here is the deepest secret nobody knows

This is some of the idea board I've been putting together for my next tattoo.  I say next like I have a whole tat sleeve but no, I don't, I just have one.  It's also an incredibly simple tattoo, so my idea of going 'balls out' on this one is similar to bringing a handfull of sparklers to other people's otherwise huge firework display on the 4th of July.  It's meant to be special to me, though, so I like to think of it as a big deal anyway.

If you're intuitive at all I think it's obvious this tattoo is for my 3 boys, I want to get birds for each of them.  I initially loved the idea of just three silhouette birds

i.e.

..but my other tattoo is black and I kind of want this one to be bright and colourful - like they are.  Like a tiny watercolour painting.  I sent in a request to basically the best watercolour tattoo artist I've seen in my searching, Amanda Wachob, and would happily to travel to NY to get it done.  I mean look at her stuff, it's insane.

I have realized that when I get an idea it really takes a lot for me to walk away from it, so that's what I'm doing right now and will likely keep adding to my idea board all summer.  And no, I'm not getting it on my neck although that seems to be VERY popular.  In the end, all I know is you won't see me with this unless (and until) looking at it makes me feel like I do when I read this:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                    i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant 
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

The Orchard Country

There was only one stop in the tour de cider last night, aka my tour of ciders of the world, from now on just referred to as the tour.  It was a mixture of cider and pilsner called Nickel Brook Green Apple Pilsner, brewed not only in Canada (there's obviously a lot of Canadian ciders available, and I'll name a couple more you should try) but right here in Burlington, Ontario.  It's basically green apple beer so try and figure out how that can be anything but great because I'd love to know.  Today two stops,  Magners Irish cider, and William organic cider.  

Both kind of topped them all for quality, and neither were flavoured ciders.  We actually went back to get more Magners and they had literally sold out of them all in 2 days, so I guess the secret is out on that one.  Will keep looking for it to come back in, Sean was a big fan of it.  William reminded me of Pommies Dry Cider but sweeter.  Pommies is also Canadian... we're a big country, lots of apples I guess.  

I tried it a few weeks ago and was so good I decided I should tour the ciders.  It reminded me that the first time I had Strongbow was a bar called Chester's Beers of the World.  Sadly Chesters is gone, just like my favourite coffee shop that looked like you were sitting outdoors, indoors.  I'm old enough for my favourite places to close down.  Can I get a big WTFantasic, huh? 

After announcing the tour I've gotten a few suggestions to add, apparently ciders are a hot-button issue this summer, and I totally agree.  It feels like a cider summer.  So if you have a suggestion I might want to include in the tour add it in the comments.  Anything not trying to sell me viagra actually would be a welcome comment.  

Tour de Cider

Yes!  I gave in to the fanatic nailpolish blogs and put some cray-cray bling on my toes.  I actually totally love it!  A girl has to have a little sparkle on her feet every now and again; you don't need to understand - I don't understand it - just accept it as truth.

Last night I enjoyed the first two stops, the berries, on the tour of the ciders of the world. England: William's Sir Perry Berry.   Sweden: Rekorderlig Wild Berry.

My review of William's SPB is.. meh it's ok.  Nothing great so I'm glad it was my first stop and not my last.  I think what kills it is the strawberry flavour is synthetic syrup and ends up tasting like malt.  Rekorderlig WB on the other hand was amazing! Sweet taste, not bitter.  Only negative about this one (for me, probably not for you) is that it was slightly too strong.   It's a pint of 7% alcohol so I was almost drunk and needed to go to bed after that.


On to the next one..

And I'll tell him you're goofing off.. don't correct my spelling

Maybe it's the Italian in me but sometimes I really enjoy reading up on the website passive-agressive notes.  So far my favourites are always disgruntled employees who try and plan company events and notes from pissed off children.  I like everything about them, even imagining the furiousness associated with them being composed makes me smile.  But recently I picked my favourite.

These letters to the toothfairy are so good I really have no choice but to insist you read them.  I mean really, a little girl who threatens to find a new toothfairy so awesome I bet being her mother must have been FUN.

You were just always talking about changing, changing

I know this will sound lame but I am sort of impressed with blogger right now.. aren't you?  this shiz looks awesome!  Anyone with a blogger feel free to let me know what you think of it.  Isn't it like sitting at a new virtual desk + paper? It feels like I got in crap for talking in class and the teacher moved me for being saucy.

I should confess I only use the word saucy because I was actually called saucy once before, when I was 5, yes once, by a guy who dyed his hair purple and I let him know he looked just like Rio.  Omg.. it was my first things that look like other things!  Aww.

$125 in auction.. that is truly outrageous!

With my memory the way it is (that way being freakish) I could tell you every word a teacher has ever used to describe me or scold me.  One of my favourites was primadonna.  Yes, I unfortunately got an English teacher upset with me.  That was not pretty only because she went on for like 10 minutes straight, I suppose not being satisfied enough with just one way to say it.  Oh, and I also once got in trouble for saying "damn" .. I mean really, damn?  of all the things.. at least I wasn't SMOKING.

What I was going to write about though before blogger distracted me with their new interface/fancy-ass juju, making me recall every time an adult was frustrated with me, was actually about nailpolish.  HOLD ON IT GETS BETTER.  I tend to get really intensely interested in very specific subjects that interest others, like did you know there are numerous blogs dedicated to nailpolish??  Different ways to do your nails, brands, stamps, etc?  If you're into that here's a couple I liked.

• Prettyfulz
• Polish Hoarder Disorder
• Lacquerized

I can't explain why it's so fascinating but it just is.  Another thing I found recently fascinating is cricut cake making.  It's a machine that you buy cartridges for which cuts out fondant for you to make cakes like this.

Am I actually interested in these things for myself?  Not really.  It's just neat, don't you think?  The kinds of things people are really into?  Except collecting 80s dolls.. I imagine that person is 70% creepy and 100% soul-crushingly lonely.  Math doesn't make sense when you're trapped in the 80s.

I used to write letters I used to sign my name

So the BBBQ happened.  The extra B was for Brooke is leaving or Bon Voyage or.. Boogers: everyone has them?  I can't think of another B.  I'd have a bunch of pictures but technology and I decided we're in a huge fight and the pictures never happened except in my mind.  It's where a lot of things happen but sadly, I can't share them all.  If I could somehow show them to you I would since they included cake pops that I made.

Anyway, many foods were cooked, baked, dipped and eaten, and my friend Brooke is finally in Edmonton.  It was fun to get together with everyone for the start of summer while we were at it, too.  In fact other than Brooke leaving me FOREVER and my being so upset saying bye to her that I accidentally drove home with my emergency brake on the entire time, and wondering if something was on fire.. this summer is great.  I already have probably the best tan ever, after also accidentally getting a totally WEIRD sunburn on the parts of my skin that had no sunscreen on and never see sun.  AKA my armpits/side boob.

I literally have to tan the tops of my shoulders more to make it all match.  Annnnd.. instead of writing 'accidentally' I should just say this is the kind of stuff that routinely happens to me.  I try to start the car with my bank card when I'm tired, I don't know how to operate my camera, I get a sunburn every year, I forget my emergency break when I'm upset.  I'm old enough to own these things, this is just who I am!

On the night I went to go help Brooke pack, aka I wasn't going to see her after that, we drank some wine and went through book sorting and a pile of letters I wrote her in high school.  I swear she is holding onto them just to make sure I never think I'm cool ever again; I thought I was cool last week and I definitely do not anymore.  She insisted I read some since I knew she was looking forward to it, out loud of course, and holy crap why was anyone even friends with me??!  A couple of them were so angst-y I was in emo-shock reading them!  Usually I love to embarrass myself but I've decided not from a teenage me, "Teen-Marie" was just way too much fun coupled with "if I didn't know who wrote these I'd say she has some serious problems"!  It was a fun evening though, and I have some new books to read for the cottage.  The sad part didn't really sink in too much until me and a sleeping Kieran left her apartment and I realized he'd be a year and a half the next time she saw him.  Uhh.. that's just a big reminder of how much this sucks.

I was reminded pretty serendipitously of a quote often used for graduations that I thought about a lot when Andrea moved to Calgary a few years ago, and quoted.  Then last week someone happened to google search it to get here which reminded me of it's greatness and how it applies to all the changes that come up in your life.  I know it will be all good because, overall, it always is.

Enjoy summer, errbody.

Your days are short here; this is the last of your springs. And now in the serenity and quiet of this lovely place, touch the depths of truth, feel the hem of Heaven. You will go away with old, good friends. And don't forget when you leave why you came.
Adlai E. Stevenson 

Well That's Fantastic

An update about the BBBQ and Brooke leaving for a year is coming shortly, in case you wondered about it at all.  It's just taking me a while to write; unhappy things are always harder to finish, but funny things are not so this is what I have today.

It might be super uncool to admit I laugh especially hard at comments I hear about having 3 kids, or 3 boys.  I hate putting myself into any sort of category more than you could ever imagine but I don't care if I'm uncool.. it's cool that I don't care, right?  Do kids even say COOL?  Somebody make sure I don't end up like this:

If anyone has seen the movie Bridesmaids, that one scene where they were all having lunch at the food poisoning place and the one mom bridesmaid gives the newlywed girl a reality check about the beauty of motherhood.

“The other night I was making a lovely dinner for my family, and my youngest son came in and said he wanted to order a pizza. I said ‘No, we are not ordering a pizza,’ and he said ‘Mom why don’t you go fuck yourself.’ He’s 9.” 

It was well into another scene by the time I could stop laughing, I'm telling you, it felt like forever.   That was probably one of the most genuinely funny movies I've seen in a really long time by the way.

You know what else is uncool?  I was supposed to go see Bridesmaids with Brooke but didn't get to, and now I'm sad again.  WTFantastic!