Ain't nobody got time for that

For your amusement I will go over the last week of my life for you, because what is life if not inconceivably amusing to compare and contrast.

Sunday: 

I am in the ER.  My best friend, Brooke, calls me at the airport about to board a plane to Cuba.

I have a major infection causing half my face to look like any character in the movie "The Klumps"

Monday:

I'm told I have to spend the next 5 days with what they call "my new best friend" .. i.e. a $4000 IV pump I get to wear every second of the day.  Brooke, my actual best friend, is already rum drunk and hungover in Cuba.

I may have returned to work in the afternoon because I am really horrible at taking direction from bacteria.. telling me what I can't do!? Ain't nobody got time for that.

Tuesday - Friday:  

I hate everything.  Specifically "my new best friend".. I call her Judy.  Judy likes to watch me do a horrible job at trying to have a shower.  I go to a clinic every single evening to get the bag of medicine in Judy changed.   

Meanwhile, Brooke is just finishing up her sun-filled vacation!  She learned now to make an authentic Mojito and I learned that the most common adverse side effect of Clindamycin is diarrhea.  

I keep thinking in medival times I'd have so died by now.  So much for evolution, bitches!!

re - James

There comes a time .. or if you're lucky a couple times in life where you think, can anything be better than this?  Like, ever? I am here to tell you that if it's James Face then this is as good as it gets.  My friend Rob recently shared the link I saw a year ago and seriously every time I look at this thing I can't stop laughing until the captions get blurry with my own tears.

The idea is this guy takes his friends facebook pictures, photoshops them to look slightly different and reposts them to facebook.  His friend James does not like this.

My life's dream is to do this to my friend Andrea someday... gah, it should be on my 30-30 list.  Please, enjoy if you haven't already ...even though I hate repeating myself this is worth it.

Click on the link to see the comments since they are the BEST. PART.

JAMES-FACE by Oli & Alex

  "That's not my bush baby! ...I'm simply not that pale...."

Green Machine with Chocolate Smoothie recipe

Number 9 on my list, "figure out how to juice my food" has been accomplished!  Instead of juicing I prefer blending frozen smoothies.  I drink green smoothies because I just don't even have the TIME to sit and eat all the spinach I need to eat, and generally I eat while I'm working.  If you're interested in adding some goodness to your lunch here's a pretty good guide to start out making whatever your tastes are like.  I won't promise you it will in any way taste like an ice cream sandwich but just wait 5 mins and you'll feel virtually high on vegetables.  It's insane.

If you're wondering why we don't want to just add yogurt, sugar or other yummy things, or you've ever heard the term "eating clean" all it means is you eat as little processed foods as possible, excluding sugar and dairy from your diet as much as possible.  It makes a big difference for a minimal amount of 'taste sacrifice' in my opinion, but I do have a pretty yummy recipe if you like chocolate for breakfast.

Even if you are in perfect health, maybe you are a busy person in the morning who finds themselves either forgetting to eat entirely or eating whatever little thing they find while all the good food sits in the fridge.  Take 5 minutes and make this next time! and you'll be full and happy until lunch.

Recipe: Chocolate-Oat Breakfast Smoothie

(recipe adapted, picture from ohmyveggies.com)

ingredients

• 1/2 c. old-fashioned (steel cut) oats
• 1 frozen banana
• 1 c. almond, soy, or coconut milk 
• 1 tbsp. cocoa powder
• 1 tsp. cinnamon
• 1 tsp. almond butter (or regular peanut butter if you like)
• *optional 1 tsp. agave nectar or honey or stevia for added sweetness
• 
  

instructions

1. Blend your oats first into a fine powder.
2. Add banana, wet ingredients then dry ingredients into the blender and process until smooth and well-combined. Add more almond milk for a thinner consistency if you find it too thick.

r.i.p. shit-soo

photo originally from: link

                  



6.5 years of creative swearing has come to an end.  It was a good run.

Me: Oh.. shih tzu!

Ethan:  Mommy you said a bad word...

Me: No I didn't I said shih tzu.. that's a kind of dog!

Ethan: Yeah but without the 'Soo' it's just SHIT.

Birthday & Best(maid)

I had hoped that I would have been able to host a 5 course dinner party by now since it covers 2 whole items on my 30 list.  I am not giving up on that coming to fruition before March (my Champagne Birthday by the way.. neat!) but what's been going on this weekend has been pretty close so I'll share.  We did have a huge dinner party for my husbands birthday, however, it was hosted at a steakhouse where other people cooked our food, poured the champagne and someone else made and delivered the cake.  Anyone who watches Game of Thrones will get a kick out of this.  Everyone else... this will be awkward.

Sean and his cake.. aka his gift from me that
1. you can't buy it for yourself
2. you can't return it

Throne made of swords topper!
4 heads on spikes, and Sean's favorite House Baratheon crest with the motto changed to "Ours is the Forty"

It was the worst weekend for me to be sick because the very next day I was involved with my cousin Alisia's Stag & Doe; an even busier night if not possibly the busiest Stag & Doe I've ever seen.  My responsibility for the night? Besides the early morning set up, oh just selling all the raffle and booze tickets.  Nobody wants those, right?

I'll just show you the end of the night for JUST the beer empties.  I can't even tell you how much other alcohol was there, I didn't count, but 40 pop bottles of mixer were gone.

I'd like to thank Sudafed and Redbull for being invented together in my lifetime so I could even do it.  

I like to put my talents to good use but really, who wouldn't want to sell something to help out a Bride-to-be with a face like this?  She's just too cute to say no to.. smiling, bringing us alcohol, and she's wearing a fracking tiara.  It's all my favourite things!