Christmas freaking Eve

When you are told all about 'Mothering' .. because people WILL tell you ALL about it even if you didn't ask... and whatnot I believed every time my child achieves a milestone I will just be so grateful and proud of them I won't mind they are growing up.  And it's been true.. every word, every poop - Christmas freaking Eve excitement.  As a parent you go from being super cool around your friends to sitting in agonizing anticipation when they learn to button a button; it just happens.

And also, you believe that wishing any less would make no sense.  It's all about raising prepared children to be well equipped adults.  It's like.. my only real JOB on Earth and to do it well my kids must know how to look after themselves eventually, right?

 I've struggled so much this year with my little Gabey as far as (TMI) potty training.  He has held on with all his might (and boy he is mighty) to these baby diapers that I almost never thought we'd get past it.  We've cried together on the floor as he begs for his diapers back, and he did the same thing with his bottle.  I feared I made my middle child grow up faster than he was ready to and in doing so probably make the situation worse.  

I've worried the worry of a thousand Italian grandmothers to have him ready for school that well, now we are at our goal (uh yay!) and all I can think of is how unbelievably sad I am we are... ready... for.. school?

I never felt this way about my oldest son Ethan.

1. He is a January baby so, he's one of the oldest in his class

2. beyond ready, excited and overly talkative

3. our school was only half the week

None of these things describe my current situation with Gabriel although he has Ethan and is therefore fairly excited to go.

But.  BUT.  Gabriel is JUST THREE years old, he's shy, he doesn't pronounce words very well, and school is all day every day now in our school system.  I won't be sending him everyday because that's the only way I can see him handling such a huge schedule, however, I still did not prepare myself in preparing him to go at all.  Mommy FAIL on my part because I am not a person who can hide my emotions on my face so if I simultaneously cry and smile on the first day of school I will look so insane nobody will come over for playdates.

I need to get my crap together because he's too sweet to have no friends...