5 douchey things to douche

There are not a whole lot of things that can make you an instant douchebag.  Over time, sure, but that's a hard judgement to put across in the mere seconds you meet someone.

Some exceptions:

1. Your wifi network is ALL CAPS and it's just YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIENDS NAMES UNDERSCORE NETWORK.  It would almost be less douchy if they were slightly imaginative..
2. Twirling your car keys when you get out of the car.. double douchery if you're wearing a leather jacket!
3. Paying for hundreds of dollars worth of wine out of your $300 Coach wallet and actually decline to add a dollar to your purchase to donate to some Christmas charity, likely for kids.  Douche excuse?  Oh I'm here buying liquor and shit all the time, because I run out so fast, so I've already donated or whatever.. 
4. Telling someone (me), in the bitchiest way possible right off the bat, to wait until you push a button before they (me) are allowed to come up to the counter and pay for something extremely heavy that they (me) had been waiting to put down.  I know, this has literally happened to no one other than (me).
5. Stalking someone in your car to confront them in person about their driving.  Then agreeing with them.  If you're going to go that far into being a douchebag, at least stick to whatever irrational ideas you had in the first place.

Just saying!  Sometimes there is no grey area.. it's just black or asshole.