for no reason always changes people's minds.

Andrea comes back with one drink.
We don't go back for the other. It is dead to me.


Afterwards we go to Demitre's and I can't decide what I want. When the waiter comes I say "listen all I want is hot brownies with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, fudge sauce and I want it on top of a waffle... can you do that?"

They did and it was the best thing ever. Best night ever! Just wish I could remember more of it.. and less of how fucking buttery that popcorn was. Like 100% pure butter, I'm not joking. I might as well have just injected maple syrup into my heart.

Dial-shutthefuck-up

Yes I'm on dial-up right now, as I'm not internet-capable right now. aka handicapped. Don't pity me, it only makes me angrier.



I managed to upload two pics from Labor Day weekend.



Hey look, it's the COMMANDER OF CHESS !!! His opponent? My best guess is the TRAVELLING CHESS MAN.. via the large blue suitcase behind him with the word CHESS on it. In my imagination, they both wander the earth playing chess... for some reason. Probably world domination, or the secret location of Pirate gold. Not depicted here is the chess literature scattered on the street, and the soundtrack to the Godfather I being blasted out of that stereo.

The second craziest thing just happened to be within 10 feet of the first.



Homeless man bathing Homeless dog in the fountain. It'd be cute except he was ACTUALLY bathing him, as in lathering him up with some shampoo and having the dog jump into the jets of water over and over again.

I'd post the third craziest thing, but a silver painted human statue/Elvis impersonator with a sequin coat almost seems pretty normal. You've all seen one of those, right?


This week has been going good in the way of seeing my friends and family a lot LOT more than I'm used to.
Also the bridal shower was on Sunday. Everything was great, and fun, except that I got introduced first by the MC to the song "let's get loud". I'll mention that I had no idea what was going on AT ALL, that anyone was being introduced, as 8 of us are huddled in the hall looking like we're about to go fight some lions. As I was about to ask what the hell were we doing here, I hear "BLAH BLAH BLAH....Ann-Marie!!!!!" and lots of clapping. Just as my face went all "what the f..." I get PUSHED out into a room of about 200 people. I'm thinking, do I dance? No, that would be crazy. There I am waving a smiling like I was miss america, because I had NO idea what else to do. Ya that goes on my top 10 of times I've acted exactly as embarassed as I felt.

I also accidentally broke Wes' beer glass in the parking lot when he asked me to hold onto it. There's no real story for that one, I just broke it. Brooke thought it was hilarious. lol.




This week has also reminded me why I do not watch tv with anyone who doesn't watch the same shows as me. I get forced into watching things like Touched by an Angel and 7th Heaven. Both, ironically, made me want to kill myself just so I could ask God "so.. this is quality television to you? is it really? because these are all the worst actors in the history of pretending to be stuff you're not. Send me to hell so I can be entertained."

I'd also tell God that Rose marrying Simon is a TERRIBLE idea. Someone needs to whiten her teeth, please!! And those two little blonde twin boys? Kill them in an avalanche of Oero cookies. They're not fucking twins, is everyone blind?!!

99 problems

No internet is about 98 of them. :-( shopping w/ brooke today, hang outs tonight, bridal shower sunday. :-)

Fast women and hard cheeses

Cottage Pics are up!

I was MIA a lot because I was video taping most of the week. The highlight of that (which won't be posted on the site) was Alisia driving down the hill, stopping to fix her hair, and my uncle Peter grabbing the wheel halfway down. lol. Hilarious camera-shaking footage!










______________

ann ... marie says:
i can't believe it's friday night and we're browsing online cheeses

Kevin says:
lol
my life is filled with adrenaline pumping action

Telus is pretty cocky

My friend Brooke was visiting me for a few days, which was really fun... but not the point of my story. When she left she sent me a text on my cell phone about something and as I was replying the auto-complete feature replaced the word "tell" with "Telus" .. as in, my phone service company. Does anyone else find that weird? I mean I totally did. Telus actually thinks I'm 1. texting my friends about them, and 2. that I do it so frequently that I need a feature to help me type it faster.


Honestly I don't even know how to finish that paragraph. I'd attempt to write an example of a text I'd send about Telus but I can't even think of one; it's that ridiculous.


Instead I'll mention you should buy a ticket for the Princess Margaret Cash Cars & Condos Lottery! I know it's expensive but look at the prizes. I'm not even sure how they make ANY money at all, but I'm sure they obviously do so don't feel too bad if you become a millionaire. By the way, remember who encouraged you to buy a ticket if you win a trip or car or something. I'm not picky. I'll take any colour car at all.






Disclaimer: By reading this you agree to give me at least $100. And I'll say "really, are you sure?" and then you'll say "it's the least I can do.... by the way, you're awesome." and then I'LL say "aww I know, but really.. I can't accept" and YOU'LL say "NO I INSIST. I CANNOT FULLY ENJOY MY PRIZE IF I CAN'T GIVE YOU THIS MONEY" and I'll conclude... "wow this is so unexpected, thank you!"

Also if the conversation doesn't happen just like that, you don't win anything... and the lottery actually repo's your existing house, cars and assets.

Man I ALWAYS get confused for Beyonce

So let me get this straight, if I'm not some Indian girl nobody has any idea who she is.. I'm a recovering meth addict, a 40 year old woman dating David Spade, or, Black. Awesome site you guys.

There isn't a day that goes by that someone doesn't come up to me on the street and yell "BEYONCE I LOVE YOU! HAVE MY BABIES!" It's super annoying, I'm just trying to live my life!! Ok but seriously on the upside, no Christina Ricci slightly makes up for being compared to Fergie Butterface.

Maybe.

The one man band without any fans

From time to time I like to make comic strips on stripcreator. That's right, I'm a stripper. Not really. These times aren't very frequent, so, since the last time I've totally forgotten my password. I pretty much spent all day thinking about what it could be... without success. RIP old strips on stripcreator. My favourite will always be the final series "The OC"

Welcome, new strips!

Never meet your neighbors
&
Fights with Inanimate Objects


More to come between now and next year sometime. Or whenever I say so, basically.


Also you might/might not notice I put a link down on the side under Informative Entertainment for an album I'm listening to called Brad Sucks... I don't know what I'm doing. I emailed him, he said it was ok.

You can listen to the entire album, download it, whatever. I got the whole thing off his site, it's good. The first track is my favourite. And, though it has nothing to do with the music, I'd like to think if I ever made an album (which would never happen) that I would have named it the same thing. Except my band wouldn't be Ann Sucks, it would be Ann is Terrible. It's classier.









If you haven't voted, don't forget to vote for my eBay poll from yesterday's post.

The Auctioneer

Andrea and I have this contest going on for title of "auctioneer" via eBay. Basically I made it up for the singular reason that I want to (no.. NEED to) find a more ridiculous item than what she just bought. Don't ask why, it's just something I do. After some searching I think I have a few pretty good candidates. I don't actually want to BUY any of these because then I will own them and they're all fucking creepy things to have in your house... unless you put them in the garden, like Andrea. Anyhow, I figured I'd have a vote. Help me out.


First, let's meet our candidates:

1. Sexy Nude and Banana Oil Painting
   (x-rated image)
   
   
2. 
   
   Cobra Snake Wine
   
   
   
3. 
   
   Enthusiastic Suggestions Bank
   

By the way, whoever buys that last item will probably enjoy a few laughs with guests at their parties before it comes to life one night and murders you in your sleep. Or possibly while watching House. That's such a great show.

VOTE!

I'm gonna kill you. Exclaimation point.

I think Ray Romano should do a creepy movie role. I'm pretty sure he'd be a great serial killer, because A) if he was ever serious for even half a minute you'd already wonder what was up.. and B) I saw this 5 second commercial for this movie he did called Grilled (with the guy from King of Queens) and I hear the line "don't you think it's alright for you to eat meat, like God intended" (or something similar) but with a odd tone that at first listen I didn't think it was a comedy. I honestly thought he was some sort of cannibal, about to eat a baby or whatever. It's like when Robin Williams did One Hour Photo and you were like WHOA that wasn't funny! get away from my children!

Tell me you wouldn't pay to see Ray Romano stab someone, and smear lipstick on his chest while listening to Sade.



Sorry, this is the creepiest picture I could find.
ie. the only picture on earth where Ray Romano isn't grinning like a jackass. What's up with that??!








Which naturally leads me to this pic I found:




I love tattoo's with punctuation? What the f...

Beer Pong Champions

So I'm back! ...obviously. I had such a great time this week, even with the storm/tornado warning (later called a "microburst") the power outtage and high heat/freezing temperature at night... oh and the 80 million fucking bees. Just a really wonderful time considering. I almost wished it was twice as long. I've never missed the internet less, honestly.

Alisia has about 90% of the pictures so when I get them from her I'll put them up. I'm guessing this week sometime. For now you'll have to settle for some visuals of my first time playing beer pong! IT WAS AWESOME.

It all started like this: "oh I want to play, how do you play? oh ok, sorry i'm not very good" drink drink drunk "WE'RE GOING TO KICK ALL YOUR FUCKING ASSES!!!" Apparently, drinking makes me that much more competitive... and I was already pretty competitive to begin with. I actually apologized the next day for all the trash talking I did. Ya it was that bad. Everyone was like, man I thought you were so nice.. then I started yelling "you thirsty???" and when I got the ball in I shouted out DRINK!! It was pretty obnoxious.

I'm such an asshole sometimes ;)

First we beat the champs (who also played 5 games, but Maria puked later), then 2 more teams, and then this American couple who apparently has never lost... solidifying our drunken confidence that we were, in fact, the best team to ever play beer pong. After that we were challenged to a re-match by Al again because he apparently loves to lose. lol. All in all, played and won 5 games then called it a night/collapsed into bed. I should mention we played with death daquiries (like 15%), not beer (5%). I hate beer. I was so trashed that I actually started using a system where I aimed like 5 inches in front and to the left of the cup I wanted to get it in. Maybe I shouldn't give away my secrets seeing as we're going to be challenged like nobody's business next year. That's what you get for being cocky and having a rep as being devistatingly awesome and unbeatable.
And sexy.

Just thought I'd throw that in.

Sea-u-later

Well the annual trip to my cottage is tomorrow morning so bad news: I'll be gone until next Saturday. Good news: I'll have lots of pictures!

I really needed this week, and I'm lucky I get to spend it with my family. Even my grandma, who drives me nuts ;)

Crashtastic

This photograph represents the single most frustrating day ever. Not only did that JACKASS crash his way too expensive shitbox car, but he also prevented me from crossing the street to get to the bank/grocery store! Oh and he might have died, I dunno. But it was really HOT out, and my feet were sore AND some crazy drunk guy was all "what dddid you jus sayda me??" up in my personal spaces.

I didn't say anything.

God this is the worst day ever!!!! The only thing going right for me is that I had my camera.

Quickly, At Once, With No Delay Whatsoever

"She'll get 4 prongs in her clavicle"

Ya ok Grey's Anatomy, you're really "street" .. It's like she's that psycho ex you never wanted to break up with because they'd cook your dog in an oven and set your car on fire. What a fucking weirdo. Like honest to god, the waitress complimented his HAT. Not "hey, you look like you have a big penis... wanna fuck me in the bathroom in 5 mins?" HAT. Ok, Ellen Crazy-Jealous?

Omg, seriously, if I didn't love this show... ugh! *angry face with teeth*
I heart everyone but her. I always have. Stupid puffy-lip squinty-eyes! I'd call her than to her face but, uh, she'd probably eat my face off. Then spit it out and go YOU WANT SOME, HUH? YOU WANT SOMMA THISSSSS?? Beating her chest and spitting out blood.

Tell me you can't totally picture that right now.

"My new mom eats the sun"

Anyone who watched Wife Swap last night will know what I'm about to say. This weirdo raw vegan lady basically said she is "working on" perfecting this thing called Sungazing to cure world hunger. Basically you stare at the sun and the SUN gives you all the nutrients to feel full, replacing all need for food.

The Sun.

Now, I don't know much about flawed logic or anything so I looked it up in the dictionary and this exact senerio was in there. Here I'll copy and paste it for you:

Flawed Logic: To believe the Sun can cure world hunger, and yet there are numerous starving children in Africa... a place with lots of Sun.

Seriously, so after I was done laughing at this poor lady I got pretty interested in how weirdo's spread their weird ideas... like maybe some key words to look for/avoid etc. I read and read but apparently no scientific evidence is needed to convince people to stop eating except for 1) saying that the Indians used to do it, and that it gave them super-awesome night vision! and 2) reminding everyone that we only use about 10% of our brains... and that being some sort of evidence that we are magical mystical creatures, capable of flying probably.

Yeah, I agree with that. We do use approximately 10% of our brains. SOME PEOPLE EVEN REMARKABLY LESS THAN THAT.

My conclusion after rearching Sungazing and Voo-doo (Scientology)... a few key words used to identify crazy people is NATURAL and VITAMINS. But mainly, I'd just avoid anyone who claims that the side effects of anything is that it cures everything. Even the skin cancer you might get later from the sun, ya, the sun could probably cure that. Oh and make you happy again....

I'm going to start making a list of sites that I can't believe exist. Number two on the list... the National Association of Black Accountants. What?

Just the facts, ma'am

1. Brooke came over on Thursday. We drank too much. We shopped too much. It was fun.
2. Yesterday was a fucking bitch of a hot day. I was also slightly hung-over.
3. And hadn't eaten anything all day.
   
4. That means: My stomach felt like it was full of chum (yanno the rancid fishy shit they feed to sharks) and I was braindead all day.
   
5. I blacked out a few times in the midst of talking to people. Like badly. I couldn't remember the word compartmentalized. It was exactly like that episode of the Simpsons where Homer's brain goes "that's it i'm outta here.." *walks down the stairs and slams the door*
   
6. I'm pretty embarassed about that.
7. The house I want is ridiculously awesome. We saw it yesterday. I feel good about the agent. Moving in October, if everything goes well.
8. The owners have a very unique style. I liked 95% of it but honestly, what's with all the lizards?? Where do you even buy that stuff? "Yes this is a very nice lightswitch plate, but like, do you have any with lizards on it? I have a very specific theme going on in my house."
   
9. It also smelled great; even though that has nothing to do with the house at all. I'm going to ask what kind of air freshener they use. I HAVE TO KNOW.
10. The first weekend without my grandma giving me an anxiety attack = wonderful.
    

Kevin says:
i sunburn after about 3 minutes
Kevin says:
i have to wear SPF 4 for indoor lighting
Ann-Marie... says:
hahaha
Kevin says:
i wasn't being funny

Mocha is gay for we add chocolate milk.

YAY ITALY!!


Being a Sunday, I didn't get to celebrate really other than a glass of wine and a couple espresso's. My only encounter was on the way home, obviously people were going nuts with flags and running around the streets or whatever, but the most hilarious thing is when you looked in the rear-view mirror it basically looked like a bunch of Italians were chasing the car. It doesn't sound like such a good story but you kind of had to be there maybe.

Speaking of espresso, I was going to order this ice coffee thing and I'm standing there looking like a retard because I can't decide. In reality I can't figure out what the shit on the menu even means. So finally I just ask the guy who's been staring at me for my order (for a good long awkward 45 seconds) what is possibly the stupidest sounding question that's ever come out of my mouth.. "Uh can you tell me what's the difference between an icepresso and a chillate?" He paused for about 10 seconds. Uhh, umm.. "well, nothing, actually.. except one has more ice chunks." Proving my theory that coffee companies are determined to make me feel gay anytime I want to order anything.


I had a mocha chillatte by the way. You always want to mocha something.

Operation Filthy Soda

I was looking for pictures for Maria's slideshow today and I found these. I forget what when this was exactly.. Nick was visiting me and we both though it would be the funniest thing ever to switch the names on pop machines in town. I miss Nick so I'm going to post these, & I'm pretty sure I haven't before.















I had no idea that Cock was $2.00... Hahaha. Sorry.

I'm pretty curious right now what happened when people saw it. Ahh random acts. We'll never know. If you're a police officer than I'm pinning this whole vandalism on Beth. She did it.

Canada Day...eekend

This weekend was great! All I did was hang out with my cousins, drink, eat cherries, have bad luck at resturants, take naps, talk weddings and have Alisia's famous caps/cappuch. My dad was really awesome and drove me home too :)

So two things I'm thinking right now.. maybe three.

1. I'm basically in love with Butter Chicken. Of course, though, it had to go ruin our love affair by being all BAD for you and shit. I'm utterly depressed about that. And I don't think I'll get over it. If you haven't tried it, you still should. Better to have loved and lost... blah blah blah
   
2. I'm researching Organic Foods (fruits, vegetables and meat) so if you have any input (mainly about the industry standards for being Organic/Brands/Online links to send me) I'd really appreciate it. My area has an Organic Market in the Park but I still wouldn't mind knowing where other locations are that people like to shop seeing as I'm moving soon anyways.
3. OMFG seriously would somebody fucking score for Italy, please? Come on!
   {Edit: Finally! Thank you}
   

And sort of a number four. Turning your PC into a Mac makes about as much sense as masturbating to pictures of your sister. Sure it might look good, but you're not fooling anybody... you're related! and it's wrong!!!

I'm not perfect but parts of me are awesome

Ok I was totally kidding about the 15 comments. I was hoping by putting some huge number that'd ensure I got at least one person telling me what an asshole they thought I was, or narcissistic, or incredibly naive or stupid or something. But, no dice. All nice things.

Well you had your chance.




So go Italy! Apparently my cousins are actually watching the games, which I find surprising because even though the players are hot, they've never paid attention to anything for that long. After about 90 mins of anything there are very few exceptions where I won't totally lose interest. All I need to know when to tell some crazy person how Italy kicked their ass. So, update me will ya? Why would I want to rub it in, especially to anyone crazy? I guess I didn't mention I live basically on the border of a portion of Toronto that's whimsically referred to as "Little Portugal". Ya those people are f-ing crazy (no offense, Carla) putting full sized flags onto the hoods of their cars and blasting music. How are you supposed to drive on the highway with something like that? So I'd really enjoy beating them, even just so I won't have to be on the road with the huge crowd I assume will take over the streets, and have to hear car honking into the wee hours of the night.

Yes I'm aware of the irony of Italy winning and a similar scenario happening somewhere else in the city. We are allowed to though, because we basically invented anything to do with kicking balls. Here, let me show you...

Voted most likely to blog

In HighSchool I remember I asked someone I've been friends with for a while (or they asked me and I reciprocated) ....... "So, what was your first impression of me?" and I got told they thought I was stuck up (because I always said "anyways" when I spoke.. etc.) I figured, wow, well I'm glad they decided to stick it out and be friends with me! Since then I've gotten the same deal with other people; first impressions of me that I never fully understand but accept as being the way it is. Maybe I come across a certain way and I'm totally oblivious to it. It's not vain, really, it's an honest question I'm sure everyone has thought about at some point.


So, be honest, be anonymous if you don't want me to know who you are/I don't know you (it's pretty easy, just click the anonymous button!) .... and tell me what you're first impression of me really was. YES! This is interactive, not informative or entertaining. And I'm expecting it to be bad so don't worry about offending me. If we're friends, well, even more reason right? ;)

I'm not posting on my website again until I get 15 answers.

Originality or Something like it

[RE: searching asgoodasitgets on icerocket.com]

kevin says:
well, sometimes the good names are taken

Ann-Marie... says:
ya well, asshole-jerks is still available

kevin says:
are you trying to suggest something?

Ann-Marie... says:
no of course not

Ann-Marie... says:
im just saying anyone with similar ideas as me are complete fucking assholes

kevin says:
http://amanda.livejournal.com

kevin says:
for some reason everyone really hates amanda

Ann-Marie... says:
hahaha

Ann-Marie... says:
i wonder what happened to amanda after march of 2000?

kevin says:
maybe someone murdered her

Ann-Marie... says:
or she died of being a bitch

Ann-Marie... says:
nevermind i figured out what amanda died of

Ann-Marie... says:
"3:13 pm
some kid gave me pills today , i took them im not sure what they were"

_______________________





Apparently when it comes to originality, I act like I invetned it. While I am here I might as well just get something off my chest in a similar nobody-else-cares-about-it-but-me sort of way. It bothers me to no end when people count down to things longer than 30 days max. on their stupid msn/whatever messenger. 30 is pushing it, 29, 28, 16.. all fine, I suppose. But I'm talking about the really really long countdowns. Yanno, the ones that last longer than most High School relationships? Here's what I think:

First of all, by doing this you're indirectly assuming I really care that it's 108 whatever days till you do whatever it is that probably doesn't involve me. I don't. Not even in that "I'm happy for you" kinda way. You ruined it. Secondly, any shred of interest I do have is when your countdown will actually be done so I don't have to see it anymore. Third of all, 100 days? 60 days? 48 days? ... are you really, honestly, in need of that kind of extensive countdown? Will you forget otherwise? "OH my god.. my necessary heart surgery is tomorrow?!! I totally forgot." I get it, maybe you enjoy the tediousness of changing that little number every day. Motivation to keep waking up in the morning, maybe. If so, I have a job you'd really like; pick out 1024 pieces of fluff from my sweaters. Not 1025, or 1023. And I want you to count as you do it... as to notify me you're still doing what I asked you to do. If you're paying attention this is my fourth point, I have a way to make both our lives a whole lot simpler... "Hi friends, I just wanted you to know (this event) is happening on (this date). And I'm pretty excited about it!" Or just count down the last actual month it's happening. I'm down with excitement, I am. Just don't piss me off, ok, 86 days?

This is why I have two categories on my msn. My Peeps & Not My Peeps. I will fucking de-peeps you so fast if you incorporate a countdown like this. Just saying.

Oh and by the way, congrats to Monica who's moving to Europe, apparently, on August 3rd.

I hope I don't forget somehow.

I don't cheer for soccer, I cheer for t-shirts!

Sean got me an "Italians Play Rough" soccer tee, so I can support my roots. GO ROOTS.





That's my "Oh my god, that wasn't even a real goal! Is the ref fucking blind??" face.




Just in case you forgot I'm a total idiot.













________

Wes GO OILERS!!!! says:
yeh i was away for the weekend..f'in nascar race..it was brutal...but i was drunk the whole time so it was fun

Ann-Marie... says:
nascar eh? did you wave your shirt over your head?

Wes GO OILERS!!!! says:
haha with my mullet...i cheered for the black guy that was racing to upset the hicks

Ann-Marie... says:
lol

Ann-Marie... says:
im sure there's a burning cross waiting on his lawn at home

Wes GO OILERS!!!! says:
people had arian nation stickets on there campers

Ann-Marie... says:
...jesus

Ann-Marie... says:
ok maybe there really is then

What's on TV... the first 5 minutes

They're remodeling an inspirational summer camp of terminally ill kids. The best part is when the blind kid with cancer sang Amazing Grace.

Touche, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Touche.


You're about as subtle as a heart attack.
*mustnotcry*

"Now I can throw more of my sexy parties"

So on the weekend I went to a Fantasia party that one of my friends was having. Basically I ended up being completely bombed after just 2 glasses of wine and bought about $130 worth of stuff! lol. That was me trying to be conservative too. Who needs a $100 black lace corset with dimond snaps? Oh.. ME. It is pretty sweet though...

Anyways, yeah I won't embarass anyone by mentioning anything about what happened at the party (or a certain hostess getting a grab bag full of toys and dumping it out on the floor to show us with the same enthusiasm as if it were christmas morning!) but I will say that it was hilarious, and fun. I also honestly am baffled at how I got so ridiculously wasted. Like it was so obvious that I was even saying "hey, why the crap am I so drunk guys??" ... probably because I didn't really eat anything all day, but even so. Oh and I basically almost killed a girl via my coffee cake.

[Offensive tangent: By the way, who's allergic to cinnimon???????? Honestly. That's like being allergic to ... cinnimon. I got nothing. Cinnimon is already a pretty ridiculous allergy on it's own... I can't add anything to it to make it seem more ridiculous. And here I thought nothing was worse than peanuts. I don't care what you say, if a fucking peanut can take you out... then evolution is trying to tell you something. Don't pass along your inferior seed! In a couple hundred years nobody will be able to eat anything, ever again.]

So after the sexy party, I call up another friend of mine and me and my peeps head over to the pub for a while... ending the night later with two McGreaseburgers. If that doesn't explain how drunk I really was then I don't know what would.

All in all, a quality night. This weekend: Father's Day! And if anyone is contemplating getting a cat/kitten.. please for the love of God CALL ME. My mother is thisclose to turning their whole appartment into a freaking refuge. She finds them abandoned in boxes and in garbage cans. People actually throw kittens away! Have a heart. Take a damn cat.

my uncle DIED of deafness!

I have the flu again. So, that's awesome. I don't just sound like a drag queen this time, but an actual mentally challenged or deaf person (due to my stuffed up nose, constant angry face and throwing my fists around wildly with frustration). If that isn't annoying enough, I got a new cell phone this week and I don't even want to talk to anyone on it. I imagine the conversation would go something like this:

"who is this?"
"don't be silly, it's Ann-Marie"
"Ann-Marie? what's with your voice? are you.. are you making fun of retards?"
"what? no I'm.."
"omg you are, you are making fun of retards!"
"wait NO! I'm sick.. I swear to G.."
"you know my uncle DIED of deafness, and he was also autistic!"
"what? look I just called to ask you about Sunday"
"oh, as if! you're sooo un-invited asshole. in fact, i hope you die!"
"grandma please... "
*click*

See how that took a turn there, my grandmother calling me an asshole and everything. Yeah. Don't even expect me to make any sense right now.

Speaking of.

So basically I've decided that it's totally creepy to cry during tv shows. I don't have a great explaination for this, in fact, I don't have any explaination at all. I just find something wrong with watching a pre-recorded fictional event on every wednesday at 8pm that actually brings TEARS to come out of you with SADNESS. I say this mostly because it'd piss me off so badly how Extreme Home Makeover would make me all misty every damn time I watched it. You think, my God, how many times can I feel bad for a family living in poverty? Apparently the answer is, an indefinite amount of times! Everytime I would just try and enjoy the story and see what they did to the house BAM, Ty would tell me how this lady and her 8 kids were living in a house made of cotton balls and everytime it rained, one of them died!
Anyways, like I said.. that's where my hatred for crying during tv shows started. Then apparently (since I stopped watching that cry-fest of a show) all of a sudden I found American Inventor to be horribly sad, and the other night I was getting all misty watching House, of all things. I don't even like that guy! He's such an asshole that anytime you even attempt to like him as a character he does something really rude and you hate him again. Then at the end of the show, when something happens he just gets this thoughtful look on his face like something really affected him and suddenly, here I am about to cry. Whatever, House!

"I like puzzles, so I'm interested in things that don't fit."

Well aren't you complex; stop making me feel... feelings! We all know you didn't care about that cancer girl. You aren't even a real person! It's creepy for me to be even momentarily sad by this... at least American Inventor had that guy who could barely speak English who made that child-seat because his daughter died in a car accident. *sniff* I love that guy.



Oh, and I finished my 43things list. Anyone care to share theirs?

Science says I'm not an asshole

Revenge: do it for society.


Altruistic punishment may be the glue that keeps societies together.

I honestly think this is the best thing I've heard since a doctor once told me drinking alcohol makes you smarter. Except that turned out not to be true. Now I don't trust anyone with a t-shirt that says "yes, I'm really a doctor"... you've ruined it for everyone! So that makes this the one and only actual time then. Still, pretty damn good.

Maybe I should make a new list on my 43 things, like My Name Is Earl. Only instead of making right all the things I did wrong... it'll be a list of all the people I have to find and let the air our of their tires/post naked pictures of them on the internet/punch in the face. Thank you, National Geographic!

I can fly a plane again!

www.lasikathome.com
[courtesy of Rob]







A n n says:
other than fool people.. then im not sure what the point of the site is
Robert says:
you could say that same thing about Beth's site
A n n says:
good point



You gotta love the random Beth burns. I mean, I do. Regular posts coming when, well, regular stuff happens. So far, nada. All weird stuff. Cartoon porn and lasers. Still contemplating on whether or not to post actual pictures on here again. Until then, my princess birthday party will remian on the shelf.

One step away from molesting the South Park kids

Edit: I actually had to do something I never thought I'd do. Go back and delete something I posted because there were too many perverts being directed to this website. Thanks for being the sour milk in my coffee.

I don't get it...

make it happen

I found this great site called 43 things!

It encourages you to make a list of things you want to make happen in your life, then it shows you other people who are also trying to accomplish that task. You can write a blog about your progress, check off what you've accomplished, and recommend to other users what is worth doing and what's not. I think that's a fantastic idea, so I made a account too! So far I'm having a lot of fun with it, so I figured I'd share. You can put anything you want, obviously, and I think it's neat how honest and ridiculous some people's lists are. Like, hack into someone's computer. Wtf? lol. It makes me want to be honest and ridiculous too. And why not? It's my life, afterall. Professional Bee Keeping, here I come!!

I'm not going to post my list since for some reason lately I wouldn't want to influence anyone too much with my opinion. lol. So I'm encouraging anyone to make your own lists, make them as creative as you can, then make it happen. Unless you have "steal Ann's life" on your list ... in that case I'll suggest not making that one happen. Instead, maybe learn Japanese or create a Scorpion mailing service for the blind. I hear those are just about as useful, however, not as popular ;)




[14:05] Sean: you know the ice cap that hortons has?
[14:05] Sean: they have a vanilla bean one!
[14:05] Sean: OMFG
[14:05] Sean: heaven!
[14:05] Sean: but heaven costs 5 bucks

As good as you can copy and paste it

So apparently for the last 2 years I have had 2 websites. My own, and a really bad carbon copy of it "written" by a 17 year old girl from white-trash New Jersey (sorry New Jersey, I just can't like you anymore.. blame Beth Mandio. No hard feelings.)

You might ask yourself "but Ann, how did you find out about this if it's been happening for 2 years?? you never read Nancy Drew.... did you?" and my answer is, for your information, I read the babysitters club! and I'm only 110% ashamed to admit that. I also don't solve mysteries in my spare time so I figured it out because she was actually stupid enough to hotlink my entire picture set of my trip to Montreal on fotopic {cached copy if the link stops working}. Then I looked for and found all her other journals/everything online which were at least partially taken from something I wrote, conversation I posted etc.. from the perspective that she was me and "Ann" was her friend, but she also referred to me as Riley.

And now that I've read everything (I mean every dirty word) ... yanno, I don't see a reason why we wouldn't be friends! She wrote a list based on her observations of movies? I did too! We answer a lot of the same surveys (scroll down left column) the same way? That's amazing! She hates Oprah's Book club? (scroll down to highlighted yellow, it's been deleted) So do I! She thinks ripping people off is ok if they're stupid? Omg, me too!!

Think of it as she's the James Frey of the internet, and took a "Million Little Pieces" of my website for herself. So... what would you expect me to do in this situation?

Let me remind you for a second, a few internet losers told me I didn't know the meaning of "literally" back in September on some gay comment board on a website that isn't even that popular and nobody would check again.. and I went out of my way to dictionary those fucking jackasses back into their mothers basement. So, really, what would you expect me to do in this situation? Think about that for a second.

The answer is send her a courtesy box of scorpions in the mail labeled "tasty delicious cupcakes" but I didn't have her address so I did the next best thing: screen captured everything. What? you think I wouldn't go through the trouble of screen capturing it? Or how about every single relevant (60%+ copied content) entry there was? That's 90+ entries by the way. Each screen capture is a ridiculously large file size, so I'm not going to post them one by one because that's a poor use of my time, but I'll just show you some directly comparable entries.... yanno, to really illustrate what I mean when I say she's as crazy as the day is long.

1. new years [my post: dec 29] vs [her copy: dec 31] ...also re-posted on her myspace blog!
   
2. she also mixes my entries together --- ipod {aug19} & tanorexia vs [her copy 1 & 2]
   
3. then she actually emailed me asking for my advice --- http://web.archive.org/web/20050126233642/http://asgoodasitgets.org/ vs [her copy]

Pretty creative stuff right? See that's one thing nobody appreciates about liars... their ingenuity, their dedication. Remember.. there are at least 80 more of them! Probably because she really wants to be a writer... nice profile. I also have a friend named Brooke who snorts when she laughs. Like I said, we have so much in common it's a true crime we're not actually friends.

In the meantime... who likes cached links? I know I do! Mostly because, you can't delete them :) I'll just refer to them with her original "never seen before" titles, and if you've read my site for any length of time I won't need to explain any of it.

1. Don't go quietly
2. I think you're wild when you flash that fragile smile ( 1 extra page)
3. Beth's Blurty
4. as good as it gets!

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Those take some time and attention to read, so here's a few of my personal favourite moments:

1. When her journal won AOL Editors Pick.. and all the people who congratulated her!
2. Her posting pictures of me and a bridge troll of an ex-boyfriend on her "Summer 05" webshots list. I puked like 45 times. That's dehydration level puking, fyi.
3. Comments by "Ann" on her pictures of Jersey --- she posted those comments, a picture of someone else as "Ann" and Jersey looks a lot like NH&Maine. Oh wait, it is.
4. Uh myspace or myspace? --- blog, profile

I love the "About Me" blurb she chose for her profile. Not written by me, but irony is better than Jesus.

You can make a fresh start at any moment you choose, cuz this thing we call "failure" isn't falling on ur ass but when you get up accept the stupid mistake, or careless error in judgment. For some people this may be weird to read because im usually known as a funny, immature girl, but shit happens when you least expect it baby.

If you'd like to get to know me better i'd be flattered!! Don't be coy IM my trickarsss: bethdangerously

bethdangerously.. what a great idea for a screen name! See when I thought of it, it was from that movie Johnny Dangerously with Michael Keaton, because he was SO COOL with his silver cigarette case... but I bet she's got an even better explanation of where that came from. Don't be coy, feel free to ask her, or get to know her better. Her real AIM names and contact info is:

aangelisqt
homegrown7823
aangelisqt@aol.com ... itz_mandioO@hotmail.com ... http://myspace.com/bethmandio (you'll have to add her to your friends)



Why do all this for someone not really worth the effort? One word. Balls. Ok two words, MASSIVE BALLS. You've got to have some real, genuine, watermelon-sized balls to actually submit what essentially is someone else's website content in a contest. That's like me pasting a picture of your dad onto my face and having sex with his wife. AKA YOUR MOM. Because to my knowledge there is nothing more inflammatory than telling someone you're going to give it to their Mom. That's what my website is to me. Mom sex. It's not great, it's not award winning (or maybe it is now) sometimes it's silly or stupid or confusing or uninteresting... it could be spelled wrong, punctuated horribly, and insulting to your religion... but it's still mine and it's going to stay that way.

So in case that mom sex comment threw you off, or you're overwhelmed by "crazy" and you can't determine what point I'm trying to make, I'll make it super-duper clear that next time it happens, causing someone's fake online universe to collapse won't be enough for me.

While I appreciate the totally f'd compliment that I am a talented writer, or that my opinions are worth duplicating, that I'm cool, or that I have a way more interesting life than you... this is going way too far. For example, if I go as far as she's gone in impersonating me I might say that if it happens again I will hunt you down and kill your parents. Unless you don't like your parents.. in that case, I will make them more alive somehow. Like, introduce them to a sensible diet and exercise plan so that they live a really really really long time.


You don't want to know how far I'll go.

For another more realistic example, if in all my google-ing I found out that someone related to you (possibly your dad) has a law firm in the state you live... I might contact them and ask if I have a case against you, and to familiarize me with the law in NJ about this specific situation. I'm a curious girl, I am. But .. I bet "Beth-Ann" knows that.

And anyone who ever google's your name will forever be sent to this page. You're welcome.

Associating hunger with fear

Why can't he be more like Mayor McCheese? Also... why is this $45? Don't they understand that I can't jusify smelling like cookies for more than maybe 20 dollars? I absolutely need to make other people hungry when I sit near them, and when they get close I yell RAPE! RAPIST! SOMEBODY HELP ME! Haha, that'd be great. Except if you are unfortunately the victim of a real rape.. in that case you probably think I'm worse than Hitler. That's totally fine with me.

You know, everything I want should be free... or jusifiable. And no, changing my wants to things like "sunny days and life-saving anti-biotics" isn't a realistic alternative solution.

You're so cute when you're slurring your speech

Wait for it. It'll be worth it, I promise.




In the meantime, here are Robbie's pictures from the Deathcab for Cutie show. Much better than mine were, for sure. Though I did get a pretty awesome shot of Franz Ferdinand up close.

http://flickr.com/photos/rbisnath/

The only thing that would have made it any better was if:

1. Someone didn't pull the fire alarm during my two favourite songs
2. They served anything but beer. ANYTHING.
3. The two teenage couples in front of us hadn't bought their tickets specifically so they could have a spot to make-out that wasn't their basements/mom's car
4. No seriously... they made out the entire time...
5. I'm not even continuing the list, that's how ridiuculous it was

Venomous or Totally Safe?

Just in time for Easter!

I'm feeling a little better, not entirely, but good enough not to get arrested if I ask a cop for the time. It's good news. Really. Anyways, as you can imagine.. being sick means not a lot of really exciting stuff happens to you (except if you want to hear about the amazing sale at No Frills on Stouffers Skillet Sensations, $2.97 each.. go buy as many as you can safely carry, they're delicious!) But that just made me think, I really wish my life were like a talk show. Not just for the cool guests, or getting them to play strange games with you.. but I'd love to have one of those animal guys just drop by my house with Elephants and shit and tell me stuff about them. Seriously. I want to sign up for that. We'd both be perminantely entertained because I'd write all about it.

It'd go something like this:

"So this guy brought some poisonous snakes over. I think he was gay. I can't put my finger on it, I guess it was just the way he held his straw. I got new straws by the way, No Frills.. 5 for a dollar. Anyways, so I got him to throw me in a pit with the biggest snake.. just for laughs. I don't really remember what happened, but ever since I have these horrifying night-terrors. I wake up screaming SNAKES!! SNAKES!! Tomorrow Dr. Phil is coming over and I'm going to ask him what that means. We're also going to play "Venomous or Totally Safe?" .. hint, none of them are totally safe. Plus special musical guest on Monday's show will be Deathcab for Cutie."

See that last one is actually true because I've got 2 tickets to see them and Franz Ferdinand play at the Ricoh Coliseum. Holy crap I'm excited.




"Before you marry someone, you should see them with the flu."

- Dr. Phil

I've got the Black Lung

Subsequent to all this unseasonable drinking I'm now sick. This means I have a voice comparible only to a transgendered lounge singer, or someone with the Black Lung from working long hours in the coal mines. Notice how I didn't make a bird flu reference. Omg I got bird flu, omg don't eat at the Asian KFC! It's not one of the funny diseases, I'm sorry.

Anyways, pictures of the princess (peach vodka) party will be up later. Right now, I have to go proposition some gay men in a bad neighbourhood and dig for diamonds.. aka, take some cough medicine and sit on the couch and write hatemail.



Dear LCBO cashier,

As flattering as it is to get carded at 24, it's not that funny to make me drive home and back. It's also not cute to point out that, while I did in fact drive myself there, I do not have my license with me. My unpreparedness should only be an indicator of just how unecessary it is to even carry ID. It should also tell you I always follow the rules of the road carefully, as to not get pulled over. If you scored higer in the logic portion of your SAT's and got into college instead of working at the liquor store, you'd notice I was in a hurry. People under the age of 19 are never in a hurry because they have nowhere to be except the mall.. and it was well past 6:00, lady.

Sincerely, Ann-Marie




I had a quote from the party that Antonella said but for the life of me I can't remember what it was now. It was good though. Bird Flu punchline good.

"you're gonna get yours!"

There are three things that I can't resist, nomatter what...

1. Nutella (damn you!!)
2. An Episode of Lost

&

3. Smiling when someone I don't like gets totally screwed

I'm only going to talk about the last one, although all of the above kinda make me feel guilty. Seriously, damn you.. makers of Nutella. Anyways, I just can't help but love it when someone I don't like gets screwed in some way. Not because I wished it upon them or sat here angrily muttering "you're gonna get yours!" to nobody but my tv. It's just 100% of the satisfaction with 0% of the work. Who doesn't dig that? Some people might rub it in, or point it out and be assholes... and that is where you and I part ways on this little spite adventure. I don't do that (even though I'd really love to... so maybe I am an asshole?) Smiling is ok though.


Anyway, at the party everybody simultaniously agreed that I should bring back the quotes I used to have on my site. Apparently it was a really big deal to get on my list etc. and I had no idea, but it makes sense. My approval is pretty gratifying. So in the spirit of inspiring competition and making off-side comments famous... it's back! and so you know everything is fair game.


Kevin says:
someone made a "your mom" type of comment, and he got real serious and said "my mom died from cancer on christmas eve"

Kevin says:
i busted out laughing, so i hope he was joking

___________

Kevin says:
the other night i was up until like 3am watching david hasselhoff videos on youtube

A n n - M a r i e says:
did it haunt your dreams?

Kevin says:
i think i got turned on a little bit

Were you surprised?

Turning 24 turned out to be pretty great. I got a couple nice surprises, which is amazing since 1. it's hard to surprise me .. and 2. seeing as I'm rarely surprised, when you actually do catch me off guard I suddenly lose half my IQ and I'm all "whaaat?" and say stuff like "um do you guys want chips, I bought chips... I don't even like chips". Anyhow, I would have updated sooner but I've been drunk for two days (and lazy for one). Kinda accidentally, if you must know. I technically only had like 2 drinks and I was all flushed and ranting on about .. something. Whatever it was I just remember becoming really aware that I was the only person talking about it, I forgot what my point was like 28 times, and it was also 2am. I think my new limit is "the point where you start saying everything you think" .. ya, I'm one of those people.

So the events happen like this: Friday I drove (3 friggin hours) to Hamilton, saw my dad and grandparents (yay elliptical machine! yay coffee and cake!) and went for dinner at the Keg. Next time I really will order the steak, I'm just not a steak-y person but it was really good so that doesn't matter. Saturday when we got home from dinner at Rocco's (aka the best place to get italian food other than my grandma's house) there were a bunch of homeless people at my house ready to surprise me. lol. Instead of stealing my stuff and stabbing me, we just had a party. Some of my friends couldn't make it so we're having another party next weekend. I don't think I can act surprised for that one. Then to end the weekend, on Sunday Brooke and I drank a giant bottle of wine and watched A History of Violence. I'd go into how terrible it was but why bother.. just the fact that I'm telling you we were drinking and we STILL found the entire thing to be fucking ridiculous and cheesy is enough. To make up for it, we also drank all the Bailey's and made sandwiches.

Soooooo thanks to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday, and hoped I had fun! I did, in fact, have fun. But the best part was knowing that even if one year I don't make a big deal, other people still will and that makes me a pretty lucky girl :)