Science says I'm not an asshole

Revenge: do it for society.


Altruistic punishment may be the glue that keeps societies together.

I honestly think this is the best thing I've heard since a doctor once told me drinking alcohol makes you smarter. Except that turned out not to be true. Now I don't trust anyone with a t-shirt that says "yes, I'm really a doctor"... you've ruined it for everyone! So that makes this the one and only actual time then. Still, pretty damn good.

Maybe I should make a new list on my 43 things, like My Name Is Earl. Only instead of making right all the things I did wrong... it'll be a list of all the people I have to find and let the air our of their tires/post naked pictures of them on the internet/punch in the face. Thank you, National Geographic!

I can fly a plane again!

www.lasikathome.com
[courtesy of Rob]







A n n says:
other than fool people.. then im not sure what the point of the site is
Robert says:
you could say that same thing about Beth's site
A n n says:
good point



You gotta love the random Beth burns. I mean, I do. Regular posts coming when, well, regular stuff happens. So far, nada. All weird stuff. Cartoon porn and lasers. Still contemplating on whether or not to post actual pictures on here again. Until then, my princess birthday party will remian on the shelf.

One step away from molesting the South Park kids

Edit: I actually had to do something I never thought I'd do. Go back and delete something I posted because there were too many perverts being directed to this website. Thanks for being the sour milk in my coffee.

I don't get it...

make it happen

I found this great site called 43 things!

It encourages you to make a list of things you want to make happen in your life, then it shows you other people who are also trying to accomplish that task. You can write a blog about your progress, check off what you've accomplished, and recommend to other users what is worth doing and what's not. I think that's a fantastic idea, so I made a account too! So far I'm having a lot of fun with it, so I figured I'd share. You can put anything you want, obviously, and I think it's neat how honest and ridiculous some people's lists are. Like, hack into someone's computer. Wtf? lol. It makes me want to be honest and ridiculous too. And why not? It's my life, afterall. Professional Bee Keeping, here I come!!

I'm not going to post my list since for some reason lately I wouldn't want to influence anyone too much with my opinion. lol. So I'm encouraging anyone to make your own lists, make them as creative as you can, then make it happen. Unless you have "steal Ann's life" on your list ... in that case I'll suggest not making that one happen. Instead, maybe learn Japanese or create a Scorpion mailing service for the blind. I hear those are just about as useful, however, not as popular ;)




[14:05] Sean: you know the ice cap that hortons has?
[14:05] Sean: they have a vanilla bean one!
[14:05] Sean: OMFG
[14:05] Sean: heaven!
[14:05] Sean: but heaven costs 5 bucks

As good as you can copy and paste it

So apparently for the last 2 years I have had 2 websites. My own, and a really bad carbon copy of it "written" by a 17 year old girl from white-trash New Jersey (sorry New Jersey, I just can't like you anymore.. blame Beth Mandio. No hard feelings.)

You might ask yourself "but Ann, how did you find out about this if it's been happening for 2 years?? you never read Nancy Drew.... did you?" and my answer is, for your information, I read the babysitters club! and I'm only 110% ashamed to admit that. I also don't solve mysteries in my spare time so I figured it out because she was actually stupid enough to hotlink my entire picture set of my trip to Montreal on fotopic {cached copy if the link stops working}. Then I looked for and found all her other journals/everything online which were at least partially taken from something I wrote, conversation I posted etc.. from the perspective that she was me and "Ann" was her friend, but she also referred to me as Riley.

And now that I've read everything (I mean every dirty word) ... yanno, I don't see a reason why we wouldn't be friends! She wrote a list based on her observations of movies? I did too! We answer a lot of the same surveys (scroll down left column) the same way? That's amazing! She hates Oprah's Book club? (scroll down to highlighted yellow, it's been deleted) So do I! She thinks ripping people off is ok if they're stupid? Omg, me too!!

Think of it as she's the James Frey of the internet, and took a "Million Little Pieces" of my website for herself. So... what would you expect me to do in this situation?

Let me remind you for a second, a few internet losers told me I didn't know the meaning of "literally" back in September on some gay comment board on a website that isn't even that popular and nobody would check again.. and I went out of my way to dictionary those fucking jackasses back into their mothers basement. So, really, what would you expect me to do in this situation? Think about that for a second.

The answer is send her a courtesy box of scorpions in the mail labeled "tasty delicious cupcakes" but I didn't have her address so I did the next best thing: screen captured everything. What? you think I wouldn't go through the trouble of screen capturing it? Or how about every single relevant (60%+ copied content) entry there was? That's 90+ entries by the way. Each screen capture is a ridiculously large file size, so I'm not going to post them one by one because that's a poor use of my time, but I'll just show you some directly comparable entries.... yanno, to really illustrate what I mean when I say she's as crazy as the day is long.

1. new years [my post: dec 29] vs [her copy: dec 31] ...also re-posted on her myspace blog!
   
2. she also mixes my entries together --- ipod {aug19} & tanorexia vs [her copy 1 & 2]
   
3. then she actually emailed me asking for my advice --- http://web.archive.org/web/20050126233642/http://asgoodasitgets.org/ vs [her copy]

Pretty creative stuff right? See that's one thing nobody appreciates about liars... their ingenuity, their dedication. Remember.. there are at least 80 more of them! Probably because she really wants to be a writer... nice profile. I also have a friend named Brooke who snorts when she laughs. Like I said, we have so much in common it's a true crime we're not actually friends.

In the meantime... who likes cached links? I know I do! Mostly because, you can't delete them :) I'll just refer to them with her original "never seen before" titles, and if you've read my site for any length of time I won't need to explain any of it.

1. Don't go quietly
2. I think you're wild when you flash that fragile smile ( 1 extra page)
3. Beth's Blurty
4. as good as it gets!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Those take some time and attention to read, so here's a few of my personal favourite moments:

1. When her journal won AOL Editors Pick.. and all the people who congratulated her!
2. Her posting pictures of me and a bridge troll of an ex-boyfriend on her "Summer 05" webshots list. I puked like 45 times. That's dehydration level puking, fyi.
3. Comments by "Ann" on her pictures of Jersey --- she posted those comments, a picture of someone else as "Ann" and Jersey looks a lot like NH&Maine. Oh wait, it is.
4. Uh myspace or myspace? --- blog, profile

I love the "About Me" blurb she chose for her profile. Not written by me, but irony is better than Jesus.

You can make a fresh start at any moment you choose, cuz this thing we call "failure" isn't falling on ur ass but when you get up accept the stupid mistake, or careless error in judgment. For some people this may be weird to read because im usually known as a funny, immature girl, but shit happens when you least expect it baby.

If you'd like to get to know me better i'd be flattered!! Don't be coy IM my trickarsss: bethdangerously

bethdangerously.. what a great idea for a screen name! See when I thought of it, it was from that movie Johnny Dangerously with Michael Keaton, because he was SO COOL with his silver cigarette case... but I bet she's got an even better explanation of where that came from. Don't be coy, feel free to ask her, or get to know her better. Her real AIM names and contact info is:

aangelisqt
homegrown7823
aangelisqt@aol.com ... itz_mandioO@hotmail.com ... http://myspace.com/bethmandio (you'll have to add her to your friends)



Why do all this for someone not really worth the effort? One word. Balls. Ok two words, MASSIVE BALLS. You've got to have some real, genuine, watermelon-sized balls to actually submit what essentially is someone else's website content in a contest. That's like me pasting a picture of your dad onto my face and having sex with his wife. AKA YOUR MOM. Because to my knowledge there is nothing more inflammatory than telling someone you're going to give it to their Mom. That's what my website is to me. Mom sex. It's not great, it's not award winning (or maybe it is now) sometimes it's silly or stupid or confusing or uninteresting... it could be spelled wrong, punctuated horribly, and insulting to your religion... but it's still mine and it's going to stay that way.

So in case that mom sex comment threw you off, or you're overwhelmed by "crazy" and you can't determine what point I'm trying to make, I'll make it super-duper clear that next time it happens, causing someone's fake online universe to collapse won't be enough for me.

While I appreciate the totally f'd compliment that I am a talented writer, or that my opinions are worth duplicating, that I'm cool, or that I have a way more interesting life than you... this is going way too far. For example, if I go as far as she's gone in impersonating me I might say that if it happens again I will hunt you down and kill your parents. Unless you don't like your parents.. in that case, I will make them more alive somehow. Like, introduce them to a sensible diet and exercise plan so that they live a really really really long time.


You don't want to know how far I'll go.

For another more realistic example, if in all my google-ing I found out that someone related to you (possibly your dad) has a law firm in the state you live... I might contact them and ask if I have a case against you, and to familiarize me with the law in NJ about this specific situation. I'm a curious girl, I am. But .. I bet "Beth-Ann" knows that.

And anyone who ever google's your name will forever be sent to this page. You're welcome.

Associating hunger with fear

Why can't he be more like Mayor McCheese? Also... why is this $45? Don't they understand that I can't jusify smelling like cookies for more than maybe 20 dollars? I absolutely need to make other people hungry when I sit near them, and when they get close I yell RAPE! RAPIST! SOMEBODY HELP ME! Haha, that'd be great. Except if you are unfortunately the victim of a real rape.. in that case you probably think I'm worse than Hitler. That's totally fine with me.

You know, everything I want should be free... or jusifiable. And no, changing my wants to things like "sunny days and life-saving anti-biotics" isn't a realistic alternative solution.

You're so cute when you're slurring your speech

Wait for it. It'll be worth it, I promise.




In the meantime, here are Robbie's pictures from the Deathcab for Cutie show. Much better than mine were, for sure. Though I did get a pretty awesome shot of Franz Ferdinand up close.

http://flickr.com/photos/rbisnath/

The only thing that would have made it any better was if:

1. Someone didn't pull the fire alarm during my two favourite songs
2. They served anything but beer. ANYTHING.
3. The two teenage couples in front of us hadn't bought their tickets specifically so they could have a spot to make-out that wasn't their basements/mom's car
4. No seriously... they made out the entire time...
5. I'm not even continuing the list, that's how ridiuculous it was

Venomous or Totally Safe?

Just in time for Easter!

I'm feeling a little better, not entirely, but good enough not to get arrested if I ask a cop for the time. It's good news. Really. Anyways, as you can imagine.. being sick means not a lot of really exciting stuff happens to you (except if you want to hear about the amazing sale at No Frills on Stouffers Skillet Sensations, $2.97 each.. go buy as many as you can safely carry, they're delicious!) But that just made me think, I really wish my life were like a talk show. Not just for the cool guests, or getting them to play strange games with you.. but I'd love to have one of those animal guys just drop by my house with Elephants and shit and tell me stuff about them. Seriously. I want to sign up for that. We'd both be perminantely entertained because I'd write all about it.

It'd go something like this:

"So this guy brought some poisonous snakes over. I think he was gay. I can't put my finger on it, I guess it was just the way he held his straw. I got new straws by the way, No Frills.. 5 for a dollar. Anyways, so I got him to throw me in a pit with the biggest snake.. just for laughs. I don't really remember what happened, but ever since I have these horrifying night-terrors. I wake up screaming SNAKES!! SNAKES!! Tomorrow Dr. Phil is coming over and I'm going to ask him what that means. We're also going to play "Venomous or Totally Safe?" .. hint, none of them are totally safe. Plus special musical guest on Monday's show will be Deathcab for Cutie."

See that last one is actually true because I've got 2 tickets to see them and Franz Ferdinand play at the Ricoh Coliseum. Holy crap I'm excited.




"Before you marry someone, you should see them with the flu."

- Dr. Phil

I've got the Black Lung

Subsequent to all this unseasonable drinking I'm now sick. This means I have a voice comparible only to a transgendered lounge singer, or someone with the Black Lung from working long hours in the coal mines. Notice how I didn't make a bird flu reference. Omg I got bird flu, omg don't eat at the Asian KFC! It's not one of the funny diseases, I'm sorry.

Anyways, pictures of the princess (peach vodka) party will be up later. Right now, I have to go proposition some gay men in a bad neighbourhood and dig for diamonds.. aka, take some cough medicine and sit on the couch and write hatemail.



Dear LCBO cashier,

As flattering as it is to get carded at 24, it's not that funny to make me drive home and back. It's also not cute to point out that, while I did in fact drive myself there, I do not have my license with me. My unpreparedness should only be an indicator of just how unecessary it is to even carry ID. It should also tell you I always follow the rules of the road carefully, as to not get pulled over. If you scored higer in the logic portion of your SAT's and got into college instead of working at the liquor store, you'd notice I was in a hurry. People under the age of 19 are never in a hurry because they have nowhere to be except the mall.. and it was well past 6:00, lady.

Sincerely, Ann-Marie




I had a quote from the party that Antonella said but for the life of me I can't remember what it was now. It was good though. Bird Flu punchline good.

"you're gonna get yours!"

There are three things that I can't resist, nomatter what...

1. Nutella (damn you!!)
2. An Episode of Lost

&

3. Smiling when someone I don't like gets totally screwed

I'm only going to talk about the last one, although all of the above kinda make me feel guilty. Seriously, damn you.. makers of Nutella. Anyways, I just can't help but love it when someone I don't like gets screwed in some way. Not because I wished it upon them or sat here angrily muttering "you're gonna get yours!" to nobody but my tv. It's just 100% of the satisfaction with 0% of the work. Who doesn't dig that? Some people might rub it in, or point it out and be assholes... and that is where you and I part ways on this little spite adventure. I don't do that (even though I'd really love to... so maybe I am an asshole?) Smiling is ok though.


Anyway, at the party everybody simultaniously agreed that I should bring back the quotes I used to have on my site. Apparently it was a really big deal to get on my list etc. and I had no idea, but it makes sense. My approval is pretty gratifying. So in the spirit of inspiring competition and making off-side comments famous... it's back! and so you know everything is fair game.


Kevin says:
someone made a "your mom" type of comment, and he got real serious and said "my mom died from cancer on christmas eve"

Kevin says:
i busted out laughing, so i hope he was joking

___________

Kevin says:
the other night i was up until like 3am watching david hasselhoff videos on youtube

A n n - M a r i e says:
did it haunt your dreams?

Kevin says:
i think i got turned on a little bit

Were you surprised?

Turning 24 turned out to be pretty great. I got a couple nice surprises, which is amazing since 1. it's hard to surprise me .. and 2. seeing as I'm rarely surprised, when you actually do catch me off guard I suddenly lose half my IQ and I'm all "whaaat?" and say stuff like "um do you guys want chips, I bought chips... I don't even like chips". Anyhow, I would have updated sooner but I've been drunk for two days (and lazy for one). Kinda accidentally, if you must know. I technically only had like 2 drinks and I was all flushed and ranting on about .. something. Whatever it was I just remember becoming really aware that I was the only person talking about it, I forgot what my point was like 28 times, and it was also 2am. I think my new limit is "the point where you start saying everything you think" .. ya, I'm one of those people.

So the events happen like this: Friday I drove (3 friggin hours) to Hamilton, saw my dad and grandparents (yay elliptical machine! yay coffee and cake!) and went for dinner at the Keg. Next time I really will order the steak, I'm just not a steak-y person but it was really good so that doesn't matter. Saturday when we got home from dinner at Rocco's (aka the best place to get italian food other than my grandma's house) there were a bunch of homeless people at my house ready to surprise me. lol. Instead of stealing my stuff and stabbing me, we just had a party. Some of my friends couldn't make it so we're having another party next weekend. I don't think I can act surprised for that one. Then to end the weekend, on Sunday Brooke and I drank a giant bottle of wine and watched A History of Violence. I'd go into how terrible it was but why bother.. just the fact that I'm telling you we were drinking and we STILL found the entire thing to be fucking ridiculous and cheesy is enough. To make up for it, we also drank all the Bailey's and made sandwiches.

Soooooo thanks to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday, and hoped I had fun! I did, in fact, have fun. But the best part was knowing that even if one year I don't make a big deal, other people still will and that makes me a pretty lucky girl :)

Fancy-ass

You might notice I'm using a fancy-ass blogger thing. Not only is it fancy, but it's also faster to update than Dreamweaver and Cute FTP. 2006.. the year of easy.

You might also notice, if you're any good at math, that my birthday is tomorrow. Snakes on a Plane to me!! I don't have anything planned, really, though I'm driving to Hamilton to see my dad on Friday.. and later I'm hanging out somewhere "mysterious" with Andrea too. I'm hoping it's not a slaughter house, or a barn.. because while those are technically surprises, they don't smell nice. If you're around Friday night, you should call me (check my msn for my new cell #) and you can come to the slaughterhouse too. If you didn't get me a present or whatever, don't worry about it (but you can sure buy me a drink or 12).

Brooke is coming over on Sunday/Monday and I think we planned some Thai Food and possibly shopping downtown, plus the weather is great maybe Ethan can come. So, you see, it all works out nicely.