It happened one night

There are some times in life that we might call 'boring' .. it is nobody's favourite.  The same alarm-angry moment we were wrenched from sleep, same breakfast, same commute to work, the 'this or that' in your day that needs your tedious attention.  The same basic routine.  While lots of people claim to hate this kind of boring part of life, we rely on things being just so sometimes for a few reasons.  One is that it's pretty much impossible to be a regular person otherwise.  I'm just saying, the funnest person you know on Earth still has to grocery shop alone sometimes.  As a mom of three boys I actually DO consider doing anything by myself exciting, especially shopping!! but I'm making a bigger point here.  Two is that we cannot emotionally handle life being out of sorts all the time; specifically.. there will also be times in life where way too many exciting things will happen all at once and we need the boredom to go back to when it's over.

This week is such a time where unexpectedly we'll have had a wedding a funeral and a family birthday party all within a literal 7 day period.  The world just keeps on teaching you lessons, but we all know that already.   However it must not think I am paying attention enough to ever do so in a subtle way.  Like ever.  Or perhaps like a buffet Life just wants to give me everything it has available!  

Since the week started off with a celebration I will keep it on that note and say that my cousin's wedding was the most fun day I've been a part of in a while.  It was long and at the same time went by so fast and made so many memories.  I wish I could sum anything about it up for you all dear readers but all I have are photos, favourite stories and new friends.  

What's a phone booth?

Exactly 2 weeks until my 31st birthday.  Checked out some tiaras? Oh helllllls yes I did.

So for the last day of March Break my friend Brooke and I took her nephew Liam and my oldest son Ethan, who are little friends, to BrickCity in Niagara Falls for a day of fun.  I also kept referring to it as a day of fun, like that episode of Friends' Joey and Janice's Day of Fun!! 

We had an amazing day, especially the playland afterward where we shot at balls together Gladiator gauntlet style.  I just loved the whole day so much.  There was however an astonishing moment that I did not think I'd reach so soon in my lifetime.  BrickCity has a neat little I Spy game in their massive installations and when I asked the boys to find 2 phone booths Ethan said 

"What's a phone booth?"  

Uh..  wow.  This is the world I am living in.  Ethan actually calls himself "The News" because he likes to report on everything.  "This just in, Gabriel is throwing things down the stairs.. more at 11."  He knows everything about everything but a phone booth NO that's just weird technology.  I remember not having internet, guys!  Anyone recall getting their info from Encarta '95?  I feel like I'm turning 105 not 31.  

But nothing from Titanic

I attended a 40th birthday last week, hosted at a neat pub with some live music etc.  I won't even get started on how troubling it was to see the lead singer outside smoking as she had an amazing voice!  Annnd I'm even SOUNDING old now aren't I?

At the same time it seemed like there was also someone's 50 or 60th birthday being celebrated at the pub so the band played mostly older tunes like We Belong Together and Earth Angel etc.  Suddenly, I felt the urge to go watch the movie La Bamba again!

There was a point in the night where they played Build Me Up Buttercup and a friend and I are singing along, it was a little incredible that I knew the whole thing as though I heard it yesterday!  She on the other hand did not.  The weird part to me was I couldn't explain afterward because I don't remember how I know all the words.  At all.  It's like there's just a black hole where that information was.  It actually bothered me so much that I went home and googled it for references that made sense, and I came up with the movie There's Something About Mary.

Anyone remember this at the end??





I guess I really liked it???  Now I've been singing it all week long!  Man I love that super tanned old lady.  I feel like this is a 90s maybe music movie marathon night waiting to happen because of all this.  Ok let's make a list!

1. La Bamba
2. There's Something About Mary
3. Empire Records
4. My Cousin Vinny for the accents
5. That Thing You Do
6. Pulp Fiction 
7. annnd let's put My Girl in there just for the heck of it.  I like mood rings.

Did I miss anything???

Cure for a Rainy Monday

What's up, lousy smarch weather!?

My money smells like Tequila

Every good old fashioned Bachelorette Party includes three things:

1. so much colourful liquor
2. completely inappropriate behaviour
3. stories you can't tell anyone later

The girls had a nice send-off for my cousin this past weekend which included all three things.  I'll just say it was less of a "take a last look at freedom" and more of a scared straight into marriage program.  It was an unforgettable night and a hell of a lot of fun.  This would be a boring post if there wasn't at least one story that I can tell, and I am pretty sure you haven't heard it before.


We had to park extremely far away from this club we were going to, don't ask why, and before we even get in my cousin Anna starts having an asthma attack.  It's -8 C (or 18 F for you non-imperialists) outside by the way, and it's a bitter biting cold. She takes 5 minutes to breathe, scaring the crap out of us in the process but insists maybe it's the cold air and that she will be totally fine; of course that's not what happens.  We get into the club and it's wall to wall people and enough smoke machines for 8 rap videos.  Obviously soon after she starts having larger asthma attack! and I had just checked our jackets and gotten a drink when I find out.  

I'll just interrupt for a moment so you will understand one key thing about this story: I never wear heels unless I absolutely have to.  Ever.  My own wedding?  Fancy flats.  Maybe because I am not very short, I have no idea, I just refuse to do almost anything that isn't the most comfortable choice.  So while I was wearing a nice outfit, my awesome jeans VS my mom jeans that always have a Lego man, gas receipt or Bakugan cards in the pockets, I still had some black Roxy flats on that I purchased about 9 years ago and I will continue to do this every single time I am not required to wear heels.  They are already worn in why even buy another pair??  I had to actually give up my flats to the bride-to-be on the way home because she couldn't walk anymore and exchange for her heels.  How in the world was she wearing them for more than 10 minutes, I don't know!  I felt like a baby giraffe.  She might be the real hero of the night but let's continue with the story.

So, being the only person with sensible shoes/can run, I quickly ask the coat check girl if I can have my jacket for a second because I need to go get someone's puffer.  She tells me, no joke, that I will need to pay for coat check again if I take it.  That piece of BS doesn't stand with me, so I tell her to keep it, I down my drink and run out the door with freaking mardi-gras beads on in negative 8 weather.  Don't worry we'd already been drinking at the party before getting here so I had the alcohol to help me stay warm.  I just love that paying twice wasn't even an option to me for some reason.   On the way there and back I legit ran past two chicks dressed appropriately going for a real run who looked super puzzled and gave me a smiling nod.  Like, are you running from a rapist or you just really felt like getting some exercise in before you go clubbing?  Either way I suppose they approved.

Post-run photo with my cousin Carolanne, and also only photo on my phone 

When I got back (she was fine) Carolanne makes what I thought was the funniest statement ever said during a Bachelorette party .. "wow thank god you're a runner!"   Oh yes, of course it comes in handy at all occasions and emergencies.  Need me to get you some candles for that Penis cake real fast?  I won't even take my car.  BRB.

Anyway the other stories from the night are funnier and of course much more inappropriate, but I will say we re-named the club we were at from Dirty Martini to Aggressive Martini by the time we left.  No idea if that's what going out is like now, but we spent the whole night trying to dance, not get lost and pull guys off of each other.  Just try and imagine Indiana Jones in that pit of snakes.. or a bunch of velociraptors hunting in the wild trying to pick one of us off at a time and separate us from the group;  I mean the smoke machine's really helped up their game.  I will say one nice thing was some guy who helped me order at the bar and paid for our drinks and then said hey thanks for talking to me and left us alone!  He was clearly DD for the velociraptors, or didn't belong there.  Great night otherwise but we sure did scare the hell out of her to ever think being single would be fun again.  Mission.. accomplished????  

Mini

As a regular glasses wearer since the age of 17, my experience going to get an eye exam is just a yearly reminder I'm blind except every year I get just a liiiiittle bit closer to owning a seeing eye dog.  My eye doctor says "Nope, not this year!" and we do an air high five (that doesn't actually happen).  It goes without saying then that I'm pretty used to shopping for glasses by now but today was different.

This time I brought my baby Kieran with me and his fascination with my glasses made me a little nervous I'd have about 5 minutes of shopping time before he was trying to tear the store down.  Instead, he went to the kids area and pointed up at "that one" and made me give it to him to put on.

Just about the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life.. he is his mama's boy.  This expression was mostly due to the ladies in the store losing their freaking minds when they saw him.

So crafty I pee glitter

I'm a member of a wine and cheese group of ladies who meet about once a month.  I figured I'd do something special and try and idea I saw on Pinterest.   Let's see how I did!

Hello, DIY glitter glasses.

So sparkly!  The blue one is mine, because it was my learning glass... and there is also a red one not pictured here.  The problem with Ann-Marie 'DIY' is that it's MacGyver'd to whatever I have in the house; it's not Pinterest compatible you might say.  Luckily I totally had Martha Stewart glitter anyways but all the blogs I've read on this project have included something called Mod Podge and 'curing it' with sealing spray paint.  Ain't nobody got time for that.  

What did I use?

• glitter
• school glue
• OPI nail polish top coat

BAM.  Done.  

Note: the top coat smell will give you a little headache not going to lie.

What happens the first wine night? Everyone had glitter in their wine and the FIRST thing I think of is "awesome, we'll literally be pissing glitter later!"  Is there anything more crafty than that?  I mean, yes, probably doing the whole project properly and dishwasher safe blah blah.  Isn't my way a little better though?  Adds little fun I think.  I do it half wrong but it always looks so good, so who cares?  

Every teacher I ever had just shed a collective tear.  I'm sorry.

When am I not a 30 year old?

Games.  Any game.

 Recently I had the mother of one of my best friends 'play me' on a silly game I started all of 2 weeks ago to basically zone out from my day, and what does she do?  Keeps razzing me.. incessantly!  Anytime her mother beats my score in a level she posts on my Facebook wall something along the lines of..



"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

It's all in good fun because a) I know the game itself encourages you to brag when you oust someone and b) I haven't said I'm bothered by it in the least.  BUT THEN suddenly she posts on my wall today that my friend had told her that I'm not super into people beating me at games so she will continue to raz me because of it.  Doesn't like to be beat at games?? WHAT?  THIS GIRL?  This is where some weird person takes over my body and told her not to worry.. I'll remember to rub it in the next time she catches up to me in the game.... whenever that is.

Ya I said that.. to her MOM, guys.

I'm operating on a 12 year old level at games now.  It's great.  I stop playing games sometimes for huge periods of time just to avoid this.  You know I played You Don't Know Jack one time and suddenly felt like I needed to know Jack more than Jack's own parents?  True.









Little known fact: when I was actually 12 years old my Dad refused to play Mortal Kombat with me anymore due to my swearing like a sailor.  I don't even know what to say about that!!

Simpler times

Ain't no party like a Build a Bear party because a Build a Bear party COSTS YOU AT LEAST FIFTY DOLLARS.

He picked a puppy dressed as Captain America.  And it sings Happy Birthday.  Who knew that's all it takes???

He is even jazz-hands excited for his McCain Triple Chill cake.  How dare I, I know.. but this boy for some reason doesn't actually like cake.. just the frosting or ice cream, so, I thought this was better than anything I could make anyhow.


Now the next and final birthday will be for yours truly.  I have really loved and learned a lot of things being 30 but 31.. I may have mentioned before it's kind of a special date.

I know turning your age on your birthdate is called a Champagne Year.. but what if you're 31 on the 31st of the 3rd month in 2013? And it's the day of the premier of season 3 of Game of Thrones? Sounds like a Champagne Pixie Dust Double Rainbow year to me.

What could be better than going to Vegas last year?  I don't know yet.  I'm really, really going to try to finish my 30 list by then .. I SWEAR.. but as luck would have my cousin Alisia is getting married the very weekend before so I'm devoting a lot of time to that.  It's a very special wedding to me and will be such a great day I'm so excited to be there, and those jerks won't even BE at my 31st party.. they'll be on their 'honeymoon' or some excuse! ;)   What would the Champagne Pixie Dust Double Rainbow birthday have me do??  Maybe I should fly out to their resort and bang on their door every morning at 6am asking why they don't want to go for a 10k run with me... or interrupt their tanning time with stories of all the kitchen staff I've befriended and name all the members of their families.

Sounds fun right??  31 is turning me into Java Man apparently.

Non-stop birthdays

I ask myself today, why must I endure all my kids aging at once??  Was this particular circle of hell too awful for Dante's Inferno, so he just basically left it out?

It's my BABY Kieran's 2nd birthday today.

And.

And.

NOOO MORE BABY.

Stop this train!  I'd like to get off now, please.


Before having any kids please know right now that I was in no way a person who really liked kids, dreamed of having babies, or understood anything about babies/kids.  They seemed to like me and that was terrifying.  Asking me to hold one was like giving me the choice between cutting the red wire or blue wire.  I have no idea what I'm doing! I'm going to blow us all to pieces!!

Clearly, we change and grow (up) .. I have them to thank for most of it.  I am lucky enough to get to be with my children every day and they still manage to surprise me with how they are amazing PEOPLE.  Did you know my Lego birthday 7yr old can read, write, and brought home FIVE pages of math work last night all marked perfect?  Perfect.

You get to bring home one of these soft pink-skinned wonders, feed them, clothe and re-clothe, love them, sing to them, ponder every bodily function they have, make rules for them, teach them, spoil them, worry for them, rush to get them medicine, hold their hands, then they go and do something to surprise you or to just make you so proud of them that you're sure there's no other reason you are on Earth.  Let me tell you, that is a strange and lovely emotion.

Now if you will excuse me I have to go wait for this kid to wake up from his nap so I can CRUSH HIM WITH HUGS.  He just loooooves that (if I make dinosaur noises) haha.

Lego Birthday Party!

First, let's meet our party subject.  

This is my son Ethan Avery on the morning of January 18th his 7th.. SEVENTH.. birthday.  Uhh how the hell did this happen...????

His spikey 'special occasions' hair and snowpants/old man pose!

The only thing this guy ^^^ loves more then Lego is... nothing.  He loves nothing more than Lego; possibly me, one of the bringers of Lego.. but perhaps that's just a fantasy I have?

Exhibit A, B, C, D and E

...........

Tell me when can a boy have enough Legos?

My challenge was to fulfill his insistent request for a home birthday party with a minimal amount of fail in the fun ideas department.  Join me if you want to see how I did!  Otherwise this is just a lot of noise.

Invitations: 

Cast of characters.. only 8 of his very nearest and dearest friends (4 couldn't make it.. I was not sad) who all think farts are endless fun.

Invitation template I found online, re-edited at picmonkey.com and printed out at my local Walmart as 4x6 'photos'
Those photos became the invites and only 50 cents each!

The blank invite, if you need it :)

Different invitation photo, blank, from Delia Creates

Decorations:  

This sign greeted our guests.  The idea was off of Pinterest and
I added the stormtrooper to 'make sure only invited guests can come inside' ;)

I took most of my decoration printables from Delia Creates where I used the idea of the Lego wall collage and also the plates.   There was another Lego birthday banner and cut outs I used but I can't find that link so I won't include it.

Printed out this giant sign to "legoland" in the basement.
I kept this to put in his bedroom later.

We also had about 100 helium balloons all over the ceiling in the basement of Legoland with some cut outs of Lego faces on the walls.  Yeah... should have taken a picture of that.

+ Persnickety Prints for their Lego printable party package.

Activities:  

I set up the Lego table downstairs so the kids were making things, and I attempted to have a Lego Race Car building contest.  We were GOING to race them and the winners would take home some posters I printed out from the Lego City website.  That did NOT work out because off-brand Lego is the WORST and no one could figure it out, and it wouldn't lock in properly.. DO NOT BE TEMPTED TO BUY IT.  So, I decided to take an extra Lego set I bought on sale and have the boys put it together and choose two kids I felt 'co-operated' the best in the building process would take home the posters I printed out.

Lego Colouring pages and Poster printables on the Lego City website.

I also made a colouring book as a party favour for our goodie bags that said "thanks for coming to my party" with guys like this.

And the favour bags of course I didn't take ANY photos of but the idea was my own.. I bought yellow bags and drew a unique Lego face onto all of them.  I think they were pretty darn good, too.

There's also a Ninjago colouring page here.

Food:

I attempted to make a Jello mould so that some Lego candy looked 'stuck' inside, but, as I thought, the candy will melt.  Might not be a pretty Pinterest picture but the kids will basically love it anyway even if it looks totally horrific when you try to cut it.  I just told them they could eat the pieces and, bam, magic.  I also put the candy in the goodie bags, you can buy them at Bulk Barn they are awesome.

via MoneyWiseMoms

I was unsure if the kids appreciated my making and not buying their Birthday cakes last year.  My husband was not so subtle in trying to let me off the hook 'with everything I was doing' aka it sucked last year... but I had seen a great idea and felt it was my moment to test it out.

Meet the Lego Bricks Cake!

You just bake a sheet cake and cut into sections and frost... EASY ENOUGH FOR ME.  You might want to freeze it beforehand so you don't get all the crumbs like I did.  For the Lego bumps I cut marshmallows in half and put them on a section of lollipop stick to frost and place on top.  I frankly used way too much gel colouring on the blue and red 'aka purple'.. resulting in 2 kids looking like they had mouth sores.   So... don't do that?

As you can see the reaction on their little faces you'd think I made a miracle appear.  TEN boys completely focused and silent for about 8 whole minutes observing and eating this cake.

There are some unbelievable Lego cakes out there, not including professional ones like I bought for Ethan's 5th birthday:

But this little-cake-that-could was just as mind-blowing to these kids.. and I love that.  One boy even burst out with "this is the best party EVER!!!"  I was like wow thanks dude, I bet you say that to all the parties but I really needed that after 3 weeks of putting this stuff together.  I sacrificed showering for this party for goodness sakes!



Of course my own kid just sat there with a low-key grin of 'hey thanks'
....all blue in the mouth and adorable.

Pin in it

I used to joke that I hoped every couple would have a really 'Pinteresting' wedding, and refused to get an account on the aforementioned website Pinterest ( no link since you may have heard of it! ) just because I thought it was so ridiculous.  I say this having just mentioned my website is pinned all the time for my fun fail superhero party last year.  But still, I thought: I do have the ability to just remember things.. idea boards are for crazy ladies or maybe hippies with too many magazines.

That was until my best friend Andrea just got engaged over the weekend.  Um.. YAY!  So whilst I save up for my flight to visit the west coast in 2013, I am already afraid that I've gone past some sort of point ( or pin ) of no return.  This happened yesterday night where I found myself literally describing Time as 'at this point in my Pinning' 

That sure escalated quickly.   Anyhow... great ideas though, so I'll share.

Andrea's Wedding Board

follow the wedding board

I also pinned stuff for Ethan's Lego Party happening this Saturday on there, let's see how that turns out.  Go ahead and follow me but I can't promise you it won't eventually lead you to a board just for sweaters.

Baby, where’d you get your crazy from?

Happy New Year, everyone.  From the moms who find me through 'pinning' Superhero Parties on Pinterest.. to those who should be ashamed of what they Googled to get here!  I hope it's been a good start to your 2013.

This year finds me already smack in the middle of needing to put away Christmas things and planning my oldest sons 7th birthday bash.  He is a spoiled one, that one, a little dictator prince.  After having just last year sworn off doing an at home birthday party EVER AGAIN.. he requests a home birthday party but with more guests!  We had to prune this list down to TWELVE of his closest friends (not even including my own three boys).  Just note that anyone you happen to run into at Walmart two weeks before the party will also be added by your son on the spot.  So, thus starts the never-ending winterfest of crazy that December kicks starts at my house... and I say, challenge accepted.  I'll see that Superhero party: fun fail last year.. and raise you a Lego Party: the reckoning.  In fact if you search 'fun fail' in Pinterest you will find my site pretty fast, and that's so appropriate to me in general.  But that's not what I am sharing with you today.  I am here in the spirit of a fresh new year by airing my grievances that will later be very informative if my kids ever want to know where they got their crazy from.  Answer: you got it from yo mamma!

Things that bother me WAY more than they should, in no particular order:

1.
Gifting my grandparents a Keurig coffee machine, with all the extras, to have them tell me it's too complicated to use as a second machine and though they did not even take it out of the BOX.  What they would like it to be exchanged for? ANOTHER REGULAR DRIP MACHINE.. step-wise it's actually far more complicated than using the Keurig.

I know they say you should never expect a pear tree to bear apples, but, really.

2.
When I get things gifted to me that actually make no sense.  Like my mother buying my ice skates this year, and a half size too small.  I've been a 7.5 shoe for roughly the last 15 years. Probably the last time I also went ice skating.

3.
Neighbours who build a fence between our properties yet constantly come over to 'my side' to blow leaves up my lawn and scalp 'my side' of the grass.  No idea why there's even a fence there, then!  It's not even a privacy fence it's just a stupid iron divider.

4.
Other Moms, at times, if anyone suggests that if I mention in a relevant discussion that I had my three babies 'naturally' .. aka the only experience I have to draw from.. I am being judgemental to moms who do not deliver their babies that way.  Not sure when this happened in the Mom-culture but it's REALLY ANNOYING.   There is no best way to have a baby!!  If there was I expect to see an awards ceremony somewhere, and diamond tiaras.  So. many. tiaras.  Not that I'd get one, just putting it out there.

5.
Nail polish.  It simply will chip the second you finish it, and then I look like a crack addict for a week, yet I don't stop using it.  If I spend $15 on a nail polish I like isn't there some kind of formula they can use to have that not happen?? The whole purpose is to stay on! It makes no sense!!

6.
Hummer Trucks/SUVs.  Seriously really bother me.. there is nowhere in suburbia that is acceptable to me to own and drive one.  Regardless of how much I love some people on this earth, if they ever purchased a Hummer I am not really sure our relationship would ever be the same.

7.
Dreamcatchers as a car mirror charm.  DO YOU EXPECT TO FALL ASLEEP?



 OK I feel better now.  Ready for this year to deliver some fun, can't wait!

Busy holidays?

This was how I found Kieran (the one totally asleep is our friend) about 5 mins after coming in from a long morning of playing and digging in the snow.  Before you ask, I swear the only drug they are on is fresh air!  Totally made the list of the greatest moments of 2012 right here.

Merry Cookbookmas

Last year my friend Andrea sent me a hilarious cookbook for Christmas, and this year was no different.

Bound to be delicious!

Oh yes, it's real... and it made my freaking day mainly because it came in a package with no explanation whatsoever.  While it MIGHT make my list for my 30-30 dinner party.. I am almost tempted to make something for Christmas Eve dinner.   My grandmother will be eating it and I'll simply have no choice but to explain why I am laughing randomly through dinner otherwise she will no doubt try and drag me to an AA meeting on Christmas Day.

This Christmas I must say has been pretty sweet since we've stepped up the festiveness .. i.e. there is currently a 20 foot inflatable snowman on my lawn!  Among making new memories, one thing that I hope my boys don't remember from the holidays but I am 100% certain they will, is their mother is an astoundingly terrible present wrapper.  I had about 2 hours today while wrapping to think about how I hope none of them inherit this.  Go with bags, you say? ripping through paper on Christmas morning is not something I can bare to deprive them of.. even if I can already feel them making fun of me.  I'm totally up to a grade 3 level in wrapping now.

That's a doodle for absolutely no reason??  I had to take a break, guys.

Hoping you all have a wonderful, memorable holiday!

Places you will go

One of the notable changes about my 30th year of living is that I have come to terms with the fact that, barring some kind of electrical storm where my brain is re-wired, there is one time of year that to me personally might as well be a physical place on Earth.  "Winter" might as well have a real destination pin on a map, and cute candy cane font sign on the road when you enter it, because, for all intents and purposes, I travel there to visit smiles I've had and smiles I've saved up so much it built a town.  

Indulge me for a moment.  

"Winterville" always has the right amount of shimmery snow to walk in; it is vanilla, big blankets and wool sweaters, hugs, and every snowman I've ever built, every fort I ever dug out with a red runny nose.  There, there are toboggan runs any time, fresh trees in every house and so many Christmas lights you'd never wish it was daytime.  It has heart.  Though I do not stay very long at all; those Winters are gone of course and this one is happening now.  It's just so many first things started in Winter for me, best of all my boys birthdays.  Maybe it is the death of the seasons, death of the year, mixed all in with the exciting new.. it either feels some minutes as if I have lived the luckiest life I couldn't possibly ever live long enough to deserve it.  My heart is filled with gratitude instead of the grief that mostly everything pretty and warm in "Winter" town does not really exist, these small memories cannot leave this place.. and then other minutes feeling as if it's too much for me.  Like I am standing in a place equivalent to this commercial.

And that's when I leave.  By that time it is always dark, which make the lights all prettier, and I am always late.

“I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesteryears are buried deep, leave it any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance.” 
― Beryl Markham, West with the Night

Ain't nobody got time for that

For your amusement I will go over the last week of my life for you, because what is life if not inconceivably amusing to compare and contrast.

Sunday: 

I am in the ER.  My best friend, Brooke, calls me at the airport about to board a plane to Cuba.

I have a major infection causing half my face to look like any character in the movie "The Klumps"

Monday:

I'm told I have to spend the next 5 days with what they call "my new best friend" .. i.e. a $4000 IV pump I get to wear every second of the day.  Brooke, my actual best friend, is already rum drunk and hungover in Cuba.

I may have returned to work in the afternoon because I am really horrible at taking direction from bacteria.. telling me what I can't do!? Ain't nobody got time for that.

Tuesday - Friday:  

I hate everything.  Specifically "my new best friend".. I call her Judy.  Judy likes to watch me do a horrible job at trying to have a shower.  I go to a clinic every single evening to get the bag of medicine in Judy changed.   

Meanwhile, Brooke is just finishing up her sun-filled vacation!  She learned now to make an authentic Mojito and I learned that the most common adverse side effect of Clindamycin is diarrhea.  

I keep thinking in medival times I'd have so died by now.  So much for evolution, bitches!!

re - James

There comes a time .. or if you're lucky a couple times in life where you think, can anything be better than this?  Like, ever? I am here to tell you that if it's James Face then this is as good as it gets.  My friend Rob recently shared the link I saw a year ago and seriously every time I look at this thing I can't stop laughing until the captions get blurry with my own tears.

The idea is this guy takes his friends facebook pictures, photoshops them to look slightly different and reposts them to facebook.  His friend James does not like this.

My life's dream is to do this to my friend Andrea someday... gah, it should be on my 30-30 list.  Please, enjoy if you haven't already ...even though I hate repeating myself this is worth it.

Click on the link to see the comments since they are the BEST. PART.

JAMES-FACE by Oli & Alex

  "That's not my bush baby! ...I'm simply not that pale...."

Green Machine with Chocolate Smoothie recipe

Number 9 on my list, "figure out how to juice my food" has been accomplished!  Instead of juicing I prefer blending frozen smoothies.  I drink green smoothies because I just don't even have the TIME to sit and eat all the spinach I need to eat, and generally I eat while I'm working.  If you're interested in adding some goodness to your lunch here's a pretty good guide to start out making whatever your tastes are like.  I won't promise you it will in any way taste like an ice cream sandwich but just wait 5 mins and you'll feel virtually high on vegetables.  It's insane.

If you're wondering why we don't want to just add yogurt, sugar or other yummy things, or you've ever heard the term "eating clean" all it means is you eat as little processed foods as possible, excluding sugar and dairy from your diet as much as possible.  It makes a big difference for a minimal amount of 'taste sacrifice' in my opinion, but I do have a pretty yummy recipe if you like chocolate for breakfast.

Even if you are in perfect health, maybe you are a busy person in the morning who finds themselves either forgetting to eat entirely or eating whatever little thing they find while all the good food sits in the fridge.  Take 5 minutes and make this next time! and you'll be full and happy until lunch.

Recipe: Chocolate-Oat Breakfast Smoothie

(recipe adapted, picture from ohmyveggies.com)

ingredients

• 1/2 c. old-fashioned (steel cut) oats
• 1 frozen banana
• 1 c. almond, soy, or coconut milk 
• 1 tbsp. cocoa powder
• 1 tsp. cinnamon
• 1 tsp. almond butter (or regular peanut butter if you like)
• *optional 1 tsp. agave nectar or honey or stevia for added sweetness
• 
  

instructions

1. Blend your oats first into a fine powder.
2. Add banana, wet ingredients then dry ingredients into the blender and process until smooth and well-combined. Add more almond milk for a thinner consistency if you find it too thick.

r.i.p. shit-soo

photo originally from: link

                  



6.5 years of creative swearing has come to an end.  It was a good run.

Me: Oh.. shih tzu!

Ethan:  Mommy you said a bad word...

Me: No I didn't I said shih tzu.. that's a kind of dog!

Ethan: Yeah but without the 'Soo' it's just SHIT.