Let's panic

Today is my birthday.

That is one of the cards I made at Brooke's workshop.  I know they say you can't do wrong when doing crafts but that's just something you tell kids.. when you're 29 you can do it wrong.  Doing your best doesn't count as much as anyone ever lead you to believe.  I'm just here to crush your dreams/inform your adulthood along with me.  Wow 29 is just a shitty looking number isn't it? 

If anyone wants to know what to get me, either of these totally adult books would be great.  Or a home made card if you happen to have one.

This title is depressing as shit

I can't deny it's the phrase of the week!  For one reason or another circumstances keep conspiring have Debbie Downer following me around whether I like it or not and every time I have a conversation she pops up and then the music goes WOMP WOMP.  As if she knew I told that story the other day, my grandmother decided she'd let me know she's donating her body to science when she dies.  I have to say I was kind of surprised to hear that; not that I fantasize about her funeral but I think everyone assumes the person will be there.  I actually think it's kind of great she wants to do that.. and yes, depressing as shit that she is making my grandfathers arrangements for him by himself.  Why?  Because in real life he doesn't even get dressed without her laying out clothes for him.  It's not the fact he'll be buried alone but that he literally cannot live without her that is so fucking depressing... he can't even make his own funeral arrangements.  The bright side is it leaves him tonnes of extra time to focus on more important things.. like smoking!

By the way, if you're having a week like me then please don't watch Blue Valentine.  Just wait on it.  Nothing personal to the movie; it and my best friend that shops at my Fortinos, Ryan Gosling, were just great.  It's just that at the end of it my heart kind of felt like sitting in a bathtub full of red wine and making some toast.  It only takes about an hour to make my heart feel like there is nothing to live for, apparently.

Being my birthday on Thursday I am looking forward to a fun week, starting with a card party Monday night with Brooke and Kim!  You get to make your own pro looking cards, so already I know I'm going to make a "condolences" card haha.. just kidding! I realize it's all healthy and shiz but nobody is allowed to mention any funeral arrangements until FRIDAY at the earliest.

Snow Day

I've only seen more birds than this on TV / in my nightmares...

This summed up the weird spring snowstorm today, from my end. Snow doesn't usually change my day but for some reason, instead of any school being cancelled around here they just decided to cancel all the busses so I drove through it twice. Nothing terrible although I was pretty sure I was going to witness an accident in front of me at one point. Someone thought that backing up through an intersection was an awesome idea! Hey guy, snowing is not at all like a zombie outbreak.. you still have to obey the regular rules of the road. Why I would have to even say this living in Canada I have no idea.

Sadly, when you have a snow storm at the start of spring you not only confuse people in their cars, but the birds etc which have come out last week. Every bird in the area decided to hang out in my neighbours tree. ALL DAY. I pulled into the driveway for the second time to this tiny little bird huddling for shelter near my garage and it was so sad I wanted to go inside and build some kind of bird hotel for them to ride it out. I was then reminded of when we first moved into our house and like, day 2 a bird flew right into the window. Of course I went out there to see if I could help it since it was injured pretty bad but it was so freaked out by me it kept hopping away and died. That's the shitty thing about animals, the fuckers never let you help them! I'm sure if I built them a shelter and tried to get them to go in it they'd swarm me and carry me off somewhere. That's like the best case scenario, too.

Pee Break

My parents have owned and operated a lodging home business since I was very young. If you don't know what that is it doesn't matter enough to explain but - I've known the clients who have come/gone and some that still live there for what seems like forever. Last week my Dad calls me and lets me know that one of the clients had passed away (in a hospital, not on the spot or anything) but these people have very few relatives or friends so this person actually ended up leaving 90% of his belongings to my mother, who also made all his final arrangements. If you know these guys who live there it is actually not weird at all that this would be the case, nor is the fact that he didn't have anyone to claim his remains so they are in a box in the house on display which is, I guess, a nice memorial for the people he knew.

And depressing as shit.

After this happened another one of the clients said she was also going to leave her belongings to my parents, aside from a few things to her family members, and sat down and wrote out her Will on a piece of lined paper that he said only filled up half the page. It's all very sweet isn't it though?

And depressing as shit.

My Dad then lamented with me that he hopes his life will be a little more full and shared his fears that very few people will miss him. He said he wanted hundreds of people to inform if he ever died. I reminded him that 1) he always has me to miss him, I'm as good as 100 people missing anyone.. I'm that good at it. 2) my birthday is coming and he just fast-tracked a freakout quite nicely. I'll confuse you here by saying that I love my birthday, birthdays, celebrating them etc. It's not actually about the birthday. I am not afraid no one will miss me, or of dying, nor that I haven't accomplished anything significant if that happened. Seriously, I'm not just saying that. I actually feel quite the opposite, so, I guess that's a lucky thing. The actual problem I have is a little phobia best described by John Mayer's Stop this Train, if I can get a little Mary Catherine Gallagher on you; which is there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop time even if you don't need to. In my mind it's as if I'm on a tread mill going very slow and you think, what is so bad about that? hardly any work at all.. but it's the fact that you can never get off. Ever. Not even to pee. You can't even reason with anyone to get a pee break, or go faster so you can stop for one at some point ahead.. there are no pee breaks in life, period.

Another horrible story for you which is 100% true and 110% depressing as shit, and zero to do with my birthday. When I was very young I was having a sleepover at my grandparents house and I remember when it was time for bed my grandma told me to go upstairs and get ready and she'd be right up. I (a little like Ethan, actually) enthusiastically insisted she come up right now with me!.. come on let's race upstairs! She started going up the stairs and I was behind her and I asked why she was going so slow and she said it was because she was too old. When we got upstairs I asked her if she was going to die and she said yes, she would die some day but I shouldn't worry about it because it wouldn't be for a while. To me that said, you might as well worry about it now because I have no concept of time so "a while" could be next week as far as I know. After she read the story and I went to bed, I got up and ran downstairs bawling my eyes out asking her why she was going to die and leave me all alone. Her response was to make me feel better by telling me it's ok because everything dies.. including me. Muuuuch better.

I only wish I freaked out about aging one day a year because honestly, it's every fucking day, my birthday is just the best one.

Fishbowl

3 reasons I haven't been updating this blog.


1. It's either this or taking a shower.. honestly, and I like showers.
2. I'm currently unable to finish a thought that doesn't resolve itself in 30 seconds
3. see number 2


The internet doesn't benefit from my smelling nice but trust me there are lots of other people who do.  I suppose I could use the time I watch Hoarders to update instead but ..then I would miss the crazy.  You know I love crazy.  Truthfully the few times I have tried to write about one thing or another that I've been up to, it always ended up like this: "Had a fun night out with a couple friends and although they did not have fishbowls of alcohol it was still pretty awes.. *one year old snaps my laptop shut like a clam shell*  Fin.

The waiter did at least draw a representation of a fishbowl on my dessert though!

My birthday is coming up soon so I'll be sure to make some time at least to write about HOW HORRIBLE IT IS.  My last birthday of my 20s, how did this happen? I swear it's like this shit happens every year.

I always keep my promises

Especially if it's a promise that I won't finish something... consider it accomplished.  I'm obviously talking about that 30 days of photos which I totally made to 23.  I may finish it at some point but it made me think of all my favourite pics I never publish.

Like this one of my Dad and Ethan last Easter

Or screen caps I take to put in my non existant scrap book of favourite things.. like this picture I commented on of Andrea's trip to California

Or some random image I saved only because it reminds me of a bookmark I had in grade school..

It kind of defeats the purpose if I shared all my favourite things so I hope you enjoyed those.  It's kind of nice to have a kind of e-memory box, if only to look through on a particularly rainy day.  Or, yanno, if you ever go all Charlie Sheen! at some point and lose your fucking mind.  You could have an e-collection of things you used to care about other than WINNING.  Off topic.. I wonder if he's asked himself, logically, if he thinks his tiger blood is good for his Adonis DNA?  Just saying, I'd love to know.