Garbage Pail Kids

I have no idea if toy marketing is even directed at children anymore, or just their impressionable spots in their tiny brains. I have witnessed THE THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE PHENOMENON.. with more cast of characters than Cats; ELMO and his constant professing of his undying love for your children "mhm".. and recently I witnessed a 3yr old boy totally convinced he needs a "Little Mommy" doll, but only for the 30 seconds the commercial is on.

Let me save you some intense Christmas Shopping in 09' .. are you asking yourself how do you top the Wii and all it's $40 games I bought which my kid made me trade in to get new ones but the guy only gave me $12 for 20? I'll show you, as simple as can be if you shut off the TV.


Things people think kids love to play with:

Crazy Forts.. 5 mins of fun

$900 Pink Retro Kitchen your kids don't "get"

Your own park minus all the friends

"S'mores" the cyber pony .. offering you robotic pony friendship without the poop

$150 Newport "Perfect Summer" Beach Doll House
(without the dolls and furniture)

Crazy Modern Doll House Furniture that is better than your actual furniture

Things kids actually love to play with:

Coin Rolls you get free at the bank

Piece of Memory Foam that came with my birthday package from Andrea

Just a diaper box... google image search it!

It's been a few rainy days now and despite the abundance of toys, the kids chose to play with literally those last three items for hours, so, if you want to be a hit this season just pick up some garbage and scatter it around the Christmas tree. From what I have learned the past few years make sure to include: oven mitts, swimming goggles, dish gloves, old hats, paint, glitter stickers and drum sticks.

You'll be shouting from the rooftops:

MERRY CHRISTMAS THIS ALL COST FIVE DOLLARS AND DIDN'T INCLUDE ME FLIPPING OUT WHEN I WALK DOWNSTAIRS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND SEE S'MORES STARING AT ME WITH HIS DEAD ROBO EYES.