Cottage comic: on a boat & good times

As of tomorrow early AM we're hauling every carefully packed item into the back of a boat and be off to our cottage for the week. Today is asgoodasitdoesn'tget crappy webcomic Friday and I realize I'll still be gone next Friday so you get a 2-for. The theme is bitter Vacation!

Hopefully this year will be comment free (...it could happen) and as awesome as the weather looks like it's going to be! Sunny sun sun sunshine, s'mores and swimming. No offense, world, but I'm really looking forward to being cut off from you.

Have an equally great week everyone!

Don't worry Patrick, you live with us now

I think we all pay special attention to customer service at one point or another in our day, and unlike my customer service that makes customers nervous post.. 99% of it is more of the old fashioned infuriating kind. I got a call from the dentist the other day asking me if I can keep my appointment, I said no I actually can't make it, and that I would really like to re-schedule to a weekend. Apparently this guy just isn't available, any weekend, forever. I take that to mean he is booked Saturday/Sundays until the end of time. Then she told me if I'm canceling they'll still charge me because it's not 48 hours notice, yet didn't call me 48 hours prior to my appointment. That is just a flaw in logic right there. Same with when I pay I'm asked if I'd let her credit my account because she just doesn't have change.

Usually I don't engage people I meet about their stupidity because I figure hey.. that's a personal thing. Something between you and the two brain cells you have sweating on a hamster wheel up there.. it's none of my business. I can't quite ignore though the fact they actually tried to bill a different insurance company for our visits and that company we have nothing to do with was kind enough to let us know.. as well as bill a visit for a little boy named Patrick. Who's Patrick?? Did we agree that some boy named Patrick gets to be on our dental plan? Was I high? In Ireland?

I consider the billing and rescheduling fiasco to be sorta bad service but something I can't get over is the fact that someone who works there didn't know how to figure out 10% of something. I know I've mentioned it before and really, I don't know if I can live in a world where that person has a job. I've thought about it, and trying to have our insurance pay for our new adopted child from Narnia named Patrick is less horrible somehow than that. You have to totally picture this girl while you're thinking about her cashing a paycheque too.. with FULL club make-up on and giant hoop earrings. I want to go in and tutor her, it confuses me so much. I would come up with questions like: if this Guess purse is $150 and was discounted 10%, and so were the Parasuco jeans, why don't you step closer so I can slap you?

Step #1: admit I have a problem.

I buy and collect frames that I have no idea which pictures to put in, just because they're so awesome. I have 3 right now sitting pretty with nothing in them yet. If it wasn't creepy I would still put them up without any photos in them, to remind me to actually print photos!

I got the best one yesterday out shopping with my Ma-in-Law, making me officially a weird frame collector. Admittedly we had an awesome time while the boys were off at the Canadian Open, getting all rained out. Plus it was fun as I got to introduce her to: Asiago cheese, marinated Artichoke hearts and Old Navy. I ended up with so much stuff when I was just planning on exchanging my yoga pants for a smaller size lol. Big score though, not only did I get better pants than the ones I picked up last weekend, for the same price, I got Sean a bunch of the dry-fit shirts and was talked into getting the cutest terrycloth hoodie and 2 matching shorts in electric blue and black. I am very ready for the cottage next week! And so excited. Now if the weather will behave...

It should be noted, there may be a little skepticism in our vacation this year simply because my family and I do not do well with changes to our cottage. We heard about some new improvements since last year and I'm expecting it will be a little like ripping off a band-aid.. aka they did WHAT to the dock? >:(

Our cottage is simply a place on earth that should never change, in a town that is a throwback to the 50s and 60s. We do the same things every year, go to the same weird shop that sells stones, put our wishes in the wishing tree, enjoy the same antiquing hunts, get ice cream at the same store with the only payphone in town, drive by the only post office, get water at the only well, watch my grandpa lure some unsuspecting person into being trapped on a boat all day, eat s'mores drink beers and watch the bonfire until our skin hurts, play cards for nickles, get sunburns, count all our mosquito bites and compare numbers, and giggle that if we're feeling spicy we can visit our alternative variety store named Cox. If they happen to add awesome mattresses I will take back my words because I could definitely handle that just fine.

New addition to: Things that look like other things.

Sham-wow v.s. Moe

I found an entire website dedicated to my love of look-alikes!  You have no idea how happy that makes me.

Comic #4: Watermelon

Like Phil Donahue and Charles Dickens, that's me

The classic Keirsey 4-temperaments test tells me I'm an ENFP. They call that the Champion sooo that means I win at having a personality! Hoorray! That was easy. What's your type?

If you're like me:

Like the other Idealists, Champions are rather rare, say two or three percent of the population, but even more than the others they consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life. Champions have a wide range and variety of emotions, and a great passion for novelty. They see life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil, and they want to experience all the meaningful events and fascinating people in the world. The most outgoing of the Idealists, Champions often can't wait to tell others of their extraordinary experiences. Champions can be tireless in talking with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out. And usually this is not simple storytelling; Champions often speak (or write) in the hope of revealing some truth about human experience, or of motivating others with their powerful convictions. Their strong drive to speak out on issues and events, along with their boundless enthusiasm and natural talent with language, makes them the most vivacious and inspiring of all the types.

ooo vivacious.

Fiercely individualistic, Champions strive toward a kind of personal authenticity, and this intention always to be themselves is usually quite attractive to others. At the same time, Champions have outstanding intuitive powers and can tell what is going on inside of others, reading hidden emotions and giving special significance to words or actions. In fact, Champions are constantly scanning the social environment, and no intriguing character or silent motive is likely to escape their attention. Far more than the other Idealists, Champions are keen and probing observers of the people around them, and are capable of intense concentration on another individual. Their attention is rarely passive or casual. On the contrary, Champions tend to be extra sensitive and alert, always ready for emergencies, always on the lookout for what's possible.

that's right, I know what you're doing.

Champions are good with people and usually have a wide range of personal relationships. They are warm and full of energy with their friends. They are likable and at ease with colleagues, and handle their employees or students with great skill. They are good in public and on the telephone, and are so spontaneous and dramatic that others love to be in their company. Champions are positive, exuberant people, and often their confidence in the goodness of life and of human nature makes good things happen.

sparkling review, thank you! may I add you to my list of friends?


Hope that provided you with some information, especially why I can't write an About Me section properly.. I'm fiercely individualistic y'all. I must be myself, ok? And myself really doesn't write short blurbs about ... myself.

On that note, one of the youngest cutest blogs I follow NotesfromtheToothfairy is having a 2 month-aversary giveaway! I'm going to the dentist today so I wanted to re-post about it because personally, I'd love a dentist who calls themselves the Toothfairy. It just seems like my gums would bleed sparkles. Plus it's a pretty cute giveaway and not many blogs I follow do that. For example, me. I figure my advice and opinions are priceless enough :) OH I KNOW, you are TOTALLY WELCOME, it's nothing.

Ps. Yes I'd still like to win even after my previous statement about what I think of now when I see Gucci.

If you haven't checked out my Bed, Blogs and Beyond section before, of stuff I read on the nets, you may want to do that at some point. I assure you you'll find at least one you like, because according to Keirsey I enjoy a various mixture of things. Don't you just love when quizzes explain you? God that saves me so much time.

Ok off to get drilled by the most apologetic dentist ever!

"I'm so incredibly sorry... a thousand apologies"

Comic #3: facts

Lamebook

You should check out Lamebook! A great showcase of the lamest & funniest facebook posts.

Also, just have to say, I've seen this picture so much recently...

is it me or is the mannequin in it is really starting to look like their real mother?

Coming in December

We'd only been trying a few months so we were happily surprised to announce to our families and friends that we were expecting a brand new family member!

We'll find out in a few weeks which sock colour to put on the baby's Christmas list, which is very exciting :) We have no gender preference, "baby" in itself is amazing enough but everyone seems to be hardcore rooting for a girl based completely on the clothes shopping. Very mature, right? I have to agree.. my heart skipped a beat when I saw a super tiny cardigan. YES MY BABY NEEDS THAT!... aka. I need that!

I may make casual reference to it in the future, because this isn't a mommyblog. Ladies who like selling their children out, bless their blogger hearts but I'm going to pass. Even if I wanted to, detailing how childbirth went and then make a 24 sexual things R.Kelly wants to do post can't happen, the universe will explode as they will not co-exist. However, I do have a current obsession with baby names and how every list that says "Unique" really means "You just don't love your child already". What kind of a name is Floss, for gods sake. Another good reason to find out the baby's gender soon... I want to know what we're dealing with here, it's all too much! I almost don't want to think of a world where someone is named Floss, or ultra classic Ronald. Or what's worse, some parents seem to find it a chore.. as in oh jeeze, it's like we're naming cheese... I'll go with anything! I read a bunch of forums that there is a big trend somewhere that Dads get to decide and the Moms are demoted to middle naming and are pissed but don't think they can do anything about it.

I think the law of Nature dictates anything you grew in your body, you get first dibs on naming it. It might be my current chemical imbalancing act but I want to meet the person who thinks otherwise. I won't hurt them, I promise, I just want to TALK!

Feel free to go vote on my baby naming poll on the side bar.

I now think differently when I see girls wearing Gucci

I am currently in the middle of our Staycation (thunderstorm ate the only train to the Falls) weekend, and taking a break from the activities [BTW I facebooked from my new iPhone while shopping!] but I just had to re-post something I read and literally almost killed myself laughing.



24 sexual things R.Kelly wants: according to his new mix-tape The Demo Tape. Courtesy of a very funny writer at the A.V. Club.

1. To make the p-u-s-s-y cry (“P.U.S.S.Y. Cry”)

2. To give you a backrub, followed by a trip to the hot tub (“Birthday Sex”)

3. For people not to disrespect his shorty, since he likes her sex (“Disrespect My Shorty”)

4. To hit that big old [ass], even though his girl similarly has a big old [ass] (“Disrespect My Shorty”)

5. To have you scream “It hurts, it hurts!” then have you concede that his lovemaking quenches your thirst, your thirst (“Birthday Sex”)

6. To get him some of that birthday sex (“Birthday Sex”)

7. To turn this club into a bedroom (“Club 2 A Bedroom”)

8. For you not to trip; he owns the club, so you don’t gotta worry ’bout security (“Club 2 A Bedroom”)

9. To get some gratuity, and he don’t mean cash, girl (“Tip The Waiter”)

10. To make it rain like a ticker-tape parade (“Tip The Waiter”)

11. For you not to knock his dick and a half (“Every Girl”)

12. To touch booty like he’s playing it (“Every Girl”)

13. For all y’all to have his baby (“Every Girl”)

14. To have them bitches that are hating on you rubbing on you (“Every Girl”)

15. To eat the coochie of all the girls wearing Gucci (“Every Girl”)

16. For you to listen to his mix-tape, cause it’s Kells, bitches (“Every Girl”)

17. For haters to get fucked with a sandpaper dick (“Best I Ever Had”)

18. To make you say silly shit with his silly dick (“Turning Me On”)

19. To take your sexy ass home and show you how he licks it (“Turning Me On”)

20. To get up in a whole lot of ass (“Turning Me On”)

21. To protect you from a lack of sex (“Supa Dupa Man”)

22. To hit you with super-love so pleasing it’s better than any TV show, better even than HBO, so good he’ll get thumbs-up when he goes low (“Supa Dupa Man”)

23. For you to get on his lap and go-go, since the rearview mirror is saying no po-po (“Makin’ Me Wanna”)

24. To fuck every girl he sees, from the hood to the fucking industry, even the Statue of Liberty (“Every Girl”)

How do you make a pussy cry? I like the answer, to tell it it's adopted.

Comic Friday

How did you ever manage to wait a whole week to see another horribly unfunny addition to my webcomic?


Comic #2: Lesbian

After the first comic I immediate got a question about it from my friend Kevin about it's lack of being funny. I'll just reiterate, my idea for this entire webcomic is to illustrate REAL super nuts or annoying conversations my grandmother anonymous person has had with me or said. I think it's unique because they are totally true and aren't funny at all... which I think is a little funny.

Like this.

I'm just kidding.. that last one was hilarious.

Just bury Michael Jackson already

True love is all about sharing all kinds of neat experiences, and the other day while we were watching THE ONLY THING ON THAT WASN'T ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON DYING ...JESUS CHRIST.. CAN I GET A CHANNEL? Sean was amazed when I announced I'd never seen My Own Private Idaho during our conversation about "real hollywood tragedies: river phoenix" and promptly downloaded it for us to lay in bed to watch the following night.

Annnnnd. That was interesting.

I'm not even going to get into the movie because what really got to me was the fact he was so narcoleptic that it was a true tragedy just letting him be alive. His character was given all the crap in life without the self-awareness that could have made it make any sense. I would have been relieved if they killed him off in the end .. like Old Yeller.

Burn Sanderson: You can't hardly tell at first, not till they get to the point of slobbering and staggering around. When you see a critter in that fix, you know for sure. But you want to watch for others that ain't that far along. Now, you take a bobcat or a fox. You know they'll run if you give 'em the chance. But when one don't run, or maybe makes fight at you, why, you shoot him and shoot him quick. After he's bitten you, it's too late.

I saw a whole documentary last month or so on the rehabilitation of seals in California, and one of the saddest cases for me was this really young happy seal pup had these insanely large tumors all over in its mouth just hanging out there like tentacles and being painful. They x-rayed it and saw there was no way of removing them without also removing its jaw. Doing that means it would never be able to survive in the wild which defeats the purpose, as they are not pets. It was just a genetic freak occurrence and the best thing they could do for it is euthanize the animal.

Side note: Andre was not a good lesson to kids about what pets are.

My question is why are we not allowed to feel that way about people? I just said I wished a character in a movie died and half of everyone reading this probably said "wow that's pretty harsh, why would you even say that!" as if it were a real living person. I know nothing can redeem the human spirit like numerous opportunities to fuck everything up in their lives.. but laying like a vegetable with no brain activity, or sitting in a hospital just waiting it out in pain to kick the bucket 'when God thinks its appropriate for you' just doesn't make much sense to me. I've been in situations personally where I have tried to make it make sense, said this person will be FINE because I'd like them to be fine and they're breathing and stuff, but it never happened. It never made sense. I am just saying, why can't someone feel that way and not be a bad person? Why can't we talk about that. I know the animal world is much different, people have decided they are allowed to make those decisions, but those seals were euthanize with compassion from people who love and devote their lives to save so very few of them. When it comes to people, I feel like its mostly about the fact nobody wants to take ownership of their own opinion on that topic.

Nobody wants to be the one to say, ya, killing people is a good idea. Nobody wants to be the one to say, I am totally behind you killing that person. I'd just like to know why it's not allowed when they see a person suffering, to at least not go through all kinds of crazy crap to keep them alive.

One of the only memories of my "real" dad was how he was cleaning out his shed and a mouse got injured so he went and killed him with a shovel. My mother is the complete opposite and I was always told we could save any animal by turning the house into some little animal hospital because there is no bigger tragedy in LIFE than something dying. The lesson: nothing should ever die. Got that? In retrospect my dad probably should have explained why he was killing the mouse beforehand (since I was under the impression we could fashion a little mouse cast or give it physiotherapy so it could walk on 3 legs) but it is a child who thinks everyone can be made better, everyone can change, everything in life is OK and we don't ever need to experience tragedy because if we don't want it to happen then it won't. It should be that way of course, we don't want a bunch of depressed kids, but let me just tell you the alternative is my mother running around like Dr Quinn Medicine Woman and let a bat die in a coffee can in the fridge because she thought it would like the cold.

Just opening up the conversation here.

As a note, one of the experiences I get to share in return for My Own Private Idaho: showing Sean eating berries off the tree in the backyard won't immediately kill you. You should have seen his face haha. MMM poison berries :)

Confession

I hope you're ready for this, that you're prepared.  My confession is so creepy I can't even explain!


I have the weirdest, deep-seeded fascination and chilling fear of Miniatures.  


I stumbled upon a website where this guy chronicled his creation of a scene and officers quarters from he novel Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World by Patrick O'Brian.  He made ALL the furniture himself, tracked down tiny coloured glass bottles and tiny metal medical equipment.. even tiny jelly for the tiny toast and handmade tiny genuine leather bound books for his itty bitty library.  CSI episode aside, that is both a fascinating and terrifying concept.  I should also mention he wired the candles to really light up.

 

 

I think innately the girl in me says WOW A DOLLHOUSE! I know I touched upon this before with things people think kids like to play with and what they actually play with, BUT I have always loved dollhouses quite a lot.  Now I think of it my grandma (who is insane in buying children anything and everything they want or are slightly interested in.  S'Mores, the robotic pony would have been mine.) did buy a few miniature furniture pieces for my dollhouse.  They were too detailed I think to be regular furniture, and one of the floorlamps did have a tiny lightbulb and plug.. where that was supposed to plug into I have no idea but that's not the point.  

The point is it's all fun and games until you realize an adult spent hours perfecting the recipe for miniature jam, and laying out the microscopic fork and knife with tweezers.  It's all very batman villianish.  I shudder just thinking of it because right away I'm forced to assume they think little characters come out while they sleep and live in the house.   This doesn't help either.

I am also fairly positive I saw a movie or read a book at some point where a real person was living in a miniature dollhouse world and didn't know how they got there and couldn't get out.  There was tiny fake fish on a plate in it too.  If I could only remember anything relevant about it... NO it's not Alice in Wonderland.

Wow I feel so much better I got this off my chest.  Miniaturely lighter, even.

Fourth of July

Enjoyed a really great meal tonight for my grandma's 66th birthday today (July 4th and not an American, too bad she could have had fireworks). She enjoyed herself, the meal and actually liked the fish so much she mentioned it a few times, and that never happens. Then she actually liked the Lemon Cake I picked out .. and wasn't pushy at all before she left. Naturally, I got suspicious.

Speaking of, totally unrelated to this..

I hope you've all enjoyed my new weekly, colossally unfunny, webcomic. I just know you can't wait for the next one. Here's a closer look at some of the characters I drew. Guess which one is "rude".

So hard to believe I have no drawing talent whatsoever, right? I'll give myself a little credit here by admitting this is all trackpad, and I actually considered naming the comic along the lines of: F*MyTrackpad.

"Try the smoked salmon sushi with cream cheese center, made the traditional way"
- Sushi Sean re: the Mandarin

And now we know what happens

...when I have a little vacation time, aside from enjoying Asiago cheese and a little travelling.

Introducing my webcomic that I draw myself (omgz) called Rude Toothpaste, based entirely in fact of loosely exact situations that has happened in real life with myself and a person I won't name. We'll just say she's Italian, may or may not be my grandmother and her name rhymes with Hella. But those are all the crypic hints you're going to get!!

Comic#1: puke chicken salad

Canada Day @ Niagra Falls

And here's a bear... who is burnt or dead.