Venomous or Totally Safe?

Just in time for Easter!

I'm feeling a little better, not entirely, but good enough not to get arrested if I ask a cop for the time. It's good news. Really. Anyways, as you can imagine.. being sick means not a lot of really exciting stuff happens to you (except if you want to hear about the amazing sale at No Frills on Stouffers Skillet Sensations, $2.97 each.. go buy as many as you can safely carry, they're delicious!) But that just made me think, I really wish my life were like a talk show. Not just for the cool guests, or getting them to play strange games with you.. but I'd love to have one of those animal guys just drop by my house with Elephants and shit and tell me stuff about them. Seriously. I want to sign up for that. We'd both be perminantely entertained because I'd write all about it.

It'd go something like this:

"So this guy brought some poisonous snakes over. I think he was gay. I can't put my finger on it, I guess it was just the way he held his straw. I got new straws by the way, No Frills.. 5 for a dollar. Anyways, so I got him to throw me in a pit with the biggest snake.. just for laughs. I don't really remember what happened, but ever since I have these horrifying night-terrors. I wake up screaming SNAKES!! SNAKES!! Tomorrow Dr. Phil is coming over and I'm going to ask him what that means. We're also going to play "Venomous or Totally Safe?" .. hint, none of them are totally safe. Plus special musical guest on Monday's show will be Deathcab for Cutie."

See that last one is actually true because I've got 2 tickets to see them and Franz Ferdinand play at the Ricoh Coliseum. Holy crap I'm excited.




"Before you marry someone, you should see them with the flu."

- Dr. Phil